How do you tell your Best Friend that everything is going to be ok?

[blueyezz74]

My best friend's dad lost his battle with cancer yesterday. I am very close to her family. We've been friends since we were 6. I lost my mom 3 1/2 years ago to leukemia. I had a very tough time handling it and still to this day get teary eyed when I think of it. This is bringing back alot of memories I've tried to supress. She couldn't be there for me when my mom passed because she lived in CA and couldn't afford the ticket home so I told her it was ok if she wasn't here.

How am I going to be there for her when all I can do is cry too?

:crying:

[quavec]

You can be there for her simply to provide a shoulder. You can tell her that you know it hurts and be honest w/her regarding how suddenly a memory can sprout in your head years later and cause the pain to come back. Help her along the way. The healing process is long and unpreditable. I know the pain in trying to console her will sometimes overwhelm you and make you feel that you aren't doing her any good, but the fact that you are there to help her share her pain will make it not so hard. Help her remember the happy moments she has. Be there when it is time for her to go through personal items and make final preparations. Supressing your emotions isn't good for you either. Maybe this will help you heal also.

Big hugs and prayers to you Donna and to your friend. I hope she knows that her father is no longer in pain.:hugs2:

[dutchman]

Donna in the grief forum I recently posted a link to the Argus Institute. I believe the thread title was Grief Resources. The steps of grieving are pretty much the same regardless of who we loose a human or animal companion. Perhaps reviewing some of the pages there giving some of the general tips on both the stages of grief and how to deal with grief might help. Sharing her feeling with a friend who understands is one of the tips.

Good luck, I'm sure your being there with her will help a lot. Try to think of some happy time stories you two can talk about. The remember when your mom did..., when she caught us...

[FOREVER A DAXIE]

You are they to listen to her and her stories of her Dad. It is a very hard time. It's okay when you're both crying. My friend lost her Mom April 30th. Then on June 15th I lost my Mother-In-Law. We both cried together. I knew we'd get through it.

[SirOliversMom]

There in nothing that can take the place of a friend who has been there and understands and who will cry right along with you. You have more to offer than you think. (Lost my mom in 1999 to brain cancer).



:hugs1: lotsa hugs to both of you while you go through this.

[roxysmom]

I agree with everyone. The most important thing is that you are there to lend morale support, a hug, and an ear. :)

[doxiediva]

I feel for both you and your friend! My prayers are with you both.

I am in a situation that is different and yet similar. My 15yo son, who hasn't seen his dad in 12 years, got a letter on Monday from his dad saying that he is in 4th stage lung cancer and the doctors don't know how long his dad will live. He has since been speaking to his dad every night on the phone & will be visiting with him this weekend. On one hand I am glad that his dad finally contacted him before he dies, on the other, I am so scared for the grief that my son is going to endure because he is just now getting to know his dad and very shortly he will lose him. It's very emotional for me because as much as there is no real love lost between my ex and myself, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I grieve for him, but mostly I am overwhelmed not knowing just what to do to prepare my precious son for this tremendous loss!

Please pray for my son Kyle...and for his dad Jeff. They need every prayer they can get.

And again, Donna, I am so sorry.

Dana

[quavec]

Dana I am so sorry to hear about Kyle and his father. If it is any consolation, at least Kyle will be able to have memories of his father even during times of his sickness. It will be painful for him when the time comes to say goodbye but I am sure later he will realize it was nice to be able to have that time. My prayers go out to you and your family.

[blueyezz74]

Dana, I'm so sorry to hear that too.

I believe that my friend's dad was also diagnosed a little over a year ago with 4th or 5th stage. It was already in his lymph nodes. He did the chemo thing up until a few months ago. My friend's little sister is 12. I feel so bad about that too. it's too young to be going through something like that. I was 27 yrs old when I lost my mom and I also thought I was too young for that too.

[Heide]

is doing more for her than you know.
When my mom passed away I was a awful mess. Thank goodness for my friends being there to support me through. I dont know what I would of done without them.
They would cry along with me and hug me and just that was awesome.
I still to this day miss my mom crazy. I still want to call her. I even still cry at times.
My mom was my Best Friend.
So let your emotions go too dear friend. Its healthy to let them go.
Its only been a short time for you too.
Dana
So sorry to hear of this news about your Ex.
Its a rough road .... LIFE.

[Kim H.]

I am so sorry for both of you and your loved ones who are affected. Good suggestions on how to help them... another one people often mention is instead of saying, "What can I do to help you?" - come up with some things you can do (take care of their kids/pets, shop, drive them places, etc.). People who are going through stress and grief often are too overwhelmed to come up with ways you can help on their own.

Many rayz for all of you to get through this!!:rayz::rayz::rayz: