Psst...It's PEST DWD

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst...PEST here. All Agents,I had to move the DWD Control Central...me thinks we have spies! Gasp!

Agent Squeek, we will give you another chance. OOK9..you will have to moniter Agent Squeek to ensure her devotion to DWD.

Agent Grub, I fear you cannot be trusted. Get control of yourself! Food isn't everything...wait, did I just say that. Ok, we may be being a bit too harsh.

Dukey and I had a failed mission last night. We hang our heads in shame. Dukey got a roll of lifesavers out of mom's bag, he's really good at that. Anyway, we booked it outside only to be foiled because dad had just come home. Yup, he took them away! I was just about at the cherry one too!

Oops, gotta go..a hooman is coming!

" The frogs are croaking!"

PEST ... Long and over!

[Mark]

Pssst . . . 00K9 here.

Agent Backhoe: Regarding an interesting smell eminating from your "Mata Hari" . . . I don't know. I'm a girl and OU812 hasn't run into that situation yet, but he thinks your supposed to hug your hoomans leg . . . vigorously. Going outside in the rain isn't so bad here. We make a quick U-turn under the deck . . . hee hee, wait till they see what's under there.

Agent Squeek: OK, your back in . . . for now, but we will be watching you closely.

Agent Black Ice: UPS man? Is there a DOWNS man, too? "The Hippopotamus is on vacation and the Crocodile is a Duck".

Agent Snuggle Butt: I guess we should get some of those Elephant things, but I can ride on OU812! Do you think the hoomans are on to you? Starvation could be one of their brainwashing tactics!!!! Watch your back.

Agent Pest: Shouldn't a move of the communication center have gone through "the Council" first? And "FOOD ISN'T EVERYTHING"? That smacks of turncoat talk . . . have you so quickly forgotten DWD Oath sections 3 & 7? Tell me it ain't so, Pest. Have you been turned to the Dark Side? I hope not for we will have lost a driving force in the DWD.

ALL AGENTS:

"The door is a jar and the jar is peaved".

There's something up with our hoomans . . . they are not allowing ANY opportunities to score some goodies. Then for no reason whatsoever they "give" us some yummies last night. They're a devious lot, those hoomans. I don't trust them. We will report any other unusual activities in our next communication.

00K9 & OU812 - OUT!

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst...PEST here. Sorry about forgetting to get council's approval for the moving of Control, but an agent was having problems with their communicator, never mind the spy issues!

OOK9 and all agents, we need to come up with our list of demands.

I will add one.

I will never ever wear the pink sweater with the little dogs on it again!

PEst.... out and over

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter here. Sorry Agent 00K9. I requested that the communication center be moved due to problems with info overload. All is well now.
Agents...I have been humiliated and tortured for info, but don't fear...I did not break. I was taken into this small room with a silver table. I tried to escape but my efforts were fruitless. Then someone lifted my tail and squeezed my butt! I yelled for assistance, but you all must have been on other missions.

I think I have the Cujo situation under control. He has been imprisoned. He was peeing on the walls (kinda made me proud) and was sentenced to time in the crate. (Don't worry too much...he is very pampered).

Stole a Goldfish cracker last night from the 2 foot tall human. She is putty in my hands...ummm...paws! (Haaaa, Haaaaa, Haaaa)

Bootscooter...still scootin
OVER

[Owen's Mom]

Agent PB4WEGO aka The Stink reporting for duty. I'm here to represent the South West Coast for Operation DWD. I offer myself up as "muscle" for the organization, for so far, I am the biggest baddest frito footed bandit here, weighing in at 22 lbs. I have perfected "The L@@K" and submit it for study and encouragement for those younger agents who have not quite mastered it as of yet <IMG SRC="http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=628165&a=4582128&p=20495612&Sequence=1" border=0>

I have the hoomans fooled, they think I can't understand their "english"... Yet I understand every word perfectly!! Important information... If they say "No, it's people food, not for doggies" this translates to "If you stare at me long enough with those pittiful eyes, you will get a bite."

I must go, I think I hear a hooman coming, or is that the UPS truck?

End transmission
Agent PB4WEGO

[WOTANSMUTTI]

<FONT COLOR="Red">WARNING TO ALL AGENTS! LIES SPREAD ON ANIMAL PLANET...</FONT c>

Agent Minimuscle from Ellensburg checking in. Have been keeping up on all communications from both threads...<FONT COLOR="Green">We must not squabble amongst ourselves! The enemy waits.</FONT c>

Animal Planet dude said that the reason we doggies give L@@KS is because we want our hoomans to "regurgitate". No way. I want food hot off the grill or dipped in gravy.
With misinformation like that being spread over the air- our hoomans might think we are better off with NO real food.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/angryfire.gif

Agents unite to stamp out this falsehood before all are affected with it! Wait!
Transmission is coming through! " The Goose is in the Poop! " I repeat, "The Goose is in the Poop!"

Floor Dragons are dangerous, not only because they may suck up an unwary dachsies but they offer competition for food crumbs. How many cheetos have YOU lost to it? Uh-Huh, thought so. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/mutant.gif
Hey, Agent Stink! You have mastered the L@@K and I bow to your high and mighty-ness. I will try and send you a woodrat. You deserve it.

Agent Bootscooter! DO NOT LET THEM SQUEEZE YOUR HINEY!http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/eek.gif This is another ploy to intimidate us.THEY will stoop so low as to stop at nothing to humiliate and deject us so we can't function as a unit.Keep framing Cujo...

Agent Pest! I am with 00K9!Do not let Food and it's glory stand between you and your oath! Food will be our victory in the end-but we must keep our long,fine noses to the task at paw. Dominate then masticate!

OH-UH! Mom is coming. Quick! I must hide all the foot prints on the keys. Spray the room with scent-get rid of that frito smell! Ah!

Mission accomplished- Over and over and over before out.

Minimuscle

[Dolly's Mom]

All Agents....http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/hapfac01.gif Melt down! Melt down! The hotdog is in the fire! Gasp! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/hapfac01.gif Suffering from heat exaustion! Send in the fire hoses! Agent Squeek is melting! Tongue is hanging out. 107 here! Hoomans don't care. They go to work all day and leave me here with the GRUB to ROAST. Mommy will prolly forget us now that she has her new job.....undoubtably working for the OPPOSITION!!! Can any good come from this
villianous plot?

Agent SQUEEK!

Over and tongue OUT.

PS....thanks for allowing me to PROVE my integrity. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/jacks.gif

[Mark]

00K9 here. Communication reply # I8B46

Agent Pest:
Ok on the change of communication venue. My concern was that new agents would have trouble getting up to speed with a fragmented line of communications. All new Agents should review prior communications, labeled Code Name: Dottie's Mission Impossible. Keep up the good work in the NH region!

Agent Bootscooter:
Good work with the Cujo situation. I myself have been submitted to the infamous "room with the silver table torture" . . . (aka; the room of doom) including the butt squeaze tactic they seem so fond of using. Hang in there - ya can't keep a good Dachsie Agent down!

Agent Stink:
Your skills are amazing and we desperately need a good South West Coast agent . . . and your expertise in L@@K training and hoomanese interpretation is a big plus! Not to mention your formidable size and martial arts competencies. I look forward to working with you.

