DWD Members Only

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst...it's me PEST

Your mission should you chose to accept it, is to start posting on this new page. The last one was getting too big and I think there may have been spies present.

We can't risk exposure yet. DWD has far to go, but don't fear my furry agents comrads!It's within our paws!..

Agent OOK9..I plead ignorance as to how to refreash DWD's prior pages. Want to lend a paw?

The bird is in the water

PEST out and short

[Mark]

00K9 here . . .

Agent Pest:
Good work on initiating our new totally encryted, unbreakable code DWD Communications Center.

Agent Squeek:
You were awesome at the Room of Doom. All Agents . . . arise and administer the secret DWD salute to Agent Squeek. Makes me stand low to be a fellow DWD member with you Agent Squeek.

Oops . . . here comes daddy - gotta run.

00K9 - runnin' low and Out

[Mandy]

Snuggle Butt here:

I heard Mommy telling Daddy that their friends with the new puppy will be bringing him over again this weekend to play. This is perfect! Giggle Monster and I will have plenty of chances to get him on our side before he gets really big.

We plan to attend dachsie playgroup again this weekend and will see if we can find anyone worthy of converting. Have received notice from a playgroup member that it is her birthday on Sunday and she has convinced her mommy to bring us all treats.

Also saw a big package of hot dogs in the fridge! The giggles and I will work to have them hand feed us these delicacies. The parents said they were cooking out tonight so I will work on getting some of those hickory smoked hamburgers! oh, my mouth is watering right now. Plus I know there will be tomatoes!

We must get more treats!

The chipmunk is in the basement.

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Minimuscle here!

Whew! Am glad that we moved our com-site to this station. The code cannot be broken if we are careful. Keep especially aware of others that watch and wait while you are encrypting info here. I have a feeling the Evil Twins,aka-The Stinkys might be in league with the Hoomans afterall. They aren't bright enough to use this machine, but can relate what I'm doing to the opposition.

Agent Squeek- I also salute you in your bravery in the room of doom. I have been trying hard to recruit here in WA state, but the Hoomans don't let me out of their sight. I am therefore only able to try and convert others by mail... http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/cool.gif

Agent 00K9: At this moment I am diagramming the various ranges of my sonic pitches and the reactions they cause on the fragile ears of the Hoomans. They cannot take much- the more pitiful the sound, the more fidgiting. If you cry a full pitch higher, but softer- they are putty in paws. Combine this with the L@@K,tongue-out,smile and sucked in waist- we should be able to get food off the grill-minimum.
Hope the medicine works. I sometimes believe plagues are purposely set free to undermine our cause! Take those meds! The Hoomans must have a reason for making you well. Perhaps they need you fit for interogation???

I have found the place where the Father hides my toys. It's a good thing mom is totally under my spell and gives them all back to me. I used the "sonic" corrector on her and she had little choice.

Minimuscle sleek and shiny.

<FONT COLOR="Yellow">ANTS CRAWL,BIRDS FLY, OH WHY , OH WHY CAN'T I?</FONT c>

[Tanya]

Agene Bootscooter here.
Oops! I accidentally posted to the last communication center. Please read my message and reply here to the new center. I carefully checked and at that moment saw no spies. Again, please read and reply here. My mistake. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blushie.gif
I would move it but I don't know how.
Over

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer reporting in... only found one Chinese grad student to interrogate. He denied all knowledge of Chinese dachshounds. Said he lived in the city and most dogs were in the country. Will continue to look for more information. Mommy has something on her mind. She came home with goodies and toys. Will have to watch her carefully. Bouncer out.

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst...PEST here!

Agent Bootscooter, sorry about the nail clippers. Your right, we need to destroy them.

I, PEST, had a folied mission this morning. I'm sorry I am letting my fellow agents down...sigh...

We had horrible booms and lights in the sky last night and everything was really wet. Agent Dukey being brave tried to bark them away, didn't work.

Mom tried to make us all go out to do our business this morning, and jeez, it was wet, I hate wet! So, I PEST, ran upstairs and I heard mom calling me, but I pretended I didn't...I picked a corner and.....I got caught in mid squat! How embarassing!

Mom was mad and now I really have to practice the "look".

I mean really, how can I plan world domination when I am forced to "go" outside. I have things to do, countries to take over, agents to recruit, treats to find.

The elephant is spotted

Pest out and pooped

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agents Everywhere!

This is Minimuscle reporting in. I have discovered a new weapon that with some practice and tact could be used to subvert the Hoomans domination over the People Of the Short Legs.

I happily announce I have broken the law of gravity. Father offered Mom a piece of barbeque chicken- a bit fell and b/f it could land on the floor I felt myself lift off the ground,high into the air catching the morsel in mid-flight. All were amazed- it happened so spontanously that I fear I gave my secret away! Now, the Hoomans might try to utilize my talent for their own nefarious puposes. I'll pretend it was just a flux- but WE know better.

Mom thought to bribe me with another Toy today. I caught on to her clumsy tactic straight away. I greedily grabbed it from her hands and proceeded to interrogate it. The ball had little to say, and even less after I bit 2 big holes in it. Mom looked sad as she mumbled something about "indestructable toys". Hehehehehehe!
Who knows? This ball might have had an implant in it to spy on me. Can't have that!

Agent Pest! Sorry to hear about thre Sky-Boom. I don't blame you for not going outside. A bomb could have dropped on you, then where would the DWD be? Practice the tongue loll with the L@@K to get you out of the "squat" jam.

Agent Bouncer: Try talking to other dogs.Chinese Crested,Pugs,Pekingnese,Chows and Lapso-Apsos might have an idea if chinese dachshunds exist. If they do we certainly want to recruit them. The language might be a barrier, though!

Must sign off for now,

Over and slinky

Those who do not remember the past, get more treats!

[Tina]

This is agent Quicksilver reporting. Me and my sister have succeeded in hypnotizing 7-9 year old hoomans to let us out of our enclosure. We gave them the l@@k and they instantly noticed how bored and sad we were and we had great fun in stealing the bones from our neighbours, the elkhoundshttp://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif and scaring silly birds in the garden before Big Mama came home and made us stop. But yesterday was a good day. Our hoomans were celebrating something they called the Midsummer Eve or St. Johns Day. They had made a fire in the garden and Big Mama was trying to steak some sausages and fish in it. But of course she managed to burn a part of them, so we got a big sharehttp://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/facelick.gif Later Big Mama took us for a walk (in the middle of night, although it was not dark) because she said there was some magic in the night. Must be one of those human spells, because we did not feel like running away, although we were allowed to run free (Agent Big H was not allowed to follow, because she had been making secret enquiries for DWD earlier in the evening and Big Mama thought it was enough for one day). I hope the spell is gone soonhttp://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/dizzy.gif. Agent Quicksilver quitting.

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Tina (edited June 24, 2000).]</font>

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer reporting in...no grad students today, no dogs other than Hugger, Lover, and that funny loud-mouth next door. Am exhausted, Mom worked in the yard--dug up a flower bed and we had to supervise to make sure she didn't find any of our secret stuff. Found some swell worms and pecans, but no bones... will have to check on DWD project when I recover gotta get some serious ZZZ...

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssst....PEST here!

Agent Minimuscle..Thanks for the words of encouragement! I have faced further indigments this weekend. I escaped under the fence to try to find more agents...dad was very upset with me. Of course, being a mere hooman, he had no isea of what I was up to!

Mom went shopping in Kittery ME, and brought us home a measley token. She is to be punished! We will not give her Dachsie kisses for at least two days! I hope Agent Dukey doesn't give in, he's so weak. Mom seems to have a spell on him..gasp!!! Mom can't be a spy, gasp...can she????

Sammy discovered a covert chipmunk in the backyard. There are 3 acres to cover and we fear the chipmunk may have escaped with DWD information! We will keep you informed.

Where is Agent OOK9? Also, where is Agent PB4UGO??? you don't think ..gasp! they have jumped ship??? I can't bear to think of it!

Must end transmission...too upset...must end transmission...sorry..already said that....

The fly is walking...


