Guilty

[Chris]

I feel guilty that I didn't notice Copper was sick sooner.

I feel guilty that I let Junior suffer for weeks thinking we could cure an infection when all that time we were just prolonging his pain.

I feel guilty that Junior was my favorite. I don't think anyone else could tell, but I knew, and I feel guilty about it.

I feel guilty that I didn't take better care of their teeth. They both had teeth pulled every time they had a dental, and my vet was always on me to clean their teeth more between dentals.

I feel guilty that Junior poked a hole through the roof of his mouth and I didn't know until the vet found it on his next dental.

I feel guilty that I wasn't there holding my boys when they took their last breath. I wasn't even in the same city as Copper.

I feel guilty that, even though Copper is my more recent loss, I'm dreaming more about Junior. Also surprised. I didn't dream this much about Junior right after losing him.

I feel guilty that at the end of each of their lives I was spending a lot of time at work. They weren't alone, but I wasn't there.

I feel guilty that I feel so sorry for myself for not having them around any more. They're the ones who died, but I'm focused on my own feelings of loss.

I'm embarrassed that I still tear up when I think of them. Not very macho. I should be more in control of myself.

I feel guilty that I'm not more attached to my nieces chihuahua. He's attached to me, but compared to Junior and Copper he's not much of a dog.

I feel guilty that I'm not even considering a rescue. I actually prefer older dogs, but I'm risk averse now. I don't want to risk losing another dog too soon, so I'm going to get a puppy to have his whole lifespan to myself.

I feel guilty that I took them for granted when I had them, and now I think back of all the times they laid at my feet while I was on the computer when I could have been cuddling them. They would have been up for it. :kfrown: I think this one is the big one.

I feel guilty over how snappy I've been since Copper died. It seems he was more of a calming influence on me than I realized. I should be more in control of myself.

I'm embarrassed that, here I am, a grown man, and I can't sleep at night because Copper isn't there by my bed snoring.

I feel guilty that I don't feel worse than I do.

I'm going back to bed now.

[Chapo's Mom]

Oh, hon! Don't feel so guilty! All those babies of yours know you did the best for them you could at the time! Things could have been worse for them!

Do you feel you did your best? YES
Do you feel they had everything you could possibly provide them? YES

There are a lot of 'what if's' in the world. You are not one one of them! Know they had the best life possible and you did your best!


I'm not one for 'words' but I hope it helps.

[Heide]

Please,Please take comfort in knowing that you gave them the best life they could of had.
They came along way from being tied to that tree.
We all feel a little more special about one than the other, just due to their personality.
It doesnt mean we love them any less.
Rescue has alot of older dogs, who need to find a forever loving home, when and if you are ready.
It is very hard to go through the loss of our pets.
When I lost Casey due to IDD, I thought I would never be able to have another doxie or give love to another dog, so strong. But it came in time. You must give yourself time to grieve.
Not MACHO, please how many women would love a man who shows his emotions.
Its ok. With time it will get better. But it definetly takes time.
We all are here for you.
You are Guilty of loving your babies and that is it. :hug2:

[onebigmickeyfan]

The load of guilt you are carrying is enough for an army. Stop feeling guilty. The one thing I see in every line is total love. You loved them both with your entire heart which is so much more than they had that day you brought them home and more than so many will ever have I am sorry to say.
A man showing his feelings is not a bad thing. My husband gets misty over our Molly and he is a 6'4" 300+ lb man who is all macho it has nothing to do with macho.

If you are sitting up at night thinking about your guilt and unable to sleep without your pup my dear it is time to seek out a good breeder or a young rescue.

[Irminsul]

I can't help you much with words. I do know that your two loved you, and you did the best you could to love them back with all your heart. :hugs1: is really all I can offer. Don't be so hard on yourself. They know that you loved them.

[dutchman]

Sone of those lines reflect the dangerous what if game. That's one I have to try and not fall victim to when I think of my Aggie. It does sound like it's time to consider bringing another little one into your life to be able to hold and snuggle to help fill that big gapping hole that hat has been left in your hear so full of love that needs an outlet.

Please share your feeling again any time you feel the need many of us here have been there and do understand.