Agent Minimuscle:
The statement made by the Animal Planet dude just reaffirms that they will try anything to stifle our cause and the momentum we have built. Indeed, they have stooped to using misinformation to quell our enthusism and recruiting efforts. Do you think many hoomans will buy into these lies and STOP giving Dachsie yummies? I see the real need to increase the number of missions taken on by the DWD. With your help we will exceed perfection in the use of the L@@K and hypnotize them to our beckened call and every whim. Ha - Ha - Haaaa.

Agent Squeek:
Heat torture is a ploy of the hoomans. Do you really think, like everything else, they don't control the weather, as well. Well, suck it up Agent! You must be strong and not break under the evil doings of the hoomans. Do not . . . I repeat . . . Do not let them know it's getting to you. Pull in that tongue! That's better.

"The tree leaves when the clock strikes 13"

00K9 & OU812

END TRANSMISSION

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst PEST here..

Agent Squeek! All you need is a bun, and your done! Hang in there! We don't want to lose our littliest agent!

Agent Minimuscle. Are you sure you heard that right on Animal Planet! Even Dukey wouldn't resort to eating food that way!

Bootscooter...sorry about your butt...yuch!

Agent OOK9, Agent PB4WEGO ( I love that) Agent Snuggle Butt, Agent Black Ice and all other agents, we must make our demands known if DWD is to succeed!

We need to put out paws together and make our demands known. As members of DWD, you all need to add your own demands to the list.

Dukey wants his to be NO MORE BATHS, it takes the Frito smell away and he has a reputation to uphold!

PEST short and out

[Krista]

The hypnotist here:

Report: The nail clippers must be destroyed. Repeat - The nail clippers must be destroyed. Annihilate them at all cost. Do not be deceived by the humans. Nail clippers are extremely dangerous and will hinder our cause. Melt or hide if necessary. The L@@k will only save you for so long from these evil torture devices -Even I -The Hypnotist could only hold them off until last night. They clipped one of my nails, but I escaped to warn you.

Agent Squeek: If they get me, know I still love you and long to be near you. lay near an a/d duct vent for heat relief and wait for rescuers.

I must hide.
over and out.

[Mandy]

Snuggle Butt here...yes, you must get rid of all of the nail clippers. I hid the nail clippers and Mommy never found them (even when we moved)! I know there is a second pair now, but I refuse to let the parents do it and they gave up...although now they make me go visit the vet's office to get my nails cut (but at least for a consolation I get oohed and ahed over by all the cute girls who work there).

I discovered how to immitate Giggle Monster's voice today. I was barking at the Floor Dragon and decided to try it (he might as well take the rap for me). It was very successful. However, Mommy caught me doing it so I must only use it when she is in another room. I still have Daddy fooled and he yelled at Jakey for barking.....that should teach him to be a possible traitor!

Regurgitated Food????!!!???? Come on....we aren't birds! By the way, picked up part of a bird on one of our walks last week and carried it around until Mommy made me put it down. What is this weird power Mommies have over us? They make us do stuff we don't want to, but they are just great for back rubs, kisses, and snuggles.

Notice: Try working on male humans for treats. Daddy is more likely to sneak me food than Mommy is. Plus, if you get caught, then your Daddy gets in trouble and not you! For those agents with two humans in the house, this is a great way to work them against each other and get them under your control.

Keep up all of the good work. I am working on getting my toy elephant to eat so that he can get really big like the ones I saw on T.V. Then, we can use his big tail nose to pick treats off of counters and ride on his back. I will let you know how it goes. I must go....Daddy is eating Cheetoos...

Over and out.

[Owen's Mom]

Agent PB4WEGO checking in...

Let my demands be known!! I want a mommy who will stay with me all the time. None of this being confined to the ex-pen nonsense, it drives me crazy (as evidenced when I broke out and tore the door jam off the wall)!! None of this being left home while she goes out to dinner... I want her home ALL the time, if not home, I want her to take me with her to work and let me hang out there... but Noooooo... stupid hoomun rules, no dogs at work!! Hmph!

Also, I want to go the the dog park EVERY day. Not just when mommy feels like it! If only I had longer legs and opposible thumbs, I could drive myself there!

As for the floor monster that I've heard you all ganging up on... He's my friend. I bark at him a little when he'd doing his job, but other than that, he doesn't get turned on nearly enough in my house and it looks nicer after he's sucked the carpet. (I don't ever leave him ANY food, so that's not in issue over here).

Over and out... the black dog barks at midnight

PB4WEGO (AKA The Stink)

[WOTANSMUTTI]

<FONT COLOR="Red">WARNING!</FONT c> Agent PB4WEGO!

Don't fall under the spell of the dragon! It may seem harmless, even entertaining for a devil- may- care, top athelete as yourself- but once you are complacent about it's place in your dwelling- it may turn against you and be used for terrible purposes!

<FONT COLOR="Red">Latest Report on Diva Dog- Lab Extrodinaire:</FONT c> Diva rolled in goose poop and then tried to get the hoomans to pet and love her. This was totally planned and meant to disrupt the hoomans calm.

<FONT COLOR="Red">Report on Big Grass Eating Dog:</FONT c> The Big brown grass eating dog that has tasty feet is limping. I tried to comfort it- but it is very suspicious of me since I only come up to it's ankle. I couldn't get this Agent to talk no matter how long I interrogated it! I don't think we speak the same language. We need a linguist on board that can speak "Other Dogese".

Agents of the Heat Land! Drink plenty of water and hang in there. Make sad faces and the L@@k for X-tras! You deserve a break today- forgot who said that...

What do out agents in Europe say about all this? Do they have nailclippers there?

Over and backflips,
Minimuscle

[Mickamack]

Hey! It's Mickey here. So far, I've stayed out of this post. I wanted to get in, but I needed to reaffirm what I'd like my job duty to be for the organization....I want to be known as "The Intimidator"!http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/angry.gif

Yesterday I was at that horrible place, you know, getting poked and prodded, getting my nails clipped,and getting needles jabbed in me. My mommy told me it was all for my own good, but it didn't feel very good.

Nonetheless, I stood strong, and took the pain like a real stud, if I do say so myself. But the best part was when we were leaving, there was a big chocolate lab sitting in the waiting room, and I went after him. Too bad Mommy had me on my leash, otherwise, I would have roughed him up! By the time I was done with that wimp, that big ole' dog was shaking in his boots! Boo-hoo-hoo! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/crying.gif

I laughed all the way home. Me, only 9 lbs and him, probably 80lb...gosh, I am really good at being intimidating, so can I join the organization?? Do you need someone with my skills??? I can keep other agents in line, and help to remove other obstacles that get in the way of our world domination.

Oh, but that's not my only skill...I am also very skilled at the L@@K. Like when I came home yesterday from the vet, I pretended that I was sore from my shots. I laid down and gave Mommy my most pitiful L@@K...it worked...she came right over, started petting me, fawning all over me, and then got me a treat. In fact, I milked it for the rest of the day!

So, how about it? Can I be "The Intimidator"?

Mickey

[Mark]

Pssst . . . 00K9 here-

Agent Hypnotist:
Good work on your escape from the Nail Clippers! We have tried getting rid of the ones here too, but the hoomans just get a new one. I think there are Nail Clipper breeding centers everywhere.