PEST over and bewildered

[Dolly's Mom]

Agent Squeek and The Grub reporting our day.
I, the Squeek found a perfect way to spy on da hoomans when they go out of the house. I now have a bag that conceals me just right so I can go with them on their silly hooman errands. Yes, don't be fooled. Those hoomans ARE silly gooses. In the privacy of my snuggly bag I saw mom allow another hooman to put this cap on her head and pull chunks of hair thru it. Then http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/rolleyes.gif they turned the hair they pulled out BLOND and then the hooman painted mommy's hair RED! Now her hair looks about the same color as the Grubs. Hmmmmmm, I smell something rotten here. Better find it so I can roll in it. The hair ladies really laid it on thick with their ooooohs and aaaaaaahs. But did they give me a treat? NOOOOOOOOO! I kinda like that nifty bag. I can be hiding and yet see all. Do you think this would be helpful to DWD? I will be using that bag when I go with mommy to WA state next month to a doxie conference. With the permission of our NW agents, I would like to do some canvassing of potential members if you feel I wouldn't be stepping on your tails to do so. Oh, The Grub wishes to say a few words.

Grub here. I have stuck to the DWD code of ethics. I have been working especially hard on the L@@K and use it often. All my fellow agents, you make me PROUD to be a doxie! Agent Minimuscle, CONGRATS on breaking the law.....of gravity that is. I am happy to report that I just about took my woman hoomans fingers off snatching a beggin' strip.....er, correction....1/4 of a beggin strip out of her hand. Well?????? I was HUNGRY!!! :facelick: I'd never had those yummies before. They ARE delicious!! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/ksmile.gif
Stay strong and ENDURE! We will prevail!! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

Squeek and The Grub.....off to take a nap.

The blankie is made of red airholes http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif

[Mark]

OK . . . 00K9 is back . . .

Let's see what everyone has been up to. I would tell you where I was, but it was a need-to-know only mission delegated by Fearless Leader himself . . . oops, you did know we had someone in charge, right? Well, it's time you all knew that I've been in direct communication all this time with "Fearless Leader". As you can imagine he is a dachsie with skills & powers that make us all look like we're in our infancy! I can say no more or risk losing our largest DWD asset and secret weapon. To date the hoomans still think he is a myth, which is exactly what we want them to think. I believe Agent Pest is also in direct contact, but also sworn to secrecy. Anyway on to the business at hand . . .

Agent Snuggle Butt:
Your recruiting efforts have not gone unnoticed and we trust your Hot Dog mission was met with success. Good job!

Agent Minimuscle:
Your development of the Sonic Corrector is outstanding! Be careful about breaking the Law of Gravity in front of the hoomans . . . we don't want to "tip our hand" before D-Day.

Agent Bootscooter:
Your work for the DWD has been great. Keep us posted on efforts to develope stealth technology for hiding toenails & butts.

Agent Bouncer:
Perhaps the Chinese Dachsie Agents are merely "disguised" as pugs, cresteds, etc. Seek them out for the cause . . . I can think of no one better suited for such a dangerous mission than you and I know you will succeed.

Agent Quicksilver:
Lights at night? You must investigate this phenomenon and find out if it's just another hooman trick to rob us of our sleep by keeping it daytime 24 hours a day. Good "heads up" on your discovery.

Agent Squeek:
Yes, I can see that your new development of the "spy bag" will come in very handy for our more covert operations. Keep us posted on the test results. Fantastic job!

Agent Grub:
Be careful of the new treats! They may either be a bribe . . . or worse yet, HABIT FORMING! Keep us in the loop.

Agent Pest:
Keep your eye on Agent Dukey, our weak link (as you have pointed out). We can ill afford our plans being compromised. The "boomers" and flashing lights should be ignored. Obviously another hooman ploy . . . when ignored they go away by themselves. I don't think I even want to address your mid-squat capture. LOL

Now about the rumors that I, 00K9 have jumped ship . . . Harumph! While I was away I have been developing a L@@K enhancement of my own. I just slide my ears back & forth on the sides of my head. The test hooman subjects (daddy & mama) seem unable to resist this cutesy manipulation. I can slide them all the way (almost) to the back of my head, midway or forward to look real cute and perky. Once they witness it they will bend to my every whim.

I also intercepted another hooman communication via code name,
Comments/Suggestions where they talk about becoming invisible, changing their agents code names and keeping cookies in their computers! We must found out more about these things (especially cookies in their computers and how we can get to them). Any ideas?

00K9 - End Transmission

"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" . . . er, "keyboard"

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger here, Bouncer has been hogging the puter and not letting me on. But tonight, it is MINE! Bouncer is still tired out from digging this weekend. I, Agent Hugger, have been working on Agent Minimuscle's sonic system and have perfected new tones at the upper end of the spectrum. While Lover and Bouncer try the low loud sounds, I got very high and loud! Mommie has to hold her ears.... thank you, agent Minimuscle. Although I am the youngest and smallest, I am now regarded as Alpha by my sisters. This may be the way to conquer all. I am most impressed by all agents of DWD. Hugger out for yard patrol.

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssttt PEST here!

Glad to hear from you Agent OOK9! Thought you were caught during a mission.

The Fremont Agents have been very busy to try to take over the place that makes Beggin Strips. We must take control of the Beggin Strip people...but how. There like gold! Mom keeps them locked up in the cabinet and we can't open the bag on our own. This is serious agents...any suggestions!

The goose is fried

PEST over and loaded

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter here. I have failed to come up with any ideas of how to hide butts! Just yesterday I was taken to the room of doom again for a butt squeeze...oh, but don't you worry fellow agents. They will never break Agent Bootscooter no matter how much they squeeze my butt. It is happening more often though and I wonder if this is torture to get DWD secrets!

Agent Minimuscle - breaking the law of gravity may come in handy for trying to get trearts out of high places or cookies out of computers. We must get together for Ninja training to learn this. We must all dress in black so we will not be noticed at night though stealing treats.

I scored a whole grilled cheese sandwhich from my two foot tall hooman. You should have heard my mommy yell, but I gobbled it up before she could get it!

Hey! Maybe one way to hide the clippers and protect our butts is to sit on the clippers!

[wireweiners]

Backhoe heah. It has been rainin' purt nigh every day fo' the last couple of weeks. Mom hasn't been able to get the lawn dragon out. She says she's gonna turn the cows in the yahd, if'n it don't stop rainin' so's she can mow. Personally Ah thank that's a great idee. The cows would keep the grass down and leave tasty piles for usn's to eat and roll in. Much more practical than the lawn dragon that makes a lot of noise and spits chewed up grass on us when we are trying to nap in the shade. Agent Minimuscle, bones hidden in the grass are effective against lawn dragons but digging deep pits for them to fall into is also good.

On gas monsters, they aren't really monsters but a mutant strain of cat that emits a horrible stench when barked at. I have fought these mutants myself. The last one took cover under our old house and mom had to stay home from work because no one could stand to be around any of us. Y'all should have heard her tryin' to convince her boss that bein' skunked counted as a sick day. The mutants have now learned to leave our yahd alone.

Its too hot and humid to practice much DWD activity. This time of year in Arkansas, its best to just lie on your back under the ceilin' fan between dinner times. A word of warnin', that day the hoomans celebrate by tryin' to blow each other up is fixin' to be heah shortly. Start stockpilin' treats under the bed and other safe places.

The sheep's in the meadow and the cow's in the corn.

Agent Backhoe out.

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer here, with Hugger and Lover. We are staying indoors under wraps because Agent Backhoe's wet stuff made it down to our yard. No Chinese agents, no lawn dragoons, no squirrels, no fire flies (those are cool to chase) ... it is just too wet. Mommy's been talking about time to go see about the "room of doom" so I may have to read up on Agent Bootscooter's butt hiding technique. The only good part is that the smell seems to offend humans. Maybe we need to practice being able to shoot that stuff out by ourselves and bring humans under our total control. Agent Bouncer going back to bed to think about it.
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blah.gif

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Minimuscle reporting in.

The hoomans must have learned to turn up the heat here too. I lay in the shade mostly.
One of the Stinky Sisters has started to become excitedly alluring to me.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/love.gif

I think this a ploy to distract me while she gets up to the new deck and does her dirty work. What's very strange and somewhat annoying is that when "I'm in the mood for Love" mom and dad just chortle and point.
Harrumph!

Agent 00K9! Glad you're back. I never for a moment believed the evil ones had claimed you. You are made of steel. Were you in Istanbul? Do cows live there too, or just bulls? I like both...http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/dizzy.gif

Agent Bootscooter or should I say "Bootshooter"? I like your idea for keeping our endzones hooman free- but it does sound a lot like the tactics those mutant-cat-gas-monsters use. Try it and report...

Agent Squeek and Grub! Bags are good but beware of the plastic kind. They have been known as deathtraps to our kind. NEVER play in or around those... http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sick.gif
Getting little old ladies to fawn over you is great politics. We look sooooo innocent, but are we really?