[Pokey's Mom]

You were Cooper and Junior's guardian angel! :angel1: From being tied up to that tree, who knows what would have happened to them. Certainly they had the high and loving life with you.

I'm glad you are posting here. The guilt and regret, which is normal to the healing process, truly is enough for an army. My mother lost her father suddenly to a massive heart attack when she was in her 20's. Every now and then she would show glimmers of how much agonizing guilt and regret she carried, even though she had a great relationship with him. In turn, when I was in my late 20's my mother was stricken with cancer. Everythihng happened so fast, and we never gave up hope. However, my mom talked to each one of us alone to promise her we would feel, "no guilt, no regrets." I think Cooper and Junior would have done the same for you, if they could just master the human language. :) Of course I went through those painful thoughts, but her voice made those thoughts stop and lessened the sting.

When Pokey came to our house for a house visit 2 years after losing my mom, a pang went straight through my heart when I saw the white on his muzzle (he was 9 then.) I told my husband that I was so scared that my heart would be broken again so soon, yet I loved seeing him run and play around our house. Pokey too, was kept tied up to a tree. If he was lucky, he would get to be in the garage. He has made our lives so full and rich in the past three years... I just can't imagine turning him away on that day (-just like when you saw Junior and Cooper perhaps?) ;)

You have every right to get a puppy if you want to! Nothing is wrong with that! We just fostered a three year old. :faint: So young rescues are out there.

My Aunt gave me a helpful book, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love." I wish I had something like that when I lost my other pets. This board is amazing. Please keep posting. You paint a lovely picture of your treasured pups. :hugs1:

[luvmydoxie]

Oh Chris :hugs1:

The 'what if' game is such a dangerous game to play. Believe me I know. :( You gave Junior and Cooper something they desperatly needed, a loving home to call their own. That is what is the most important. You loved them and they knew that. They just didn't have 'human words' to tell you. Don't feel guilty. :hug2:

It is ok to show your emotions, my 6' 3" husband wells up in tears everytime you mention his beloved Sargeant, his lab he had for 12 years. He too had a hard time sleeping with out his buddy at his bedside. Now, his Kali sleeps next to him under the covers and he has said, he didn't think he could love another dog like that again. If you want a puppy, find a reputable breeder (there are many very good breeders out there) and start the search for your new companion. If you want to look at rescues, do so. Follow your heart and it will lead you to your new companion. Hang in there. :hug2:

[LUVMYGUNNER]

Chris this is such a lovig tribute to your little guys--you loved them very much or you wouldn't have posted. I to think you are ready to get another little pupper into your home. Our rescue people have lots of wonderful little guy's that need wonderful homes like yours.

[Juneysmom]

I'm sorry about your loss. I think all of us carry a certain amount of guilty grief in our hearts forever, even when it was the right decision. I know after my first two dogs passed away, I felt so lonely even though I was surrounded by people, that I finally went and got two more pups, Cooler and Bunny, and had a great life with them, too. Although Cooler has passed on, Bunny is still with me.

[Tasha's Mom]

Chris, I too worried about getting a rescue as I wanted to spend as many years possible with my new dog. But at the same time since DH and I work full time, and live in a fifth floor walkup, we knew a puppy would be too much for us. Tasha was just 2 when we adopted her so we hope to have 13+ good years together. There are plenty of young rescues in need of forever homes, so please do consider rescue again.

As for your two--you rescued them from a horrible life with no love or attention and showed them a loving home was possible. Guilt serves no purpose here and will only eat away at you. You have so much love to give a new dachsie (or two), I think we can all see that, and perhaps its time to open your heart up again. I know loving a dog will mean pain in the end, odds are we'll all outlive our puppers, but I think that the affection and love we receive from them every day far outweighs the pain of losing them in the end. :hugs1:

[pat42]

