My Dad

[isobelsmom]

I normally do not talk about personal stuff, but I really need to tell you all about my Dad. He's dying. I found out tonight that his cancer is terminal; he'd been diagnosed and treated (chemo) and seemed to be doing well. Now, however, he is terminal as the cancer has been found in his abdomen, liver and pelvis.

The reason I'm telling you about him is that he is the one who taught me about dogs and how to rescue. He was doing rescue since I was quite small . . . he was/is wonderful with dogs that have been abused. I remember him spending weeks and months with a sheltie he'd rescued from a neighbor . . . actually, he had punched the guy out and told him if he ever saw him with another dog he'd be eating his own liver. Needless to say, the guy never had another dog. My dad is this little Irish guy who has eyes that twinkle- he doesn't look like a guy who'd deck you over a dog; but he is and would. He taught me that all dogs should be given a chance to be loved. He taught me that we are responsible for dogs being domesticated and that we must do our part to help them in return for the dogs doing their part in loving us.

My dad was lying in the hospital going into congestive heart failure and he was worried about his dogs. He loves them that much! My sister had to put her dog down (and this is one my dad kept asking about) on Halloween. He doesn't know yet . . .he's coming home tomorrow from the hospital as he wants to die at home. He wants to be near his dogs.

I'll be going up almost every week-end to see him and Isobel is coming with me. He loves her. And she adores him. I can't imagine my life without him, gang. He showed me that giving your heart to a dog was the most wonderful thing in the world. To see a sparkle come back into the eyes of a dog that has been wounded is a wonderous gift, he always said.

He was afraid of my pit bulls and was ashamed that he believed the media and not his instincts. He met them for the first time this past summer and fell in love with them. He told me that I've done good with my herd and to always keep my heart open even tho it hurts to lose one so very much. They always have something to teach us--and we need to be open to their lessons.

I hurt so badly and I just cannot comprehend losing him. He always seemed so invincible and immortal. I'm sorry to dump this on you all, but I needed to talk about it and this board was the first place I thought to go.

Thank you all for being my dear friends and for listening to this semi-eulogy. I may not be here so very much in the future as I will be going to Michigan often. We don't know exactly how much time he has left . . . and he does want to see his buddy Isobel as much as he can.

This man truly is an angel <IMG SRC="http://dachsie.org/ubb/cwmsmilies/cwm37.gif" border=0> when it comes to dogs. I can only hope I am half so gifted as he is.

mary

[Wienergal]

Mary, having lost my own dad to cancer in February, I am really feeling for you tonight. Your dad sounds like a wonderful person--loving AND courageous! (Love the story about his rescue of the neighbor's Sheltie!) How lucky you are to have had such a good dad. And how lucky he will be to be surrounded, at home, by his family and dogs when the time comes.

Stay in touch as much as you can. I'll be thinking of you and your dad.

--Pamela

[~Jen~]

Mary,

I am truely sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my Daddy in 1993 when i was 16yrs old it was 7yrs ago Sept. 17th. He died of congestive heart failure probably very much like what your dad has. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family... Please know that if you need anything or just want someone to talk to feel free to email me anytime. I like to think i was a very lucky little girl to have such a wonderful dad... god did really bless me with great parents... i just wish i would have told him i loved him more ... but with time i have learned that he knew.
Your father sounds like a wonderful man... its is good that he will be there with his loved ones when his time comes to go to the rainbow bridge.

Sending Hugs to you and your family *furkids included*

<IMG SRC="http://dachsie.org/ubb/cwmsmilies/cwm37.gif" border=0> Jen

<FONT COLOR="#00FFFF" SIZE="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial">This message has been edited by ~Jen~ on November 03, 2000 at 11:22 PM</font>

[Little Freddie]

Mary,

I understand completely, as I lost my Dad about 7 months ago to Cancer. I couldn't comprehend it either. Like you, I believed he was immortal. He had surgery, radiation, and chemo. Pamela (Wienergal) was very helpful to me, she lost her Dad 3 months earlier. Your Dad sounds like a beautiful person. Please, come here to vent as needed, we all understand what you are going through.