Agent Quicksilver! I am really worried about the Night of Magic you so recently experienced! Not feeling like running away (and boy, do you love to follow your nose on those walks) is strange. This Midsummer Night's Spell must be powerful-can we get some of that magic for our cause? It would make take-over easier if the hoomans just gave into us without a fuss http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/nuts.gif

Tonight I am on guard. I woof and bark at the smallest thing. This makes my hoomans feel safe... once they get comfortable with me guarding them I can take over all the security for the area.

Start small-think BIG

Minimuscle-over and dusty-devil

[Dukey's Mom]

PEST here..

Agent Minimuscle: Keep praticing that barking, it wil come in handy for future endeavers. Agent sammy has been practicing your technique and driving dad crazy. Your right, it works!

Agent Maggie has discovered what she thinks is a spy. It is a big old toad that lives in a hole in a big rock right beside our house! I PEST have even seen this "toad" come out and look right at us. We chase it and it runs back to it's, hmmmm....communication center?

We have tried to infiltrate said "toad's hideout, but we can't get our Dachsie heads in. Even Agent Dukey, who is the smallest can't. I wonder if Agent Squeek could help?

Will report on future findings!

The frog has hopped

PEST over and over

[Owen's Mom]

Agent PB4WEGO reporting in...

Sorry I've been so lax in checking in. I've been very busy securing my neighborhood for the DWD effort. I'm making sure to bark and charge the door at any and all oncoming dogs that are not Dachshunds. Apparently, I'm on my mother's "Last Doggie Nerve" and seeing as I'm quite resistant to her water bottle tricks, I do believe I will be able to continue in my effort.

If any of you know the magic trick (one that she hasn't used yet) to keep me from defending my home and neighborhood by barking like a crazy dog... DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT pass this information on to my hooman!!!

The black dog barks at the Moon at Midnight....

The Stink (aka PB4WEGO)<FONT size="5">Text</FONT s>

[weenie]

Agent Flytrap checking in before we go on vacation......

We must ban together to stop nail clipping.... I tried as hard as I could to chew those clippers into bits but they are still "clipping". Ugh!

over http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/silly.gif

[TessieMom]

Agent Lover here... Hugger and Bouncer are on yard patrol. I hate 'puters, but felt I MUST WARN Agents Maggie and PEST about the toadie things. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT attempt to pick one up. Watching them hop is one thing, but if you pick a toad up, it will immediately go to the bathroom in YOUR MOUTH.
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blah.gif
Mommie saw me foaming at the mouth and was scared, but one of her friends explained what had happened. Agent Lover, older and wiser, out.
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/facelick.gif

[Dukey's Mom]

Psstt...PEST here.

Agent Lover, thanks for the warning. Just last night Agent Roger was investigating the toads hideout and mom came out to water her plants and Agent Roger WAS FOAMING AT THE MOUTH ! I thought mom was going to have a heart attack. She was all upset! She rushed Agent Roger in the house and washed his mouth, we thought she was trying to get DWD info out of him!

Mom didn't know what happened, but I will try to tell her what you said. Boy, I bet Agent Roger will stay away from that Toadie thing now.

I wonder if we could use that toadie thing for DWD purposes? Anything that can pee on command can't be all bad!

The bunny is dancing!

PEST over and relieved!

[Tanya]

Agent Bouncer...it's me Agent Bootscooter. Nice idea to shoot that stuff from our butts, but aiming may be difficult. We certainly don't want to shoot any Agents by mistake. Even though we LUV stinky things, even that is too smelly for me.

Nice to hear from you Agent PB4UGO. I was just commenting on your masterful disguise techniques. We may need your expertise to smuggle Agents in and out of the country.

Whatch out for those spy frogs Agent Pest. They can be dangerous. I think they may be in with those attack birds that live in my back yard. My hooman dad even gave them their own house!! Humans is evil...evil I tell you to do things such as that http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/oogle.gif . You keep an eye on the toads and I'll watch the birds. We can't have anyone messing up our plans.

Agent Backhoe, please send some rainy stuff to south Georgia. We'uns ain't gittin' any rain and now we got water strictions. What if'n I can't git no water. I tried my best to speak in your language so translation would be easy. Let me know when to expect the wet stuff.

Agent Bootscooter ending transmission

[Mickamack]

The Intimidator here...

I haven't checked in for a few days, but I was on a covert operation, and didn't want to risk the mission. I have been checking the perimeter of our neighborhood. I have been checking for converts, checking for enemies, planning escape routes, finding secret passage ways. I have been taking furious notes and storing them on the hard drive in my brain.

Yes, I have a hard drive in my brain...I also have a recycle bin. Smells, they go in my hard drive, so I can always remember them. When I rip up the garbage in the house, that goes in the recycle bin, and I empty frequently during the day...

Oh, I have a question to ask the other agents. Right outside our pack house (mommy thinks it's "her" house, yeah right!) we had a nest with something in it. Mommy has been oooh-ing and aaah-ing for a couple of weeks over the nest. But this week something came out of the nest. It was small and had feathers. It was fluffy. It could hop, but didn't fly away from me.

I went immediately over to investigate. I was poking at it, sniffing it, and then mommy interrupted by saying "Mickey, NOOOOOOO!!!" I wasn't going to eat it or anything...well maybe....

I never saw anything like that before. Do any of you know what it is? It looked kinda like an alien or something. Could it be a spy trying to listen in on our plans? I wanted to eliminate the doubt completely, but mommy stopped me. What should I do, if I see that fluffy thing again???

The Intimidator over and out

[Mandy]

Snuggle Butt and Giggle Monster here...

We're are sick so we haven't been able to correspond. The Giggler got sick first and now he gave it to me. Mommy and Daddy thought it was just his allergies at first because then he was only sneezing. But then he got a stuffy nose and a fever and then he gave it to me!

Mommy and Daddy BOTH took us to the room of doom yesterday. Luckily only Jakey got examined because I was just starting to act sick. Jakey got this white thing styck up his bum and he squirmed all over the place. Daddy wouldn't lift me up to see what they were doing to him Now we both have to take these pills twice a day...Mommy thinks she's sneaky by putting them in cheese...

We have the parents under our control and will fill you in when we are up to snuff again.

Snuggle Butt (Henry) and Giggle Monster (Jakey)

[Tanya]

Agent Intimidator! Be carefull!! Those things you describe sound like birds! They are under hooman control and try to attack my head when I'm in the yard. Stay away!!! Repaet...stay away!!

Bootscooter out.

Walk short and carry a big bark!

BTW: Agent Frank...have you come up with a code name?? Report back.

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer here... Guess you are right Agent Bootscooter. I was sitting on Mommy's lap and dripped that stuff on her and she was really disgusted sent me to the "Room of Doom" the next day. It was just a thought.

Agent PEST, Lover says she is sorry that you'all had the Toadie experience, she was hoping it wouldn't happen and that is why she wanted to warn you.

In my yard, it is still booming and raining at night. I did find another Chinese student who said she thought that there were Chinese dachshounds. She thinks I am cute and we share nicknames... she wouldn't be telling me a story would she?

Bouncer going out to chase tree rats with fluffy tails.
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Rats! Did anyone mention Rats!?

That is my secret mission code word...
Rats with fluffy tails sound fun to chase. Fluffy feather thingies don't sound good-but maybe if it got hidden in a piece of cheese?

Me, Agent Minimucsle, have found a way to hide while being in the open. I roll in dusty dirt. When the Hoomans pet me they instantly recoil b/c a large cloud comes off my fur,completely hiding me.

From reading all the various reports it seems a lot of us have been invited to the rooms of doom lately...
Sounds like the Hoomans are onto something and trying to squeeze it out of us one way or another. Clamp those rears! Tuck those tails.<FONT COLOR="Red"> Loose Bums Sink Plans !</FONT c>

Too bad about the Toad. He must be in the Underground Movement. Yuck! What total depravity to "go" in a dachsies mouth...

Agent Minimuscle- Over and well done!