Agent Snuggle Butt:
Yeah, I really don't understand the mommypower thing, but it does us no good to work on daddy . . . if anything he is tougher than mommy and they almost NEVER disagree about DB, OU812 or myself. Let us know right away if the Elephant is any good at stealing yummies off the counter. OU812 tries sometimes, but usually gets busted before getting far with the goods.

Agent Intimidator:
Welcome to the DWD and good work with your timely use of the L@@K. I'm sure you will be invaluable to the cause.

Agent Minimuscle:
Even though I don't believe Nail Clippers are indiginous to Europe . . . they have 'em there too. It's a worldwide plot of the hoomans!

Update in the Midwest:
Yesterday mommy was going out and she took OU812 with her. Myself and even DB tried the L@@K and she wouldn't take us all (for a double-agent, DB give the best L@@K I've seen). Then I was struck with a fear. What if mommy comes back ALONE? Thank goodness she didn't and today I will be debriefing OU812.

Midwest list of demands:
1-Hoomans never leave the house or, if outdoors . . . with us only!
2-Unlimited massages & belly rubs.
3-A Dachsie controlled yummy dispenser.
4-No butt squeazing.
5-100% attention of the hoomans for us and the rest of the time they can have for themselves.
6-No visits to the Room of Doom with the silver table.
7-The extermination of all Nail Clippers, worldwide!
8-We go out only when we feel like it, if it's raining or there's snow - forget it!
9-Complete obedience to our every whim.

Well, that should about do it . . . oh yeah, one more thing. I intercepted a communication that there's going to be a sleep over in Hanover, Maine . . . I'm sure they won't mind if ALL of the DWD members show up for the fun & free goodies. See you all ther tomorrow night.

"There is too much air in the phone booth"

00K9

End Transmission


<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 16, 2000).]</font>

[Rooney Brudders]

We wanna help, too! Code name: 00TRUBL. We have been together since we were born & make a really good team! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/uh-oh.gif Don't tell anybody, but we are the great, great, great grandsons of a German spy!!!!!! We know how to work ze hoomanz! Ve haf wayz to make zem talk! (And give more tweats) We also are Masters of the L@@K! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/eek.gif Please let us join! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif

00TRUBL under & over with tail wags!

[Agent Black Ice, under an]

http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/cool.gifAgent Black Ice, under and in:
Duh, 00K9, the meeting in Maine was a seekwet. Now what are we going to do? Hmm???
http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/rolleyes.gif
The sap runs clear by the full moon.

Rooney Brudders - always glad to have good new delegates. Have you taken the pledge? Of course you understand that you'll be on probabtion until you are no longer on probabtion. I mean for as long as you are still "junior members".

[Krista]

Hypnotist reports:

The stronghold mommy has fallen. I have conquered. She who never gives me junk food came under my spell today. I put her in a trance and forced her to let me lick her spoon as she was finishing off her raspberry sherbert. The hypnosis skills are getting stronger with practice.

I have managed to stay away from the EVIL clippers, but alas, have not been able to get rid of them yet. Still working on my plan.

Agent Squeek: Are you still alive and well? Try eating ice cubes or conning the humans into soaking a rope toy in water and freezing for you for long lasting cold chewy.
Continue to watch Agent Grub for signs of traitorship.

As to any other OHio assignments, please keep me informed.
over.

[Dolly's Mom]

Whew!! Finally got my paws on the puter. Mommy has been putting a secret lock on it while she's at work, so the likes of me, SQUEEK, can't get on it. Don't tell her, but I can't get on it anyway......too low to da ground. ANYWAY....ON the to the business at paw! That Dolly sissy of mine tells me that she has had a change of heart and wants to be Agent Grub for ONLY DWD. Of course, she really should be injected with Truth Serum to detect her true motive. This is the story she tell me though. Well, let HER tell the story....

Oh mighty ones! ROOT ROOT for the DWD 4ever!
Alas, I have come to realize that F O O D is NOT the means to beat all means....but it helps...er..ahem. Sorry, still a weakness. Seems that my mommy has decided to crack down on our vocabulary and yelling at the kittycats and imaginary monsters over on the other side of the fence. To that end, she has employed a major torture tactic. The big mean spray bottle. Oh, and this is not an ordinary spray bottle either, no siree. She has VINEGAR mixed in it for a real BUTT STING! This is truly a mind battle we fight here because as all us doxies know, we are SUPPOSED to bark at strange noises heard and unheard and seen and unseen. That's what us doxies DO! But mommy and papa seem to be of a differing opinion than us. They are of the mistaken opinion that we doxies should be seen and not heard. Hmmmmmmmm. Well, there is good news amongst this bleakness. We seem to see a breach of unitedness in the mommy and papa. See papa REFUSES to do any of the torturing......sez we are "YOUR DOGS", whatever that means. What he really is doing is trying to butter us up and make mommy look like the villianess. Oh, but we have mind reading tactics of our own on him. We know how he REALLY feels......and sometimes we are SHOCKED about his thought waves. 'Specially when we raise a nice ruckus when he is trying to watch a moodie. So, agents, will you put me on super quadruple secret probation and let me join the good side? I will gladly submit to any cheese detector....I mean LIE detector test you wish to give me.
Yours in solidarity,
AGENT GRUB

Squeek here again. So what do you think agents? Do you think she is to be trusted? Can a doxie really change her spots...or in Dolly's case her stripe? I will let you be the judge.

The heat is OFF and the sun is in the refrigerator.

Agent PB4WEGO, Floor dragons can NOT be trusted. Believe me on this one big buddy.
Welcome new agents. The more the merrier...and we are a merry bunch, aren't we?

Agent Squeek

[georgette]

http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/cool.gif <FONT COLOR="Orange">Black Ice reporting: under and in. OK Miss Dolly Doglet, we'll vote on your trial pwobationary junior pledge membership initiation at "THE HIDEOUT # 9". You all know when. Be sure to member your life pweservers for the doggy paddle.</FONT c><FONT COLOR="Orange">Under and Out, BI</FONT c>

[Mark]

Psssst - Agent OU812 here,

Agent 00K9 is currently on assigment to Istanbul (the backyard), so she asked me to check in briefly.

Today I was subjected to the Room of Doom, silver table and all. They could not keep me still long enough to take my temperature and I knocked one of the female hoomans across the room. As punishment they poked me with a really big needle full of some white stuff. They said I had Trachial Bronchitus . . . probably from that darn needle. Very contagious too. They said I should be better in time for my Obedience Training in a couple of weeks (whatever that is). The lady in the white coat everyone calls Doctor said she is now seeing another Catahoula . . . I swear to make every effort on my oath as a loyal member of DWD to convert this poor soul to Dachsieism.

I will report your communicated activities to Agent 00K9 and she will send her communication ASAP.

"The forest is cherry flavored and the poop is firm"!

Agent OU812 - tall and out

[TessieMom]

Psst DWD, there are 3 of us in Texas who have taken the oath and would like to help DWD.
I am Hugger (Tessie) -- the youngest. I am a master of the "LOOK" and hugs which I use to control my human mom. I am small (fit in tight spots like under the bed) and fast -- unrolled half a roll of that paper mom hangs in the bathroom before she caught me!
My oldest sister is Lover (Stinker) who snuggles a lot. She is an expert digger and can shell pecans faster than any doxie... leaving the shells for mom to step on. Ouch!
Bouncer (Lucy) is really wirey. She is BIG and can reach stuff on the kitchen table if it is near the edge. She has a voice that lets you know she is BOSS!