Sincerely,
Susanhttp://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

[Shelbie]

I second that. One thing I know about this board is that we're all friends here Mary. As I've said so often to others, and its always been sincerely meant, please consider yourself hugged.
xx

[isobelsmom]

Thank you all so very much. I'm still in shock, I guess. When I was letting the dogs out this morning it suddenly dawned on me that in two months he may be gone. I just stood there feeling numb. I'm sorry for the loss of all your dads and I thank you for sharing your own experiences and pain. I will try to keep up here as talking about it does indeed help.

Thank you all again for being my friends!

mary

[dutchman]

Mary,

Thank you for sharing with us. Feel free to post any time you need a shoulder to cry on or just a friend to talk to. It was nine years ago that I lost my mom just one week before Christmas. She was the person who nursed our dachshund through it's back problems when I was a kid. While it was my dad who first decided we should have a dog and picked out a six month old black and tan tweenie for us it was my mother that was always in charge of their daily care.

Spend as much time with you dad as you can I know it won't be easy as his condition goes down hill. When things get tough just think of all the buddies who's ears are starting to perk up near the bridge. They are starting to sense their long wait is almost over and they will soon be reunited with their long lost master.

Best wishes,

Tom and the boys

<FONT COLOR="#00FFFF" SIZE="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial">This message has been edited by dutchman on November 04, 2000 at 10:56 AM</font>

[Mark]

Hi Mary,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I am glad though, that you will have time with him. My dad passed away 12 years ago this Tuesday and I was fortunate to have spent a lot of time with him in his final days.

If there is anything you need while in Michigan, please don't hesitate to contact us.

Your friend,

Mark

[Frzframe]

You have my sympathy and heart felt sorrow. I know it will be a difficult time for you and I want you to remember even though we've never met I feel like you are a dear friend and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Krista]

Oh Mary, I am so sorry to hear that. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man. I too inheirited my love of animlas and learned to care for them from my father. While I still have both my parents, my family has lost many to cancer. Thankfully both my mother and grandmother appear to be healthy for now, following their battle with cancer It was hard for all of us to face the disease.

If I can do anything for you please let me know. I will be praying for your father and your entire family. We will pray for peace for all of you and little physical pain for him as well.

Please know we are here for you.

[2DogsLong]

Mary,

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm am glad that you have such fond memories of him. We're all behind you with shoulders to cry on.

Sue

[Roxane]

Mary, I am so sorry to hear your sad news. You are so right, we think of our parents as being immortal. My Dad too was the "animal adopter" in our family. Not in the full time rescue sense, but one who could not leave a sad little stray, dog or cat, by the side of the road. My brother and I learned so much about "loving responsibilty" from both our parents. It is obvious your Dad's example lives on in your heart. What a great legacy. May you share warm moments in the time you will be with him.
Love from,
Roxane, Greta & Baylea

<FONT COLOR="#00FFFF" SIZE="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial">This message has been edited by Roxane on November 04, 2000 at 02:43 PM</font>

[TessieMom]

Mary,
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died when I was only 6, but my mom died a few years ago. She was the one who introduced me to dachsies and I know that her love of all animals lives on through me. Take care and know that you are in our prayers. Rena and the girls

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Mary,
Often it's helpful to write down what we're feeling so we can see it as well as feel the emotions we must go through. I'm touched that you feel secure enough to do that here on our special board, with us, the dachsie folk.

Most of us have lost someone, and I think it's harder to know the end is coming than when it is all of a sudden. If there can be a positive thing in dying at home with your family around you, is that you can say goodbyes,get yourself and others ready for your passing and feel ultimately loved.
My Grandmother died in the hospital alone in Germany right after my mom's 10 week visit to her and all at once she had another stroke. The thing that haunted me all of last year was that I wish we could have been there for her at the end.
Your dad will be in the place he should be when the time comes...
Take care and hugs ,
Sonja

[isobelsmom]

I spoke with my dad last night and he's happy to be home. It broke my heart to hear him say that he's so tired, but he is tired. He's 82 and has seen and done so very much. He, of course, asked about "the wiener dog" and if she was coming up with me. "Of course," I said. I could hear the smile in his voice when he said "good".

Last night a friend said that when gets to the bridge he's going to have to push his way through the crowd of dogs that will be there to greet him. I like the thought of that . . .and it's true.