The rain in spain isn't in my brain

[Dolly's Mom]

Agents Squeek and Grub here. We were saddened to hear our fellow agents Giggle Monster and Snuggle Butt were feeling PUNY. Hope you're up to snuff and feeling in the pink soon! We have had a MAJOR BAD developement here! Mommy and Papa have put a "LOCK" on the puter during the day whilst they are at work! Mommy sez that since SHE doesn't even have a puter at her work station now, WE can't puter either! Doesn't make one iota of sense to us but that's how it goes, we guess. Well, I The Grub, being more accepting of these things just use my extra time now not on the puter and nap. Miss Squeek, on the other hand (that's ME!!! sez Squeek) I get very mad at mommy and papa being at work all day and not letting us puter so I get EVEN. I've been leaving poopies on the rug every day this week for mommy to clean up! Heee heee http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif!
And then I add insult to injury by peeing jeeeeest a little spot on the rug when they are WATCHING me! It's got those hoomans so confounded and confuzzed they don't know WHAT to do! Maybe even though we can't post during the day, I can do my part for DWD by keeping the hoomans guessing as to WHY THEIR SWEET BABY IS DOING THIS? And while they're scratchin' their heads, DWD quietly slips in and takes over!!!

Squeek and The Grub done and gone.

Dogs rule, cats drool!

[Mark]

00K9 checking in . . .

Things have been a bit hectic here - what with Agent OU812 being wounded during a covert assignment that was so secret I still don't know what happened. Our hoomans took him away to a "different" Room of Doom where they drugged him AND put some things on his foot. Well, I can assure you that even wounded he has been a real DWD trooper. He has continuously been diligent in chewing the wrapping and the string things on his foot till they're gone. When the hoomans are present he doesn't do it, but when they're not looking . . . he takes care of business.

Agent Hugger:
Good work on your developement of the new high pitched tones. It will be invaluable in our fight against the hooman tyranny.

Agent Pest:
It's important to continue trying to infiltrate the toad hideout. They may be mercenaries that we can hire for the DWD cause. Imagine the hoomans demise at the hands(?) of toad pee coming at them from all directions. heh-heh. What's a Beggin Strip?

Agent Bootscooter:
Sitting on the clippers could be very dangerous. Imagine, if you will, what happens to your nails when the hoomans use clippers . . . now imagine "that" happening to your butt!!!

Agent Backhoe:
Yes, I have heard of these Gas Monsters. The hoomans definately give them a wide berth and do not like them . . . so maybe they are on our side. Please contact one of them to find out if they would like to ally themselves with us. The "blowing up day" of the hoomans is somewhat of a mystery. I heard one of them call it the The Fore-th of Jule-eye. Can anyone translate that?

Agent Minimuscle:
You must resist that Stinky Sister! If the hoomans find amusement in the situation . . . it must be a trick. Your accomplishment in dust camoflauge is awesome! Please issue your report to all agent for implimentation.

Agent PB4WEGO:
Good to see you're back! Your hooman domination through barking like crazy will come in very handy.

Agent Flytrap:
Yes the nail clippers are a plague to all of us . . . we all have been working fervishly on ideas to solve the problem.

Agent Lover:
Good information on the toads . . . continue your gathering of toad intel.

Agent Bouncer:
I have a thought for improving on your butt weapon idea . . . it would require working in pairs. One could aim the butt, while the other "fires"! What do you think?

Agent Intimidator:
I believe that Agent Bootscooter is right. The creature you spoke of is a BIT (Bird in Training) and when they graduate . . . they try to dive bomb us. Use extreme caution - there is usually a Master Bomber nearby.

Agents Snuggle Butt & Giggle Monster:
Be careful not to leak DWD information to the hoomans while they are drugging you . . . typical hooman interogation technique.

Agents Squeek & Grub:
Although leaving land mines is a good diversion to use use on the hoomans . . . but it has been know to make them act stranger than normal so be careful!

"Barking dogs can't fly without umbrellas"

00K9, OUT

END TRANSMISSION



<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 30, 2000).]</font>

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter here..

Good to hear from you 00K9. Sorry to hear that Agent 0U812 was injured in the line of duty. Hope he continues to get better.

I must confess Agent 00K9 that I did not think about what could happen if you sit on nail clippers. We certainly don't want anythin down there clipped! Squeezing is bad enough but I imagine clipping would be down right painful.

I do like your idea about a 2 agent team working on the butt-shooter idea Agent Bouncer came up with. If one Agent aims while the other fires, then the chance of hitting our Agents will lessen. We don't want injuries from friendly fire.

Bootscooter gone!

[Dukey's Mom]

PEST here

Agent OOK9, we were getting worried about you. Hope OU812 is feeling better.

The Fremont agents have some concerns. Agent Dukey overheard mom telling dad that she wanted to see fireworks. What are these so called fireworks? They sound dangerous! Is this an attempt to infiltrate DWD?

Also, the toadie thing is still living in the rock by our house, I fear Agent Roger will not participate in trying to interrogate him. Not after the "peeing"
incident.

Oh, Agent Dukey wanted to suggest to fellow agents, rather than having to be brought to the room of doom to have your butt squeezed, if you drag your butt across the floor a few times, whala! Problem solved! Agent Dukey is a pro at this. He will be happy to demonstrate durind DWD training.


The ants are marching

PEST over and low

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger here.

Agents Pest and Dukie, Agent Lover tells me those 4th of July noises are really loud. The best thing to do is start a howling contest before all the noise starts and the hoomans cannot hear anything. Bouncer and I will help. Maybe Agent PB4WEGO should help with barking loadly? I agree, Agent Roger should not have to deal with toadie things.

Agent Bootscooter is in charge of whatever we do with the clippers and maybe Agent Backhoe can recruit Gas Monster Cats for the 4th of July.

Agent Minimuscle, watch out for those hormones!

Agent Intimidator, I've seen these helmets that hoomans wear on bikes, maybe they would help when the birdies start attacks?

Agent OOK9, I would not trust my big sisters to do the 2-agent butt squeeze properly (especially if I just snagged their chewies -- which I do all the time). Bouncer would probably test it on me first!

Agent OU812, I am glad you are doing better. Mommy put some stuff called "Bandguard" on my tail bandages that I kept chewing off -- it was NOT GOOD. Watch out if the hoomans find some of that stuff!

Agent Hugger going looking for chewies.
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/ksmile.gif

[Tanya]

Agent Pest...dragging your butt across the floor doesn't work all that well, believe me I have tried. Why do you think I got the name Bootscooter...it sounded a little better than butt scooter. If you do find a way though to keep us from having to go to the room of doom to get our butts squeezed, please pass that info along.

Agent Hugger...do you really think Bouncer would aim the butt shooter at you? We can't have Agents shooting other Agents with the butt shooter. That is reserved for the enemy only.

I have heard these fir work things and they don't bother me much. I ignore it. I have discovered if you ignore hoomans and their silly tricks, they will go away at least temporarily.

Have a safe weekend Agents and remember - heads up and hineys down!

Bootscooter-over

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Secret Dachsie Agent Minimuscle reporting in on vital DWD business.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif

I have found out how the BIMs (birds in making) keep and store their information. They have a secret compartment behind their beaks. I have observed the Stinky-Sisters seek and destroy a BIM, then absorb and retrieve this information into their bodies. They do this by CONSUMING the BIM's storage compartment. We might call this the "head" but be sure that these small, but viscious creatures cannot be classified as our kind by any stretch of the imagination! They must be ALIENS!!!!http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/eek.gif

Luckily, I have infiltrated the Sister's clubhouse (doghouses) and Sadie Mae's loose lips often sink her ships. Mom-Hooman found the remains of the BIM and discarded it before I could sample any of the remaining evidence.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/angryfire.gif

I wonder what I could have learned from this?

Is there a Dachsie X File? If not we need one.

Minimuscle- over and long

"the fat is in the fire-but the fire is hot!"

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger reporting in. Mom did some more of that "yard work" this weekend... lawn dragons and lots of digging, so we were on duty outside for two solid days. Boy was it HOT! Black dogs are not made for the sun. Went swimming in our pool and Bouncer rolled in some swell, sticky, stinking, rotten figs. Mom was really disgusted!!! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/nuts.gif

Minimuscle, good job on the birdie intelligence. Will have to try for that nasty blue jay or the mockingbird. Lover is very upset with the woodpecker, but he doesn't come within reach as much as the others.

Bootscooter, I have been trying to get the smelly stuff to come out by licking my rear. Mom says I go to the room after the 4th...
She is threatening to get the floor dragon pack out of their closets, time for yard patrol!

Hugger out to find a quiet place. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/kiss.gif

[Mark]

00K9 reporting in . . .

Agent Bootscooter:
Perhaps you could work on another covert strategy to eliminate the clippers and being subjected to the butt-squeaze. Keep us in the loop.