We have some advice on floor dragons: there is a pack of 6 living in our house ... you have to watch out for the long ones that are close to the floor: they are trying to infiltrate DWD by pretending to be dachshunds. However, there long snouts and loud growls give them away. Be very cautious around all of them!

As for the heat (we know about that in Texas), get your parents to give you a baby bathtub for the back yard, then you can swim and cool off... The Hugger, out.

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Minimuscle reporting in. It is 22:57:00 hrs pacific time. Much has happened here at the home place. Yesterday the Nefarious Diva and her silly side-kick Sadie Mae were taken fishing by the Father.

It seems they were attacked by a gas monster that came out of the weeds at them. Sadie Mae (not the sharpest stick in the yard) got the worst of this. She was temporarily blinded and then ran into Evil Diva ,who thanks to Sadie, now stinks too. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blah.gif

Dad came home and mom chased him out to the porch to take off his coverings. He stunk also. She put the L@@K on him and made him take a shower. Dad had to sleep downstairs with me! Hahahahahaha!

This morning dad had to wash the big ugly stinky sisters with "Skunk Out". Lucky for me I haven't met one of those stink monsters yet. Maybe mom will buy us gasmasks now?

All the new agents be welcomed but warned! If you break faith with our DWD oath, we have eyes all over the world to find you. If you remain true to us, no matter how they torture you for information (doom rooms,nailclippers,dragons,heat waves,snow and thunderstorms and gas monsters to name a few) then you will be rewarded beyond your wildest dachsie dreams once we have made the universe dachsie friendly.

Agent Grub! You may only get this one chance. The council may not be so lenient next time you sell out our cause for food!
Welcome to the fold.

Agent OU812! Medical torture is the WORST! Hang in there my friend! Try and get well before you take on anymore assignments. One more thing-I didn't know Istanbul was so close to where you lived. Wow.

[Tina]

This is Miss P , the secret agent
, codename AWL (thanks to my TEETH) I told my sis that if we want others to take us seriously, we must have proper names. So my sister has codename Quicksilver (instead of Little Princess or Miss LP, how snobbish) and our great idol and mother has codename Big H, she has gained such position that she need not do so much of this paperwork nowadays. I would like to point out to all those doxies that are still not sure what side they are going to choose that there is no need to be a double agent because of food. You can very well keep all our secrets and get (almost) all the food that you want.
Even if you can´t jump and climb like agent Quicksilver there are other means. Try to follow your hoomans when they go out, it is always possible that they would go to supermarket or buy a pizza or a hamburger http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/facelick.gif. When it is done, just wait, till they return to the car and are not watching. Work quietly, using minimal chewing movement. So you can avoid unnecessary noise and can very well eat a quarter of a pizza, three buns or ½lbs of butter before anybody pays attention to you. This can also be done in front of TV, when they are watching their favourite programshttp://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/devil.gif. And whatever happens, don´t look guilty, only slightly surprised, if they should look at youhttp://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/angel.gif. It is easiest to start practising with plastic packages and then continue to cardboard, foil and paper packages in this order. Paper is easiest to handle if you soak it first by licking it generously. I am still working on the problem of tins and I will keep you informed when the solution is ready. Remember that you eat the contents, not the cover, otherwise you will be fed all kind of nasty stuff and be transported to the House of Silver Tables and Sharp Needles for torturehttp://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sick.gif
For the same reason it is wise to eat chocolate only in very small amounts. Wish you success in practising this skill. Agent Awl quitting out.

[Mark]

Pssst - 00K9 reporting back from Istanbul,

Things were quiet in Istanbul (the backyard) with only a few of the Squirrel creatures to run up the trees (I'll get one yet!).

OU812 is feeling much better today, but our daddy is really sick and been up most the night. Boy, men are such grouches when they don't feel well!! So my communication may be limited for a while, but I will monitor everything with my secret Dachsphone, supplied by Central.

Welcome to all new members and be sure you have taken the DWD oath to be administered by a Senior Agent. It does my little heart good to see the information sharing that serves to bring us closer & closer to our goal of a world dominated by Dachshunds!

"The road leads nowhere until the goose is cooked"

I will check in when I can.

00K9 down (low) & out

[Dukey's Mom]

Psssttt....PEST here! Where were all agents this weekend? We almost didn't make it. This was a life and death situation!

Mom took Friday off while dad went to go get fishes.She had every horrible machine at our headquarters! She had 2 floor dragons, and Dukey was really scared, one spit death juice and then sucked it back up!She had all this smelly stuff, and then, I PEST and my fellow agents, Dukey, Maggie, Roger and Sammy were made to stay outside while mom poured death juice all over the kitchen floor and then danced with this long thing. It was scary! Dukey and Sammy kept staring in the slider door. I made them go chase the chipmonks. Can't have agents looking pitiful!

Well, we made it through and then dad came home. We tried telling him that we think mom had it in for us! I don't think he got it!

Anyway, back to DWD! Welcome new recruits!
Long Live Dachsie Power and DWD

The cat bays at the moon

PEST...low and out

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter here. Welcome all new agents. I think Agent PB4Ugo has mastered the L@@K. I have been practicing myself. You can never be too good you know!

I agree with 00K9 demands...especially no butt squeezing! I also demand new toys eveyday.

I had a very close call this weekend. I think someone must have put a hit on me or something. Do you think it was one of our own?? I was walking in my yard when a bird swooped down and tried to hit me in the head! He did this 3 times before I could run to safety of my house. Hey!! It was a big bird ok?!

I have to go now. Agents unite and watch out for those birds!

Out

[Dukey's Mom]

Agent OOK9...PEST here...good call on demands# 4,7 and 8. Agent Dukey and the rest all like your demands.

We think one of mom's fosters is a spy! We are checking out the situation now. She is getting a little too cozy with mom, ans Sammy has seen her trying to overhear our DWD plans.

Will report back later when we can determine level of spyness.

"The pee hits the floor"

PEST way out

[Mickamack]

The Intimidator here...

When we achieve our world domination, I think we need to have one additional rule...We are NEVER at fault! It's always the hoomans fault!

For example, if I get my prized soccer ball stuck under the china closet, it is not my fault, it is the hoomans...they shouldn't have gotten a china cabinet that sucked my ball underneath it.

Another example, if Mommy won't give me all her treats, it's HER fault...she can be so mean sometime. But if she does give in to my intimidating L@@K, and I get sick, then it's HER fault again...she should have known better!

See how this works??? This rule can be applied to almost any situation at any time, to completely admonish us in any wrong doing! Dachshunds Unite!

Mickey (the Intimidator)

[Dukey's Mom]

Agent Intimidator, welcome, we like your way of thinking. I PEST have always known it is always the hoomans fault.

Like when I chewed on moms very expensive dresser...it was there, what was I supposed to do. To think I got yelled at humph!!!!

DWD...coming soon to a hooman near you!

PEST low and out

[Tanya]

Intimidator, great thinking. Hoomans are to blame for everything. It was probably a hooman that sent that mean ol' bird after me.