Thanks for all your kind words; they help a lot. I'll keep you all posted as to how he's doing. Thanks for giving me a place to go when I need to talk about him.

mary

[Oscar's Mom]

Mary, I'm so very sorry about your Dad. He sounds like a wonderful caring person. Its good your Dad can be home now.
Take care,
Debbie

[Mickamack]

Mary, I too would like to say how sorry I am to hear about your dad. I don't think there is anything that can prepare us to lose our parents, and I can only imagine how hard it must be to see him getting sicker. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

Karen

[dutchman]

Mary,

One suggestion I forgot to make when I first replied this weekend. If your family hasn't already done so I would suggest that they contact a local Hospice. The people with these groups are very experienced and can offer a lot of advice to help both your Dad and you cope with what is ahead. They can suggest so many little things those of us without medical knowledge wouldn't think of. Simple things like the use of oral medications instead of injections.

My thoughts are with you and your dad. My dad is 80 and doing quite well after a minor heart attack two years ago and a quadruple bypass.

Best wishes,

Tom

[Frzframe]

Mary,
I agree with Tom, Hospice is wonderful. They helped us so much two years ago with my grandfather. They were always and I mean always so supportive and informative. For example they took time with us to explain the stages my grandfather would go through. It really helped us to stay calm and realize that what he was doing was normal. They were such a great source of strength and comfort to us when we needed it the most.
Shonda

[wireweiners]

Mary, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My own folks are in their 70's and doing well. I can't imagine not having them around but realize that sooner or later I will have to face that. Dachsie rayz your way to help you cope.<IMG SRC="http://dachsie.org/ubb/cwmsmilies/cwm38.gif" border=0>

[isobelsmom]

Thanks for all your kind and heartfelt words! I'm going to Michigan this week-end; actually thurs through sun. Isobel is packed and ready to go as am I. Tom and Shonda, we have hospice coming in and they will make sure we all have the info we need. His new doctor is a hospice oncologist and, from what I hear, quite wonderful.

I'm looking forward to seeing him. He was in WWII in the South Pacific and has the most wonderful stories to tell. He had given me his photo album and other commerative things--we're going to be going over them while I'm there.

Thanks again for your shoulders. I'm going to need them all.

With love and appreciation:

mary

[bigotis]

Mary,

I just read your post with tears in my eyes. I am very sorry about your dad. I lost my own dad very suddenly about this time, three years ago. He was a very young seventy-one. He still water-skied, and swam in the Gulf of Mexico and the lakes of MN. I know what you mean about immortal, because I really thought my dad was going to live forever! (When he died, his mother was still alive at 92!). I was crushed and I still miss him so much. Like your dad he was a wonderful man and had a way with animals. He had every critter you could think of. He even nursed a gopher back to health! He also loved his dachsies. Otis is kind of a legacy to him because when I was little he used to call me Otis (from the character on Andy Griffith). I always feel like my dad is smiling down on little Oaty and me. Please feel free to e-mail if you need anything, even to "talk." Remember to take good care of yourself during this stressful, and sad time.

Otis's mommy, A.

[Dolly's Mom]

Mary,

I was sad to hear about your dad. Please know my heart and love is with you today. Much sympathy,

Sandi

[Little Freddie]

Hospice is a wonderful thing. My Dad was there the last 3 days. We visited him on Easter and he passed peacefully the next morning in his sleep, just the way he wished.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/smile.gif He was 68, his Mom is still here at 89!

Susan

[dutchman]

Hi Mary,

A suggestion for this weekend. If you are going to have your dad repeat his stories this weekend do you think you could talk him into letting you tape them? Either voice or video. It's a great way to have some family history to pass on. While you might not immediately be able to watch them but in future years they may mean a lot to you.

Tom

<FONT COLOR="#00FFFF" SIZE="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial">This message has been edited by dutchman on November 07, 2000 at 05:23 PM</font>

[georgette]

Oh my I just read this and am very sorry for your family. It's tough also because you're so concerned about him that you refuse to really indulge yourself at all. You're thinking, "I'm supposed to appreciate this miserable time." Try to remember that he's headed for a wonderful journey and that he'll be re-united with people he's lost and that he'll be youthful again. In time you'll think in terms of his whole life instead of just how he was at the end. He sounds like a wonderful person.

[Jennifer]

Mary, I just saw this post. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. He sounds like such a wonderful person. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you have a nice visit with him this weekend. That is neat that you are going to look over his album together.

Hugs, Jennifer