Agent Roger:
Snap to soldier!!! Get over the peeing incident! You ARE an AGENT in the DWD!! Now, get out there and interrogate that toad. We in the DWD must show no fear to achieve our goals of world domination. (sorta)

Agent Dukey:
I agree with Agent Bootscooter and have found that dragging my butt on the carpet only increases the chances of being whisked off to the Room of Doom for a butt squeaze. The hoomans must be smarter than they look.

Agent Hugger:
The hoomans DID use that kind of bandage and Agent OU812 chewed it off anyway. Must be nice to be a DWD Agent whose really big & strong like him.

Agent Minimuscle:
Aliens? Perhaps your idea about a DWD X-files division is one we should implement. What do the rest of you Agents think. Should Agent Minimuscle be teamed up with one of our females who can doubt everything they find even when she sees it with her owns eyes. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif (Poor Mulder)

Agent Hugger:
Stiff upper lip, Agent. You're not the first and won't be the last Agent to be subjected to the hooman interrogation techniques employed in the Room of Doom. We're with you all the way and are certain you will withstand any of their efforts to make you divulge our DWD plans. Rmember . . . if they squeaze one of our butts - they squeaze all of our butts. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/confused.gif

ATTENTION ALL AGENTS:
It has come to my attention that the hoomans have one thing in common regarding this Fore-th of Jule-eye holiday they celebrate. Food! Yes, that's right there will be many extra opportunities for all of us to score some really cool stuff. Hot Dogs, hamburgers, Ribs, sausages . . . you name it, they'll have it. So be alert.

Agent OU812 is almost fully recovered and back to his continual patrol of our perimeter. As a test . . . Agent DB and myself sometimes bark at absolutely nothing and he immediately makes a diligent check of the house & grounds. He does it every time, just as he did before the injury.

Agent DB used her L@@K to score us a bunch of extra carrots, cauliflower, onions and tomatoes yesterday. MMMMMM that was good!

That's it for now . . . be careful of the explosives the hoomans have been using. After a few more days it will stop.

Sr. Agent 00K9 - End Transmission

"There is no difference in an orange"

[Dolly's Mom]

Agent Grub reports with ENTHUSIASM!! I SCORED!!!! Here I was just minding my own business being just an innocent dachsie sitting politely on MY rug by the kitchen. Do I need to mention that food preparation was going on in there? Well, suddenly the mommy does a fumble! I go in for the tackle! SCORE!!! Got me 4 derishious marinaded salad shrimpies. Mommys can be so clumsy. I scarfed with relish....NOT pickle relish either. Did the Squeek get any? NOOOOO. She was too busy sleepin'. Well, you know what they say...you snooze, you lose. Oooops, hope the Squeek doesn't read what I just wrote, but she's here and wants to report too.
The Grub under....the table

Squeek here! Well, I didn't get any shrimpies, but I ate the bunny ears off of my new plushie that mommy got me. Dolly tries to corral both plushies....the other is a long thing...might be a hotdog or alien. She puts on that bossy alpha attitude that is sooooo unbecoming. Also, don't tell mommy but Agent bootscooter, I've been taking bootscooting lessons. Hope mommy doesn't catch me and send me YOU KNOW WHERE.
Agent OU812, glad you are feeling ship shape! Mommy tried to feed me a strawberry. I tried to push it under the rug. Dolly actually LIKES those things. I didn't see the attraction myself.

Agent Squeek in and out and over and under

Cherry bombs do not taste like cherry.

Don't get blown up anybody!! Hoomans too!!!

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Grub! Wonderful work, you scoring those shrimpies. Yum. I scored a few cherries yesterday- but only ate them b/c Sadie Mae was trying to get them from me.

Tonight I bugged Mommy Hooman until she stuffed my kong ball with ham. Hahahaha! Big score there http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/facelick.gif

I heard some of those bombs going off tonight. I ran to my blankie and hid out until I was sure that it wasn't a nuclear attack or some such.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/mutant.gif

Agent OU812: glad you are back to patroling the perimeter. Istanbul sends it's regards.Keep a streaked eye on your feet. I feel the enemy knows your weak spot.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/eek.gif

Agent Hugger! Be very careful of all those BIMs. Have you seen this movie about all these BIMs attacking and killing people? It looked real to me! Steal a bike helmet before you go out. It will save you 2 ways: BIMs can't get to peck you and they can't invade your brain waves to glean DWD secret information.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/silly.gif

Must go out and bark! My national duty calls!

Agent Minimuscle out and outside

"next to ham,cherries are the pits"

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger here... Agent Minimuscle, thanks for the tip on the helmet, do they come in very small sizes? I've seen ones that Agent Bouncer could wear, but Im kind'a small. I do have speed working for me.

Agent OU812, glad to have you back to full speed. You will have to keep a sharp eye out for land mines.

Boy, Agent Grub... nice work on the Shrimpees! Mom doesn't seem to make those for us. She did bring us home 3 NEW BEDS! Agent Bouncer had chewed up the old ones, and these are really soft... do you suppose there may be transmission devices in the soft stuff? Looks like Mom may stay at home today, will have to be careful.

HAPPY 4th of JULY (Whatever that is)!!! All out!
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/jacks.gif http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/party.gif

[Tina]

This is agent Awl signing in. Just wanted to share with you the information that even if you are muzzled for nail-clipping it is always possible to do something.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/angry.gif Big H told about her wire-haired friend who managed to get her front teeth so much apart that she could immobilize the nail-clippers between them and, needless to say, never let go. A true idol for all of us young agents to follow. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/devil.gif Agent Awl quitting.

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Tina (edited July 04, 2000).]</font>

[Dukey's Mom]

Psstt...PEST here!

Help, Help, All Agents. Mom and dad have gone crazy and are trying to kill all Dachsies!!!

They are right now out in the back yard having spitting things on sticks light up! Also, they have other hoomans here shooting loud stuff with fancy fire.


Agents, the Fremont division is in trouble!!!!


But, the hot dogs are unguarded! PEST will go and take some...I guess we don't have that big of an emergency. Hey,any agents have some mustard???

The hot dogs are free


PEST over and hungry!

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer here. I know about those muzzles; they put one on me every time I go to the "room of doom" for the butt squeeze. I haven't even done anything to them... but I threaten to every time. Fireworks were boring. We checked out the new beds and slept through all the noise. What's our next assignment??? I will check out the garbage collectors and mailman tomorrow... may get some action there. Bouncer going to see if I can see some of those fireworks before I fall completely asleep!
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter checking in since I've been on secret missions since Saturday. Sadly, nothing much happened.

Very proud of you Agent Grub snatching those Shrimp...some of my most favorite food.

Agent Hugger, don't fret too much about the Room of Doom and your butt. We will send you telepathic messages to help numb the pain and keep you focused on the mission.

Pest - I've seen the fancy fire in the sky, but thought the hoomans were being silly and went in the house to sleep.

I do have a concern my dear agents. I heard my mommy talking to the lead tortue lady in the room of doom. The lead torture lady said I was getting pudgy and that with my age I needed less food! The agony!! My hoomans are withholding food from me and I fear that I cannot survive it! Please Agent Grub, 00K9 anyone...BRING ME FOOD!!!

Bootscooter
Out and begging for scraps (The humanity!)

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Bootscooter! I heard your plea for help. Stay stong! Remember the DWD pledge and ideals. Just think, when WE contol the Big Cold Food Box we will treat those as WE have been treated.

Start hoarding kibble NOW. Suck in your waist and stick out your ribs when the hoomans look at you. Sad expressions help too. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/kfrown.gif

All Agents! I have been contacted by the French underground. I think they are ready to be part of our cause. I haven't really delved into this yet and I will approach them slowly. Must be sure there are no counter spies among them.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/uh-oh.gif

Agent Minimuscle

"Eat to live or live to eat? "

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssttttt...PEST here!

Agent Booscooter, how awful, why these hoomans will stop at nothing to stop DWD!

Agent Minimuscle is right, start hiding kibble NOW, suck in the gut! Withhold food! Awful.

Agent Sammy has a unique technique that works. When he wants something-food-he drops to the floor belly up and just wags his tail. He has scored big time doing this. Mom is so weak!

Agents, we have a problem. Dad has a new attachment to the lawn dragon. We, the Fremont Agents barked ferociously at it, and dad was forced to put it back in it's cave. It was close though.

BTW, Agent Dukey would like to know who was supposed to have ordered our red convertables? Ours haven't arrived yet!

One last item. We had a huge success of a mission. Mom and dads friends came over to play with the grilly thing. Mom was in the kitchen and dads friend put a bag on one of the chairs, well, I PEST, grabbed that bag and ran like crazy!