I too lost my beloved Oscar on 2-15-05 he was 11 1/2 yrs old and I had him since he was 3 months old. I thought my whole world fell apart. He was in the hospital for 4 days and I had to make that awful decision for he was never going to get well. The pain was awful and everywhere I looked in the house I could see him in his favorite spots. I was so depressed that my friends and family were very concerned so they started looking for a puppy for me which I felt I didn't really want. Maybe an older dog but never a puppy. I went to see a puppy about 3 weeks after Oscar was gone but felt like my heart was incased in ice. Then I thought about it and called my vet and she said that a puppy would be good for I could ruin it the way she said I ruined Oscar. So a week later I called the people and asked if the puppy was still there and they said yes so hubby said we are going right now. So a month after beloved Oscar I am now the proud owner of Scooter and he was 7 weeks old when I got him. He keeps me busy and definitely helps with the pain of losing Oscar. He was my friend, protector and a wonderful companion and I look forward to the coming years with Scooter. So I say follow your heart and do what makes you feel good and you will never regret it.

[Kim H.]

Nobody can really TELL you not to feel guilty, but none of the feelings you have expressed here seem shocking or wrong to me. Copper doesn't mind that Junior was your favorite! He just knows you loved him. They don't count the hours you were busy or at work - they were happy for the time you had with them. You did your best with their health - as you see from a lot of our threads in the health forum, we are all in the same boat there - no one can predict when to worry and what to worry about.

As far as puppies, my husband and I also want puppies rather than older dogs. We want all the time we can get. There is nothing wrong with that; just choose a respectable breeder! I hope you consider another little one soon... they never "replace" your former dogs, but there is room in your heart to love another.

Here is my secret: I feel guilty that even if I HAD had the chance to be with my Tristan when he died, I am not sure if I could have done it. I am afraid I would have gotten too upset, and that would have scared him. I would NEVER want him to have left this world worried that I was upset. :(

[SirOliversMom]

Chris, I got Oliver my rescue 10 days before my Coco died suddenly at the age of 11. If Oliver had not already been here, I don't think I would have gotten another companion any time soon. I had had Coco since she was a tiny pup. She was my shadow. I think about her every single day and sometimes I find myself looking for her or stepping over someone who is not even there. 2 years, 5 years or 11 years any of those numbers would not have been enough time. I still grieve for her but I had Oliver and he needed me. I came home to him at the end of the day and fell asleep with him in my arms and yes, shed many tears in his little coat. I adore Oliver big big time but I don't love Coco any less even though she's gone. Having Oliver with me does not take away my grief but he keeps me here, grounded.

I wish I wish I would have done some things differently. More walks, more playtime..but I don't want to let guilt ruin beautiful memories. You were there for those babies when they needed you. Remember the good times and fill your house and heart with someone else who needs you and the kind of love you have to give.

[kpm_tex]

Grief is a very natural emotion and it is part of the natural healing process.
I always like the thought that Dogs where put here on earth as a reflection of God's love for us. No matter what our human failings our dogs love us unconditionally, always and without fail. Grief and our imagined guilt tends to make us reflect on what we coulda, shoulda done... rather than celebrate all the good things that came from those 2 boys being in your life. Cooper & Junior didn't expect anything more from you other that you be their Human.... the Human who was so much better than the one who had kept them tied in the front yard.

Don't feel guilty about wanting a puppy either but don't give up on Rescue as being a source of a pup or younger dog. There a quite a few on the Dachsie rescue sites under 2 years old... or you can get put on a waiting list for a younger dog.

Hang in there your :angel1: :angel1:s are always going to be with you in spirit!

[Chris]

for all the encouragement. I let that eat away at me for too long, and had to get it off my chest. I got up last night 2 hrs after going to bed to let it out, and after I did I went right to sleep. I think holding it in was the problem, and I'm grateful to have this forum where I can let it out.

Please don't misunderstand, I want a puppy out of pure greed. :-) I want all of his life. But that time between Juniors death and Coppers death seemed odd, only having one. My next one will be a puppy, and I'll be getting him the last week of June, but I expect to get a rescue once the puppy reaches adulthood. I know from experience my lap seats two. :-) I've never actually dealt with a puppy, all my dogs were adults when I got them. In fact, I've never even named a dog. I don't expect to have much trouble, though, with all the expert advice here.

[Anatresia]

My sympathies on your loss, new or old. I think a new pup or a young rescue would be just the thing to make you remember the good times with your rainbow bridge dogs, and help you heal. Take care and don't beat yourself up with guilt- it doesn't help you get over your losses! I'm sure you were a great owner.