Cujo is still staying in the house and is even getting belly rubs! My mom says his tear duct ain't workin no more and thinks HE needs special attention. I'M THE DACHSIE HERE!! At least the 2 foot tall hooman appears to be under my total domination. She gave me T-bone steak last night. I wonder if she is just a tall dachshund???

I'll report later with my Cujo and bird situation. Can birds carry off a dachsie? I think we need a troop of Minute Dachsies to be ready in an instant if we need immediate assistance. What do you think Pest, 00K9, Stinky??

Over and done.

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Tanya (edited June 19, 2000).]</font>

[Mandy]

This is Giggle Monster. Snuggle Butt finally decided that I am not a traitor, so I get to use the 'puter now.

Snuggle tried feeding our toy elephant to make it grow, but it wouldn't eat anything. Maybe it just didn't like Snuggle Butt's diet food!

We have a better plan though...some friends of Mommy and Daddy adopted a new puppy from the SPCA last week. He is 7 weeks old and we got to play with him yesterday. He is mainly Golden Retriever but is part something else like Beagle maybe? He is still little and so even I am bigger than he is now. WE will get him under our spell so that when he gets big he will still be on our side. Except he likes to nip my bum and I don't like that. Henry said it's fair because I used to do that to him all of the time! That is Different!

We got a hot dog! We didn't even have to steal it! Mommy broke it up un pieces and let us practice sitting and rolling over and stuff to get the yummy bites. This must be some new trick.

Also, we are learning German to help the cause. The parents got an interactive computer program and we sneak in to practice when they aren't looking. WE are getting good. We know the German words for good stuff like cookies and such.

The mommy is coming. Must leave before discovered...

Giggle Monster (Jakey)

This message will self destruct in three seconds

eins, zwei, drei.......******poof*****

[Dolly's Mom]

Of course we dachsies are ALWAYS right and NEVER to blame when sumpin BAAAAAD happens like when suddenly there is confetti kleenex in the hallway or wet spots on the rug....must've rained inside...or the scratch marks on the front door....NOT ME!!!! Hypnotist, you must hold a super secret meeting at the hideout and show us your hypnotizing methods. I'm sure our other agents out there will agree that the methods employed by Hypnotist can be MOST effective for DWD. And of course, he IS my honey bunny so he MUST be good. This weekend The Grub and I practiced our capture, kill and devour skills by snuffling for treats in our snuffle sheet. Little do the hoomans know that they are sharpening our attack skills for the big TAKE OVER when they put treats in a sheet for us to snuffle out. Dolly...er....The Grub sounds like a snortin' pig rootin' for truffles. Not the most subtle agent, our Grub. Well, all is calm for the moment and the pig is in the poke.

Squeek long and out.

[weenie]

Psst.....It's me Agent Wilhelm.....we have to change my name so mommy doesn't know what we are talking about. My new code name will be "Flytrap".

Last week, I caught a fly buzzin around and thought it was a flying crumb. I jumped and snapped the thing up.....it felt very tickly and itchy in my mouth so......phooh, I spit it out. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw mommy coming to grab my tasty morsel with her paper towel. Well....the tongue http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/tongue.gif is quicker than the hand and I gobbled it out of sight with a big *gulp* http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/facelick.gif.....whew.....mission accomplished

Flytrap over and out http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/cool.gif

[Krista]

Hypnotist here. I am still sharpening the skills and have managed to fend off the nail clippers for now. I am planning a bonfire to rid ohio of those evils, but we need someone without fur to light the match.

I'd be willing to teach as much of my skills to others as possible without detection. pssst PEST what do you think?


in the meanwhile, practice letting your ears flap a little like near a fan or a/c vent. that distracts their concious mind so you can stare deeply into their subconcious mind and put them in a trance.

two ducks walk away from water in a parking lot. over.

[WOTANSMUTTI]

<FONT COLOR="Red">AGENTS UNITE</FONT c>

Minimuscle reporting at 18:21 hours Pacific Time.
Floor dragons that spite POISON? Geez, what will those crazy hooomans invent next to keep us down?

Another dragon to be wary of is a big, noisy grass damaging one. It completely ruined my beautiful front lawn! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/angryfire.gif I barked and rushed around trying to tell the Father this was the ENEMY but he was under it's spell and couldn't stop dancing with it. Now for the clincher: This beast has no tail! It spits out smokey smellies like the roll away machines mommies and daddies get in when they desert me. Ah-humm.

Agent Giggle Monster! Wir haben lange Ohren! I repeat: Wir haben lange Ohren!

<FONT COLOR="Red">UPDATE ON STINKY DOUBLE AGENTS: DIVA AND SILLY MAE (AKA SADIE MAE)</FONT c>
The big nasty girls are not allowed near the door or on the new deck. Hahahahaha-I, in my infinate smallness can zip back and forth under the wooden railing challenging them with dachsie attacks on their feet and heads. They are much perplexed!


So, until next time: The cooked goose is yummy. Don't cook the goose... http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/cool.gif

[Dukey's Mom]

Agent Hypnotist..yes, I think we could use your skills, very badly... Ageny Minimuscle, our dad has the same lawn dragon....Gasp..how do we stop them???

PEST has discoverd a covert action in the house! Repeat, PEST has discovered a covert action in the house! Double Gasp!! I will comminicate later.

PEST Out and over

[Mandy]

Agents Snuggle Butt and Giggle Monster here....

Plans to get Mommy and Daddy under our spells are working...they are so willing to help us, too! They installed a big jingle bell by the front door for us to ring to go pottie. But THEY ring the bell for us! What could be easier?

We have a poison spitting floor dragon here too. We use to have a baby poison dragon, but Mommy fought to get the Mommy poison floor monster. So, now there is an entire family of floor dragons living in the cave in the kitchen.....BE CAREFUL!

We have to get our beauty sleep because some strange man is coming tom. to look at the a/c. We have to bark a lot and defend our home....

Let the L@@K be with you!

Agents Snuggle Butt and Giggle Monster out....

[TessieMom]

Agent Hugger reporting in (Lover is already in bed and Bouncer is trying to chew her way to China). We have 2 of those spitting floor dragons too... plus two of the lawn dragons (one with a tail)... but the one I really am concerned about is the floor dragon with the flashing red and green eyes.... beware.

Can anyone make the giant sprinkler in the sky stop? I am tired of wet feet and Mommy gets upset when I leave small dachshund presents in the floor to let her know that I don't like the wet, the noise, and light shows... my sisters don't help. Will have to find one of those dachsie umbrellas. Hugger off to give hugs and kisses and get out of trouble again...

[Mark]

Yo! 00K9 here-

Things have been quite here . . . just a little bit TOO quiet. OU812 is feeling much better now. Daddy give him these 3 little round things PLUS a big oblong thing by shoving it in his throat and holding his mouth shut. He valiantly resists this hooman torture by holding his breath until daddy thinks it's gone then HA! He spits them out. Well it didn't take long for daddy to get wise and hold his mouth shut way too long for OU812 to hold his breath. So, yes, it's clear to us the hoomans will even stoop to using drug tactics in a feeble attempt to stifle the DWD movement.

Daddy's still not so well and we even try to help by talking (barking) a lot and making him get up to see what's going on. Humph, he doesn't seem to appreciate our efforts one bit. Go figure! There's just no pleasing these hoomans! Things will be different when we execute our final takeover.