It had YUMMIES! We had some yummy potato salad and some angel eggs?? YUM, boy was mom mad, daddy and his friend laughed, mom didn't! About 15 minutes later ( I was on a roll) one of the floaty things jumped right out of the pool and I Pest killed it! I got yelled at again! It was moms favorite floaty thing. I almost felt bad!

The toad is lurking

PEST out and low

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger reporting in. We just got back from the "Room." Mom took all 3 of us. While we were waiting we spotted a baby agent (6 weeks old) and talked DWD to him. Half of the assistants there now have dachsies... While we waited on the puppy, a big, black lab tried to come into our room and we sent him to the cat side fast!!! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/rolleyes.gif

Unfotunately, we did not escape the room, but we did get some neat treats to take home... I am sure they are low fat. Maybe we could send some to Agent Bootscooter for hiding? Agent PEST, how do you do it all! Food, floaties... You are really amazing! Maybe I can learn from you? Agent Hugger recovering from a sore sit down place. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blushie.gif

[Dolly's Mom]

Agent Hugger, you done good! SALUTE! Sadly, agent Squeek sez with a sad squeek that mommy has determined that I must also go to the ROOM of DOOM! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/crying.gif You see, I have been watering the floors and rugs and carpet in the house, but not getting much in the way commendation for my efforts. The last straw for mommy was when I wetted on Dolly and my blankie...you know, the swiss cheese blankie. Mommy wasted no time getting on that telyfone to the Doom Room even though it was beddybye time...after 10:00. So dear agents, mommy suspects that I may have a blabber, I mean BLADDER infection PLUS she is worried about my footie that we already went to the mean ol' lady for....I'm still chewing on it. I am getting real worried cuz I is supposed to take an airplane ride next week and mommy may not let me go canvass for the DWD...I mean visit all the doxies who will be there if I've got an infection...blabber or footie. What is an agent in distress to do? Please send good doxie rays this way so I will get all better. If only mommy spoke doxie then I could tell her zactly why I peed FOUR times in the house between 7 and 10 o'clock.
Agent Squeek cowering out and under

Agent Grub here! Yes, Squeek is quite a doglet. Why, I'd be mortified if I pee'd in the house. She didn't say it, but she left a poopy today on the rug too for mommy and papa to see when they got home. Now, agent Bootscooter, what can we do about the horrible condition you've found yourself in. Don't pass this on to your hooman, but when I got chunky, know what MY hooman did? She put my whole meal in one of those ballies where you have to chase it around the whole house and the kibble comes out a leeeeetle at a time. Such indignities to have to chase your dinner....hrrrrumph! How about escaping during the day whilst your hooman isn't looking or at work and take up a corner with a sign that sez "Will work for Beggin' Strips"? Don't forget to look real down and out if you use this tactic....like limp a little or go roll in something to make it L@@K like you haven't had a bath in 5 years. You MUST be convincing. Oh dear! Mom and dad are coming better sign off. The hoomans still have the puter on lockdown during the day. Will send signals and rays when we can.

Grub off to bed http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sleep.gif

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssttt...PEST here!

Agent Squeek! I hope you don't have an infection, whatever that is! I am sorry about the room of doom visits. You don't think this is a ploy to get DWD info do you?

Bad move pooping and peeing, I always get caught! I try to blame one of the other agents, but mom is on to me.

All Agents!

In addition to the toad, we now have a bunny and chipmunk tormenting us. They are just beyond our fence and they are driving us crazy! They run out there and say" down with DWD", at least I think thats what they are saying.

We want to get them in the worst way, but mom keeps telling us to stop barking. We think they have been sent to get DWD info. We don't know what to do...any suggestions?

The crow is swimming

Pest out and low

[Wienergal]

Two agents coming in from the cold and reporting for duty! We are Agent Adorable and The Farfinator (master of weaponry), and we have been on a secret assignment in France for the past few months. We were sent by the Fearless Leader Himself. Our mission: recruitment of French dachsies. We were chosen because my mommy always denies it when someone refers to us as "German dogs." She says, "Oh no--they're from France," and the hoomans laugh and laugh. Mommy says it's a line from "The Coneheads," which we believe to be some bizarre type of dog allied with the hoomans.

The French dogs are with us! But they are sadly behind. They have not trained their hoomans to use the poopy bags to clean up after them on the sidewalks! They need help in this regard. If a dachshund cannot have a hooman walking behind it, carrying its waste in a plastic bag, DWD can never come to fruition!

On the other hand, the French dachsies get better snacks. Late at night, around the fire, we heard amazing tales of treats called Camembert and pate de foie gras! Also, the French dachshunds drink the occasional dribble of wine. Which may be why they talk so funny.

One more thing: Agent Adorable here. I have discovered a hooman weapon that I believe has magic powers and that the hoomans may be planning to use against us. There are two in my very own home. These are wands--YES! such as wizard use!--with large, furry poofs on the ends! They are kept secreted away in a closet with the floor dragons. When mommy takes one of them out, she waves it over a table or the top of a dresser, and--you won't believe this, but I swear it is true--ALL OF THE DUST DISAPPEARS!!! It is positively terrifying to observe!

Whenever one of these wands is brought out, I attempt to grab it. Even though I am almost 12 years old (in hooman years; after DWD, the calendars will be in dog years!), I leap high into the air and fling myself against the furniture, attempting to capture one. I have gotten the furry part in my jaws several times, and mommy gets very upset. Agent Farfinator actually killed one once. He got into the closet, grabbed the wand, hid in the laundry basket, and pulled off all the fluffy stuff. Nothing happened. It makes a dachshund wonder....

Have other agents observed such magical instruments? I think they are more powerful than the floor dragons.

Agents Adorable and Farfinator, over and under. But mostly under.

Beans don't burn in the kitchen, fish don't fry on the grill....

[Mark]

Psssssssssstttttt . . . 00K9 reporting,

First and foremost let's give a big friendly butt sniff to Agents Adorable & Farfinator! Fearless Leader has advised that these are 2 agents that the hoomans fear and have only heard rumors of their existence. An example of their prowess is their resolve to investigate and destroy the hoomans Magic Wand. I, myself have seen this magic as it is being wielded by that lady that comes over weekly. She must be a "hit witch" for sale to the highest hooman bidder. I think we all look forward to hearing more about the covert missions of these agents and their successes in recruiting French agents.

Agents DB and OU812 are currently on assignment to Istanbul and I await their reports with anticipation. The three of us will be on a mission again this weekend. We have observed the hoomans preparing for a "Barr Buh Cue" (that's what they call it in hooman talk) and that always means chances to score some goodies.

Mama and daddy have been talking about "hand stripping" the coats of Agent DB and myself. Is anyone aware of what this means? I'm not sure, but it sounds like yet another feeble hooman attempt to break our spirits and make us divulge DWD plans.

I am very proud to be a member of this organization and must say that all Agents have been doing an outstanding job! I look forward to the day of our takeover and the submission of hoomans to our every whim. All this will have been worth it.

I heard daddy say something about replacing the carpet and I think he means the soft stuff on the floor. If this is so then we will be more than just a little upset . . . we've got this stuff broke in just the way we like it. Hrumph, hoomans!!!!

I've got to leave for now to check on Agents DB & OU812 to see what's going on out in Istanbul.

00K9 - done for now

Is less more or is it just more or less?

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Minimuscle reporting in. It's 17:19 Pacific Time and things are quiet on the Western Front (Back).

Welcome to the home- fold Agents Farfinator and Adorable. It sounds like you really know your ways around a French dachsie's kibble bowl...

Pate d'foie gras- isn't that GOOSE livers???
See! You have already found out what those big mean gooses are good for...http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/facelick.gif

Agent Farfinator- what type of weapons are you master of? Or, are they all too secret to discuss here, even though we are sure our codes haven't been compromised?

Oh Agent Squeek! Take care! You might be the victim of toxic toad plots...http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blah.gif
Chipmunk and Toad might be sending you Anti-Dachs Rayzzzzz! Wrap your ears in tin foil to send those rays back to the evil ones.

Agent 00K9! This Hit-Witch person sounds dangerous to our cause. She is able to infiltrate different homes to gather all the data she needsso she bears watching! Quickly relay this message to Istanbul.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/eek.gif

Thank you for the warning about the Magic Wands! If they are used to eat dust,yet make no sound they must be a type of Stealth Dragon! We now know the Hoomans have this technology and this is what they must have been developing at Area 51 these last 50 years. I am really worried- if they can make dirt and dust disappear,then what can they do to a dachsie?http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/mutant.gif

I have some important information to pass on about the Ba-Bee-Q. Heard from the Hoomans that this is "old French" for "beard to tail". I guess those greedy Hoomans must have cooked whole animals on spits. I wonder if those ancient dachsies got their shares?