[Rusty's mom]

I'm glad that you're feeling better. When our 18 yr. old lab Bud went to the Bridge I felt a lot of guilt too. I should have steam cleaned less, spent more time with him, fed him more treats (yeah right!!), let him sleep on the bed, held him more, had more patience with him, let him lay on the couch with his head on a pillow, and so much more. We only had our Rusty a couple of weeks before Bud passed and we had no experience with Dashies at all. But I knew that our Rusty would be held more, spent more time with, got more treats, he slept in our bed, was held more, I had more patience with him, he slept on the couch and in our bed - and so much more. Our sweet Rusty went to the Bridge in July and I still miss him more that words could ever say. I grieve for him daily but we got a new little one in Sept. Dickens is a lot like Rusty - but could and should never be a replacement for him. But he makes me laugh again. I still have a Rusty size hole in my heart and always will but somehow we go on. I'm so glad that you've decided to get a little one - puppy, adult, rescue - it really doesn't matter. All that matters is having a little one to help ease your grief and loneliness. I understand about a lap built for two - our laps are built for 4 :D Take care and I'm glad you've found us!

Kathy - mum to Duffer, Hobbs, Holly, Dickens and forever mum to Rusty at the Bridge

[doxunzX3]

I know that both Copper and Junior where blessed to have you care about them as you did. You gave them so much more than you can imagine. In their eyes you are their hero and knight in shinning armoire. It is hard to loss our beloved pets. Just know that we are here for you and have gone through similar thougths and feelings after our doxies have gone to the Rainbow Bridge.
One thing about dogs is they love unconditionally so they only thought of you as perfect. :hugs1: :hugs1:

[dutchman]

Hi Chris,

I'm glad you felt you could express yourself here. That's part of the reason we developed this special grief forum that spun off from the memorial forum. I know just being able to vent your feelings to others that will understand or at the very least not judge can help a lot. The support I got here when I first joined right after loosing my little girl Aggie was a very big help to me and a major reason I have never left.

[Mark]

For sharing your feelings . . . not only does it feel better to let it out, it helps those replying or just reading.

I think almost all of us, who have lost a furkid, have felt a degree of guilt. We look forward to you getting started on a new family.

[TDR11114]

Alot of people here have told you the same thing that I will. I had two Doxie sister pups, both of them passed away to the Rainbow bridge. I what if'd, and What if'd over and over till I decided that they wouldnt have wanted me to feel that way. Yes it hurts, but you gave youre babies a loving home, with a roof over theyre heads, and well,alot of puppies arent that lucky, unfortunatley. Dont feel bad about the favoritism thing, I am that way about Connie, my Great Dane. I have two, but I love her more, and that is okay,because I know that Pepper knows I love her too! I now have two Doxie sister pups as well , that I got from a lady at the age of 4 months, and now they are 9, almost 10 months old. Dont be discouraged about getting a puppy, if thats what you want, I say go for it, and if you decided to foster, or adopt a pup thats a little older, well I say go for that too. You sound like a great person who has alot to offer a puppy,or a full grown Puppers, that dosent have a family, or someone to care for it. Please , dont let the guilt consume you, and keep you from giving a loving pup a good home.

[Anatresia]

Your lap will fit two- and your shoulders- and your couch- and your bed... :)
I'm happy you're feeling better now!

[LUVMYGUNNER]

I got Gunner at 7 weeks and when he was almost 2 we decided to get him a companion and she was a little rescue, she was 7 months old when I got her and she and Gunner are buddies. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Chris]

Getting all that off my chest was great therapy. Since I posted that I've had no more nightmares about animal testing labs and not really dead when cremated, etc. In fact last night I had an extremely pleasant dream about playing with Copper, and I woke up smiling from it.

I'm still planning on getting a puppy in June, but I'm keeping an eye on the local shelters just in case I'm needed sooner. :)

[kpm_tex]

:appl: :appl: Good for you Chris!! I'm beginning to believe once you have had a Dachsie.. you will always have a Dachsie! (from some one who now has 3!) Can't wait to hear about your new puppy!