Tall hoomans come over every week with LAWN DRAGONS . . . and they are so big that the hoomans actually ride on their backs. It scares us, but we hold our ground and bark ferociously. Eventually they get the message and get back in the wagon they came in and go away. We always win!

Good work to all Agents on your exploits of daring and courage. It makes me proud to be a Dachshund! sniff-sniff

Gotta go now and help daddy feel better some more. I will check in again when I can. Just remember . . .

"East is east . . . and west is west, but ice cream has no bones"

00K9

PS - OU812 & I have been working on DB to convert her to our cause. Please send Dachsie rays to support our efforts.

END TRANSMISSION

[Dukey's Mom]

Psstt....PEST here.

Had a close one. Covert operation has been foiled. It seems one of moms fosters, Patches, AKA, Big Mouth, tried to bust in on one of our Fremont DWD meetings. We were just discussing the fact that we weren't getting alot of the yummies that daddy had on the grilly thing that spits fire. We were coming up with a plan to get daddy's attention away from his plate and Patches started barking trying to tell mom. Then I PEST jumped on Patches, er Big Mouth, and got her to be quiet. Mom wasn't any the wiser. Gotta watch even your own kind, and she calls herself a Dacshund...humph! I though she was kinda funny looking!

OOK9, glad the big spotted guy is feeling better, never know when he'll come in handy!

Agents Snuggle Butt and Giggle Monster, good work with the look, keep it up.
Hmm, Bouncer is digging to China...do we have an agent there......

"The cow is milked, The cow is milked"

PEST out and under

[Dukey's Mom]

Sorry forgot an "h" in Dachshund


PEST...head hung in shame


Out

[wireweiners]

Agent Backhoe heah, reportin' in from the South. Ah been tryin' to report foah 2 days now but the 'puter's been actin' weird. Must be all the stormy weatha we been havin'. Last Friday, Ah rescued mah lady love, Mata Hari, from an evil serpent that invaded our yahd. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/devil.gif Mata Hari was barking the alarm. Ah rushed to her aid and discovered a huge snake. Ah immediately chomped it in mah poahful dachsie jaws. Two shakes and that snake was toast! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif I then rolled on it to show mah disdain, then decided to take it away and eat it. You should have heard Mom squeal when she saw me trottin' across the yard with a foot of snake dangling out of each corner of mah mouf. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/eek.gif She spoiled my fun by telling me to LEAVE IT!!! and pickin' up the snake with a shovel and pitchin' it ovah the fence. What a waste of a perfectly good snake.

Theah was a dog show in our town this weekend so we had our dachsie friends from Dallas, the Hurricane Hounds, come stay at our house. Countin' us, theah were 14 dachsies. We did some recruitin for DWD. The hoomans got annoyed when we all started singin' the DWD anthem at 2:00 am. Mom sent Wheeler to Dallas with Aunt Judy and Uncle Mack so Ah have Mata Hari all to myself. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/love.gif If'n Ah could just remember why Ah should get excited. That surgery must of affected mah brain.

Ah'll have to tell y'all about dog shows some time. They are a silly game that hoomans play with us dogs.

Agent Speckled Pup sends Catahoula rays to Ou812 and hopes he feels betta soon. We send some dachsie rays also. Agent Backhoe out.

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by wireweiners (edited June 20, 2000).]</font>

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Minimuscle reporting for duty.

All things quiet on the western front.No wind or rain. I can indulge in some R&R, laying in the sun on the front porch. Mom is feeling "undertheweather" today. Aren't we all always under some weather or other? Besides, don't hoomans control the wet,dry,light and dark? Soon this will be our domain. Hahahahaha! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/silly.gif

Dragons to RIDE on???? How utterly horrible! They could chop up a spy in a second. I have found a way to sabotage the grass-dragons. Bury your bones halfway in tall grass, and when the monster runs over them it chokes and coughs. This sometime brings bad words coming from the riders or daddies under it's total control. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blah.gif
<FONT COLOR="Red">Agent Backhoe:</FONT c>
You are surely brave to accost a serpent in such a way. Too bad mommies don't understand we like to eat what we kill. Waste not want not, I always say. I don't think their little operation on you affected your brain. The affect was at the other end-pssst, this is Top Secret Information. The Hoomans would never admit to this in a ka-zillion years in dog years.

<FONT COLOR="Red">Agent 00K9</FONT c>: Glad to here our big spotted agent is on the rebound.Your hoomans are prob. giving him truth drugs to make him devulge our DWD plans. His breed can take a lot of punishment-but it is up to you to come to his aide by distraction. Eat your daddy's shoes and look innocent.
<FONT COLOR="Red">Agent Hugger:</FONT c>Make tinkel on the dragon lair door. Mommy will think this is cute if you don't look guilty and only do it once or twice. If all fails, blame it on the younger agents.
<FONT COLOR="Red">Agent Weenie:</FONT c>Be aware that eating flies is nothing to crow about. I suggest you immediately enroll in the next class on dachsie hunting and stalking methods. This will help you recognize suitable dachsie prey...

Over and out and all about:
Agent Minimuscle

[TessieMom]

Psst... Agent Bouncer reporting in. Tried to bury my chewie in the dog bed... thought I actually made it to China, but only ripped all the stuffing out of the bed. Mommy was upset and stuffed it back in and sewed it up -- meanwhile Hugger got the chewie by looking so innocent. Agent Lover is on back door duty -- keeping squirrels from approaching the dog door. I am most impressed with the snake idea, maybe we can find one to give to our Mommy tomorrow. Agent Bouncer up and out!

[Mark]

Special Agent 00K9 here . . .

Agent Backhoe:
I defer to the courage you showed in your dispatching of the evil serpent. Certainly Mata Hari is lucky to have a southern gentleman, like yourself as her "Sir Gallahad". And I applaud your recruiting accomplishments and the bravery it took to lead in the DWD anthem publicly. Be cautious that the hoomans don't catch on to our plans prior to D-Day. In the midwest we are ready to pounce at the appointed hour. OU812 is much, much better and thanks you & Agent Speckled Pup for your rays . . . I am certain they assisted greatly in his recovery.

Agent Minimuscle:
Yes - our research shows that the hoomans indeed must be responsible and in control of all weather events. I can't wait to dump rain & snow on "their" heads when we take over. Let's see how they like going potty outside in "that" kind of weather. Ha, Ha, Haaaaaaa!

Agent Bouncer:
Nice try on reaching China while burying your bone. I'm sure you were real close! It sounds like your Special Forces group is functioning like a well oiled Dachsie! Good job!

The hooman we call daddy wanted me to go out this morning and I took one look at the wet deck & rain . . . and tried to go back to bed. Then - HE JUST PICKS ME UP AND PUTS ME OUTSIDE! Since I knew he wouldn't let me back in till I did my business I finally succumbed and did so. I feel so violated, but wait till we take over and I'M the one doing that to him.

Good news to all Agents:
OU812 & myself have been successful in the conversion of Duck Butter. She has sworn the DWD oath and assumed the code name of Senior Special Agent IMDB. She is the Master of combining an awesome L@@K with mouth and lip expressions such as pouty, curly-lip, disgust and smiling. In addition,when called for, she follows with a really disgusted "snuff". I believe she will be a tremendous asset to our movement and am convinced of her sincerity. It will also enhance the efforts of OU812 and I . . . having our Top Dog on our side.