Agent Minimuscle

Over and under (the blankie)

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by WOTANSMUTTI (edited July 07, 2000).]</font>

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer reporting in tonight. It has been too quiet today. We've been trying to stir something up all day. The lawn dragon person came, but he was no fun.

Agent Minimuscle, glad to hear that the Western Front is under control.

Agents OOK9 and DB, that handstripping stuff is not good. Mom even tried one of those combs that is supposed to help. I NOW EAT all combs and brushes before they can remove my wire coat!

Agent Squeek, I hope your trip to the room was not bad and that they have been able to discover a way to make your blabber better...

Agent PEST -- WOW! A chipmunk and a bunny! I will trade 3 tree rodents with bushy tails for a chipmunk. Some have seen something called an arm-a-dillo around here, but I have only seen flattened ones on the road. Wonder if they would be good to roll in?

Agent Lover wants to make a suggestion to Agents Adorable and Farfinator about the fluffy wands on sticks: be sure that the fluffy part is not attached to a CAT when you jump in the air to get it. She got one of those once, and got in BIG trouble. Good work on the French Connection.

Agents Bouncer, Lover, and Hugger .. back to breaking in the new dachsie beds...
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sleep.gif http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sleep.gif http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sleep.gif

[Wienergal]

Shhhhhhhh! The Farfinator reporting, along with Agent Adorable. We believe that our mommy KNOWS about our communication on this network yesterday. When we got home from the office, she confined us to the kitchen until bedtime! No matter how much we cried and barrrooooed, she wouldn't let us out. She said something about the carpets having been cleaned and not being dry yet, but that was obviously a pathetic excuse: SHE was on the carpet! She is out at the farmers' market now and we must be careful not to be found at the pawboard!

We are very encouraged to read about the excellent activities undertaken by our fellow-agents!

Agent Minimuscle--Good job keeping the western front under control! If you can bring down one of the geese in your sector, your mom might be able to make you some pate. As to my weapons expertise, I am unable to reveal classified information, but I will tell you that sprawling across the feet of the mommy, then rolling on your back and giving her the L@@K is an extremely effective device. Food often follows.

Agents DB and OU812--We don't want to alarm you, but "hand stripping" means they pull out your hairs, one by one, with their hands! The hoomans do this to make you look more like a domesticated dog and less like the wild and free fellows you are! If you can avoid this procedure, do so! If not, rolling in a dead thing immediately after the procedure has been performed is good antidote. You can then run into the house and roll on the new carpet, so that it is broken in more quickly.

Agent Bouncer--ALL dead things are good to roll in! This is the subject of some of our most secret weapons research. Armadillos have plates, though, so be careful not to scratch yourself. Please report back on the success of this operation, if you choose to accept the assignment.

Agent PEST--Be very wary of that bunny! Hoomans sometimes make them pets, and if that were to happen, your operations base would be severely compromised. Keep barking!

Uh-oh! The rustle of bags at the door!

Agent Farfinator, over and.....

[Mark]

Agent OU812 reporting in . . .

Agents DB and 00K9 are in stealth mode to avoid "hand stripping" so it falls to me to report our activities.

Agent Minimuscle:
Your advice regarding the Hit Witch is noted and we will keep her under close surveilance. If our suspicions are confirmed we will endeavor to take her out with extreme prejudice.

Agent Bouncer:
Thank you for the heads up on the combs the hoomans use for "hand stripping". I will be sure to advise Agents DB & 00k9. Naturally if they need my help in getting the combs & brushes off high counters . . . I will assist.

Agent Farfinator:
THEY PULL OUT THEIR HAIRS???? Is it a hooman form of torture to get DWD secrets? They don't do that to Catahoulas too, do they? I will advise Agents DB and 00K9 to stay deep undercover to avoid this atrocity. Thanks for the information and again, congratulations on your French Connection.

Well, it appears the hoomans are about to start the Bar-Buh-Cue . . . so I'm off to see what kind of goodies I can score.

DWD forever!!!

OU812 - up & out http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agents be warned: NEVER roll in a dead Porcipine. One of the Stinky Sisters did a while back and had to go to the Room of Doom to get tubes in her wounds. She ended up smelling worse than the dead porky!
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blah.gif AND she got really sick http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sick.gif

I am on surveilance of the Ba-Buh-cue today.
The Hoomans have brought home some rib bones and have them stashed out of my toothies way- but I will trip them later and hopefully the whole she-bang will tumble to the ground!

What plans and plots we must weave-we of the Dachshund World Domination!

Agents Farfinator and Adorable! How clever to use the L@@K while disabling the Hooman's feet. They haven't much choice then except to give in point blank. You mentioned "barrooo-ing". Do you both practice the Sonic Deterant? This can keep the Hoomans in extreme excitement while you creep up on the TV trays to check out what's left from dinner (snack- whatever). http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/facelick.gif

Well, time for a perimeter check- then a quick nap. One must catch those 20 winks when the Hoomans are resting or engaged.

Agent Minimuscle
"you snooze, you ooze"

P.S. Mom won't let me make pate with the traditional goose liver http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/frown.gif
But I'll try some ingredient substitutions and let you know how it works out http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bad-boy.gif

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger reporting in. We have been on weekend yard patrol again, but Mommy will not do one of those BBQ things for us. Please let us know how you made out Agent Minimuscle and Agent OU812. Thanks for warning Agent Bouncer about Porcupines. She would try anything! Good warning about the plates too, Agents Farfinator and Adorable.

I Hugger have discovered NEW POWERS! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif
If I stand on my tippy toes I can just reach the BIM pond on a stand. Mommy said it wasn't nice to drink the birdies' bath water because I could get sick. Will pursue this objective more when she is not watching. Now that I can stand on my hind legs, I might even be able to jump (never tried that, but I've watched Agents Bouncer and Lover). Off to exercise my muscles. Hugger down and ... http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sleep.gif

[Dolly's Mom]

Agent Squeek squawkin' atcha!

Geeeeeez, you would think that my hoomans would have something better to do than hauling me off to the silver table room! Well, I found myself there yet again on Saturday. I say if they are going to worry, let's give 'em sumptin to worry about. When they stuck that probe up my butt I was shakin' so much that it made my temperature jump 2 degrees! Well, actually this plan though brilliant in itself, sort of backfired on me. After that probe came out, I was whisked away to another TOP SECRET room. Even my mommy couldn't come in there with me http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/crying.gif
Oh, they did TERRIBLE things to me like sticking needles in me and taking yerrine...whatever that is and squeezing my bootie which I squirted them back...heee hee.
Then the lady doc wrapped my back footie up in this fashionable pink bandage. Of course, I don't want the kittycats laughing at me, so I have been trying my best to get rid of the flourescent pink thing. So far I haven't done well in this mission. Mommy has resorted to MEAN MOMMY tactics and put Tabasco sauce AND bitter apple on my bandage. I'm truly embarrassed. Even the Grub felt sorry for me last night and nosed one of her plushies toward me to make me feel better. Well one of them is really mine, but SHE thinks they are both hers.I play along to amuse her. One thing good came out of this. Suddenly 3 times a day I have been getting nice tidbits of roast beef. Hmmmmmmm, I must admit, it does sound suspicious. Wonder if they are drugging me? Mommy was really smiling today also. She got a call from the vet lady and it seems that I don't have a blabber infection after all. Mommy is calling me a rebel. I call it this way...I don't like any changes in my world and if there are changes, then I'm not taking them sitting down. I will PROTEST! It's always good to keep the hoomans in a confuzzed state http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/dizzy.gif, don't you agree? Well, suddenly I'm am feeling sleepy.....sleepy http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sleep.gif I wonder, I wonder....could those yummy roastie beef pieces have poison??? I wonder....nighty night. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sleep.gif

Agent Sleep...I mean Squeek under and under.

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssssstttt...PEST here!

Welcome Agents Farfinator and Adorable! Glad to have the French connection!

We plotted and carried out our mission yesterday, and it went without incident. Here is what the Fremont Agents did!

Mom and dad were having one of those bar bee q's using the grilly thing. I watched mom making potatoes and all kinds of stuff. Grandma and Grandpa were over and Grandma was setting up the table. Dad ran out of room to put the burgers on so he used a small table from the deck, bad move.