"The tree leaves at midnight"

00K9 mostly Out

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter here checking in with all the agents.

Good work 00K9 and ou812 on your conversion of Agent IMDB. We need someone like her in the DWD.

I have seen the lawn dragon and it does not look good. My daddy rides on his back while I bark him into submission. Eventually we conquer the dragon and he goes away. This is the only time I side with hoomans. After all, it is a very big dragon and my daddy is bigger than me.

What is all this rain you agents are talking about. We are having mandatory water restrictions here. I am very concerned my doggie bowl will have no water. Be stand ready in case I need a drink!

Agent Backhoe, how very brave you are for fighting that big snake.! Can you believe hoomans throw away perfectly good eatin' meat? I never saw a snake, but if I do I'll be sure to call on you ASAP!

Did we find any agents in China? We need to cover the world if we are to succeed!

Remember - stand together under the leadership of our beloved Pest and 00K9.

End transmission

Psst...The Hungary Turkey is in the Greece!!

[Krista]

Hypnotist reporting:


Have you all been practicing gentle ear waving? Are you ready for the next step to brainwash the humans?

Here goes, now pay attention. After a time of gentle ear flapping -may be accompanyied by back or belly rubs- the human will start to get a silly glazed look in their eyes. (just like we do after stealing and stuffing ourselves with "human" food.) Now is the time to start staring into their eyes with the L@@K -make sure they continue petting you. Practice that step! next lesson coming soon.

the mentally insane are across the street. over.

[Dolly's Mom]

Squeek under and in.

I smell trouble here in our parts. Mommy has caught me licking my back foot for 2 days. Now she thinks I need to go to the V E T! Oh, don't you fret, fellow agents for I shall fight to keep those evil scientists from sticking that thingy up my hiney. But I am a bit worried about the owie needle that they may SAY is necessary to get the owie out of my feety. I KNOW this is a coverup and that they really plan on filling that nasty needle with fast acting truth serum. What I need here is a antidote to make their efforts null and void. I plead with my fellow agents for a remedy to the truth needle! And then to make matters worse, while I'm there, they plan to EXAMINE me as to fitness for an airplane ride I'm taking next month. I will take the usual precautions and swallow all DWD documets that I have on my dogness at the time of this tactless tactic to make me bark our lofty plan for total takeover. I am so proud to be associated with the brave and the true, the noble and the great. Glad our underdawedder agents are feeling fit and frisky again. Special doxie rays to those who need them. Hypnotist, I took discreet notes on your first lesson and then, as usual, doused them in my water bowl to reveal our secret code. It would mean DOOM if those notes were to get into the wrong paws. And now I will go into deep meditation and contemplate my tail. "The plot sickens and the world churns."
Squeek out and about

[dutchman]

HELP HELP!

I've been laying low. Am I in trouble Dad's talking about getting something they call a chip implanted in me so that I can be tracked if I sneak away. Dad claims it's small and I won't even know it's there but I don't like that implant idea. Of course wouldn't you know they implant it between the shoulders just where you wouldn't have a chance of getting to it to chew it out. What can I do what if it's a bug they can listen to our plans with?

This morning I went ahead and practiced up on my escape techniques. I got out of the kennel and enjoyed the big chair most of the morning while dad was at work. Anyone know how to get a kennel door closed so dad won't know when I've been out?

Trying to stay cool in Colorado,

Frank

[Mark]

00K9 reporting in . . .

Agent Bootscooter:
Good job with the Lawn Dragon . . . we must always remember that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" (even if it has to be a hooman). Not only can we, as you did, achieve the immediate goal of getting rid of danger, but also it lures the hoomans in to a false sense of security. And yes, Chinese DWD Agents are a must. How far is China? Can we walk there?

Agent Hypnotist:
Thank you for imparting your vast expertise by beginning our DWD mind control L@@K training. I look forward to your next installment and keep up the good work. Dedication to the DWD like yours brings a tear to my eyes.

Agent Squeek:
Agent IMDB tells me there is only one defense against the truth serum they use in the Room of Doom . . . first look real pitiful (to get their attention), then while they are unaware of what your doing afix a subtle (to start with) L@@K on all hoomans in the room. Slowly increase the intensity until you are at Maximum L@@K. At that point their eyes will be spinning in opposite directions. They may still give you the serum, BUT they won't remember what they wanted to find out. Good work on dispatching our secret documents. I hope you left room in case you score some yummies tonight.

Agent Frank:
Just like those hoomans to plant a bug. No not that kind of bug! It's probably a state of the art listening device to track your activities AND to listen in on our communications. Please try to distract them prior to the implantation and disable it. If unsuccessful there we can still use it to our advantage by feeding them mis-information. Sorry, we can't help you on the kennel door . . . a question that has plagued us all at one time or another.

Agent IMDB is already hard at work for the DWD. She subjected our hoomans to her curly-lipped L@@K during lunch and scored us all a treat. "Resistance is futile".

"The early bird get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"

00K9, In or Out

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter reporting in:

Agent Hypnotist, I have practiced the gentle ear flapping and the look but have added my own special touch which I find particularly helpful. I find if I stick my tongue out just a little bit, my hoomans turn to mush. I hope you don't mind my little addition. Try it and tell me what you think.

Agent Squeek - I'm sorry you are going to visit the VET. Try with all your might to fight the truth serum and keep our secrets confidential. I agree with 00K9 in that if you look especially cute, the hoomans will not remember anything you might say. Be strong Agent Sqeek...we are with you.

Agent Frank, we must find a code name for you to keep your identity secret. If you have a code name...please relate because i have forgotten it. The microchip is probably a way to track your every move so the hoomans can find the DWD headquarters. This may be helpful to us. Not only can we send false information, but can also send them on wild goose chases. HAAA Haaaaa!!! Our plan is working perfectly!

Stand together dachsies. DWD is close at hand!

Where is Pest? She hasn't jumped ship has she??

[Tanya]

BYW, Agent Bouncer.Since you almost reached China, I think you should be in charge of letting us know if we can walk there. How far is it and are there any Agents we can recruit. Can you accept this mission?

Agent Bootscooter out.

[TessieMom]

Agent Bouncer here, am working on a good L@@K for supper, but will try to research the mission. Mommy has a little basket with miniature wire dachshund figures in it... says it comes from China, so there must be potential agents there. Will see if I can steal Mommy's GPS from school (does anyone know the GPS co-ordinates?)... there are some Chinese grad students there who really think I am cute... will interrogate them asap. Had a busy day chasing some guys who were trying to run wires on poles and laying traps for the lawn dragon monster. Bouncer up and down and out.

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Minimuscle here. Message rec'd and will pass on-<FONT COLOR="Yellow">"Booda is down"</FONT c> This code came in <FONT COLOR="Yellow">YELLOW</FONT c> so it must be of some importance! Help me, Agents! I don't know how to proceed. This may be a false lead from the Stinky Sisters or a real transmission.

I am very busy tonite. There is an important toy hidden under the couch. I cannot reach it- mom tries, but I nip her fingers. Hahahah! Now I will give her the L@@K and cry! Poor Hoomans, they never know what hits 'em.