Agent Dukey spotted the potential yummy's first. We worked together distracting dad and whala! Instant burgers! Best part, mom didn't even yell at us, she said it was dad's fault!

We are still having problems with the chipmunk and bunny. We are convinced they are some sort of secret agents from somewhere trying to get information on DWD.

I am so impressed with all these fronts being covered. France, West, Istanbul, this is great. Do we have any agents located in Bora Bora? We nay need to look into that, never know what secret information may be lurking behind a palm tree.

The coconut is crushed

PEST out and low

[Mark]

Psssssssssssssssst . . . 00K9 here,

Agent Pest:
Good SCORE for you and Agent Dukey on the burgers. No such luck here. All we got out of our hoomans Bar-Buh-Cue was frustrated! Even with Agent OU812's height, we just didn't stand a chance. Oh sure, they toss a a couple of bitty pieces of Hot Dog - Big Deal! Pest, I also am impressed with the way our movement is spreading worldwide. I also think that the chipmunk and bunny warrant close surveilance. Keep us posted for I'm sure there are other such spies trying to penetrate our security.

Agent Squeek:
How terrible! You had just about every Room of Doom torture the hoomans are known for done to you . . . even the dreaded Secret Room! Are you OK? Are you still with us? I'm sure even with all their tactics they were not successful in turning you to the Dark Side. Be careful not to overuse the Rebel stuff . . . until we actually take over they can make life a living kennel. I know you'll do the right thing for DWD.

Agent Hugger:
Be careful about the jumping! Hoomans seem to freak out when we do that. Also watch out for the dive bombing BIM's . . . it could be a very dangerous mission.

Agent Minimuscle:
I don't believe we White Lake agents are familiar with a Pork-You-Pine. What do they look like? If it's dangerous when their dead . . . what are they like when alive? Tubes in wounds at the Room of Doom? That's scary sounding.

All Agents:
The time continues to draw near for the DWD takeover. Be alert to every nuance of obstacles the hoomans may throw our way.

00K9 - DWD forever!

End Transmission

The blind salesman can see

[Tanya]

Hello Agents. I've been away for a while. My communication device at home is always used by my daddy so I have to sneak to my mommy's work place to communicate. Fear not my agent friends, I, Agent Bootscooter have no starved, but am feeling very weak. I will do all I can to carry on for the DWD. My food has been cut to 1/2 cup a day and I don't know how long this torture will continue!

The 2 foot tall hooman left a blueberry nutrigrain bar on the table this morning so I scavenge when I can. My mommy was not happy but I don't care! As long as I have the small hooman on my side, I will not starve. Her code name for me is Beezabean.

Welcome French connection! Or...Bon jour!

Bootscooter Out!

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger here. Haven't tried jumping with my mom around yet... she has been watching me carefully.

Agent Bootscooter -- good to hear that you have not starved and have been able to convert a small human to your food gathering cause.

Good job on the burger score Agents Pest and Dukey! Sorry you were unable to score Agent OOK9, but there is always next time!

Agent Squeek -- we are glad you did not have a blabber fection. Be careful with your at'tude or your mom may make you go to crate training! You can only use that stuff so much to get attention and then you get in trouble.

Still have not found a BIM helmet the right size. Sent mom to Toy R Us to look for doggie people toys and all they had was "infant"... way too big! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/frown.gif Will keep looking... maybe the "Big Dog" Outlet Store. They had sun hats that fit me and shade my eyes. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/cool.gif

Agent Hugger going under and out to check the perimeter.

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssst...PEST here!

I have great news for all agents. The finishing touches are being put on the Northest division meeting for DWD. They think it is for DRNA picnic. Silly hoomans!

We even have the hoomans bringing food for us. We will be bopping for hot dogs, hmmmm...was that in the agent handbook? We also have a costume, er, diquise contest!

Anyway, we have as of last count 63 agents attending, and it keeps growing! So while the hoomans are admiring us, we will be putting plans together.

We have just found out that that real little guy who talks out of the box that dad watches is coming to interview us.

We will have to be very careful and stick with the picnic cover. I will forward all plans as they become available.

DWD is going to happen, it's within our paws!

The dog is walking..

PEST out and low

[weenie]

Agent Flytrap here....

Do you mean Northeast Dachsie Day on Aug. 5? I am practicing my L@@K to convince my daddy to take me and mommy. If there is another meeting let me know.....

Flytrap buzzzzzzing out!

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssttt...PEST here

Agent Flytrap, the meeting I'm talking about is July 29th!

We are preparing.......


PEST out and low

[~8DachsieAngels~]

*Psssssst* This is agent Red1 Leader of the 8pack dont think we will be able to attend the ummmmm DWD mission er umm i mean get togather ... we are working on the 48inch problem (see toys thread ) with great dilagence NO LUCK yet!!! Mom took the blasted crates out so we are left to try to climb like monkeys shes getting to smart for her own good. She even took the big waterfall thingy outta there ... i liked that thing too always had lots of water to drink... anyone else have one of dem? I thought it may be a useful tool in my escape but she was too quick.... out doxied again ... any suggestions agents i must scale this 48in xpen or all hope of missions while moms gone are lost ... please help...

Signing out!!!
Red1

[Mark]

Agent 00K9 here . . .

I'm a bit concerned for Agent OU812. Mama & daddy to him to something called Oh-bee-dee-unse last night . . . when he finally got home last night he wouldn't talk about it AND I could smell strange hoomans and dogs!!! What do we know about this Oh-bee-dee-unse thingy?

Agent Bootscooter:
Where can we get one of these small hoomans? Sounds like a good deal to have one. Hang in there on the starvation tactics and keep using the L@@K whenever you can.

Agent Hugger:
We may have to make a custom BIM helmet for this mission. Can the sunhats be modified to do the job? Keep us posted.

Agent Pest:
Good job, as usual. It sounds like the Northeast division DWD conference will be pivotal to our cause. We of the DWD are getting close, my fellow Agents!

Agent Flytrap:
We assume you got the triple coded message regarding the Northeast gathering dates. I trust you have control of your hooman and will attend one of them.

Agent Red1 Leader:
Nice to meet you. I don't believe we have been on mission together before. Yes, hoomans can give the appearance of being smart at times . . . I think if you and the 8pack hit her with the L@@K, combined with simultaneous Barooo-ing you will have your way with her. Let us know if this will require troop movements.

Oh no, here comes daddy . . .

00K9 - End Transmission

Where every night is a Three Dog Night . . .




<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Mark (edited July 11, 2000).]</font>

[~8DachsieAngels~]

Thanks agent 00K9

Mission the 48inch big nasty play pen is in full affect over here we tryed the L@@k but she said something about gettin wise to that so we are trying the play dead approach so far we have gotten some small morsals but nothing to rave about we will keep you posted!

Signing out!
Agent Red1

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer reporting tonight. Agent Hugger is busy trying to find plans for a custom BIM helmet. Agent OU812, I hope that those classes can help you in asserting the DWD cause and letting hoomans know who is in charge. Heard a rumor that I may have a small hooman to train next week. Mom's talking about taking me on a trip with her and leaving the smooth sisters at home with a dachsie sitter. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/jacks.gif

I have a report on stripping! Mom removed a whole handful of my wire coat last night and is threatening to do more to keep my wild, furry look under control. I am going to do all in my power to grab that stripping comb and hide it as soon as possible. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/smile.gif

Hugger, Lover, and I want to go to the NE party.... there is food isn't there? Bouncer up, over and out! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif

[Mark]

Attention all Agents:

I believe the hoomans have infiltrated this communications center . . . report to communication center #4.

00K9 - riding low & out

[Dukey's Mom]

Psssttt...PEST here!

Agent OU812, I am concerned over this Oh-bee-dee-unce thing! Sounds like a torture tactic! Agent OOk9 please watch out for OU812, this could be seriuos!

Agents Bouncer, Hugger and Lover, if you can get transport, come on down to the NE DWD division! We have heard the hoomans have a huge food list. My mom is making chicken arms and nachos, whatever they are?

No changes on the chipmunk and bunny front, other than there are more than one bunny spies!

Oh oh, incoming

to ere is divine but is it divine to ere?

Pest out and low

[Mark]

The new communications center is in place. New Agents should read 1) Dottie's Mission Impossible (the first DWD Com Center including the development and history of the DWD), 2) Psst - it's PEST DWD (the second Com Center - a lot of the development of the DWD network) 3) this one and 4)DWD Com Center #4 - No hoomans Allowed (our newest center.

00K9