Agents! It looks like we'll have to move to another secret base soon. This one may be infiltrated by the evil ones (besides, it's getting full).

Dad is starting to get edgy with my high pitched assault on his ears. It is most pitiful. I don't think he can stand much more...

WE MUST INVESTIGATE SONIC PITIFUL PITCHES ON THE HOOMAN EAR. This may be the weapon the DWD needs to bring them down!

Minimuscle Out.

When one cow lifts her tail-all cows lift their tails.

[Dukey's Mom]

Psstttt...PEST here

Hi to all agents. Mom was sick and I couldn't find the button to turn the communicator on!

Agent OOK9..excellent work with new Agent IMBD, we can use all the help we can get!

Agent Squeek..be very careful at the vets! We have an antidote for truth serum if needed. Don't let them put you under!

Agent Frank..we will need to be very careful with this so called "chip" If you are beeping after they put it in...we may have a problem!

Agent Bootscooter! I was undercover, er covers

Agent Minimuscle..Any luck with the "toy" or was it really our new form of a transmitor? The bone shaped one??

The crow barks at the moon

PEST low and out

[Mickamack]

The Intimidator here...I have been training feverishly for DWD. For a mission as important as this, I wanted to be in tip top shape. Yesterday, Mommy was home with me. She was cleaning and brought out our floor dragon. Whew! Did I show him who's boss!! http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/angry.gif I chased him all over the house. I was biting him and barking at him. Even though he sometimes lunged at me, I stood my ground undaunted. I had that bad old floor dragon so upset, Mommy had to put it back in it's cave.

Agent Minimuscle, I know you will appreciate this one...this morning, Mommy took me for a walk. Being that I'm always alert and on guard, I noticed that at our neighbor's house, some of the geese were outside their penned area. Boy! I ran right up to them. They were sqalking all over the place and flapping their wings and running away...scaredy cats...oops, geese I mean! The only bad thing was that Mommy dragged me away before I could roll in or eat some of the goose poop, and I didn't even get to sample what goose meat tastes like...it would have only been a little taste...you know, chomp! She ruined all my fun!

Agent Bootscooter, I use the sticking my tounge out trick too. It works every time! All I do is just stick my tounge out, just a little...just the very tip of my tounge. I do this in addition to the L@@K, when I'm really desperate. Mommy and Daddy just can't resist that one! Hey, I'm not ashamed to admit it...I will do whatever it takes to get the hoomans to bend to MY will.

The Intimidator over and out!

[Mark]

Agent (cough-cough) 00K9 here,

Well I thought I was out of danger, but I have contracted OU812's Tracial Bronchitus. I reminded mama that the lady in the white coat said, "just call & pick up the medicine" if we catch it too. Whew, I was afraid for a minute they would take me to the Room of Doom.

Agent Bootscooter and Agent Intimidator:
Great job combining the tongue with the L@@K. I have seen Agent IMDB use that method when her "lip" thing/L@@K fails to work. Resistance is futile and they will be putty in our paws.

ALL AGENTS:
We need more information on this China place. In fact, active recruitment efforts MUST be our priority for China, Europe, Africa, Australia and South America. Once those areas are infiltrated we will expand to Central America, Middle East, North Pole (what's a DWD domination without Santa?) and the South Pole. Let us know if you have any contacts in any of these areas.

Agent Bouncer:
Keep us posted on your interrogation of the students. Keep up the good work!

Agent Intimidator:
Great job with the Floor Dragon! If the hoomans try to resist outr takeover . . . that's exactly the kind of moxie we'll need from everyone in DWD.

Agent Minimuscle:
Since it is your discovery . . . will you volunteer to test sonic pitches and how they affect hoomans? Good heads up on uncovering this weakness. Once we have your findings we can add that to our other strategies and take advantage of ALL their weaknesses. And the hiding stuff where they can't reach is awesome.

We "can" move the Communication Center again, however . . . it is important that we don't lose the information here. Our first Com Center information is almost gone and needs to be refreshed and coded for any new Agents so they are up to speed on all the devious things we have planned for the hoomans.

Agent Pest:
Can you start a new Com Center and refresh the old ones so they are sequencial and coded? Please mark the new one DWD Members Only so that the hoomans can't break into our code. If you can't get enough communication time because your sick Mom (my daddy hopes she feels better . . . hmmmm, how did he know she was sick?) let me know and I will gladly fill in for your Chief Communications Commander duties.

00K9 - End Transmission

"Sleeping dogs do not lie"

[Dolly's Mom]

Agent Squeek here! I have prevailed http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/bounce.gif
The trip to the room of doom has proved futile to the hoomans in extracting vital information from this wee agent. Oh, they tried to break me, but FAILED MISERABLY...Hahahahahahah! I really stared them down gave them the death L@@K when the vet lady stuck that truth extractor up my rumpus. Well, I am happy to report that it all came back NORMAL....whatever that means. I will soon be flying the friendly skys to meet and do a major conversion to DWD at a secret meeting of doxies in Washington state. Also, the feety thing is ok too. Seems that I inadvertantly stepped on one of the Grub's nylabones that was sharp and tore my pad a bit. The lady vet did give me some antybionics to help fight defection. See??? Little do the hoomans know, they are fighting our cause by giving me anti-defect (from DWD) pills. And a bonus.....the hooman mommy feeds me my pill disguised as a porkrind! YUM!!! Everything is A-O-K here. Sending healing rays to you infected with the broncial thing. YIKES! here comes mommy!!
Squeek here and gone!!!

[Mark]

ATTN: All Special Agents:

This DWD Communications center has been infiltrated by the hoomans. Report to new Com Link "DWD Member Only". It is safe there with our new 900,000,000 SuperGigaTeraByte Encryption.

00K9

[Tanya]

Agent Bootscooter reporting in:

00K9 - take care of the brochial thingy you have. We can't afford to lose one Agent...especially one of the founders of the DWD.

I was glad to hear Agent Intimidator and IMDB that you have tried the L@@K / tongue combo. I think we should all try it at least once. No hooman can resist.

Agent Squeek, I am proud that you held strong and did not rat us out esp.when they put the truth serum in your rumpus...OUCH! What a brave agent you are. You are to be commended for your strength under such a hostile situation. In the end, you should receive a medal.

Where is Agent PB4UGO? I received a picture of him in disguise (cowboy hat) and feel he would make a great Agent to work undercover. I hardly recognized him at all. He is obviously a master of disguise and should be praised. Bravo Agent PB4UGO. He also has muscle. I've seen him wrestle dogs much bigger than he is.

Once again my mommy embarrassed me. I was trying to get my duster cause she was dragging it around making me chase after it. I pounced on it and hurt my toenail! It somehow got stuck in one of my nails. So naturally she got those evil clippers out and cut my nails! We must destroy these things. You never know when we might need our nail for self defense. This is their way of weaking our cause.

Stand firm Agents! Hide your toenails and your butts! For some reason, these are the areas hoomans target!

Don't ever trust the needle...it lies!

Bootscooter - over and done

[Mark]

Attention DWD Agents:

This was the second DWD communications center. To get up to speed . . . first read the thread called "Dottie's Mission Impossible", continue to this one and then go to the 3rd one called "DWD Members Only".

00K9 - out & about