Dottie's Mission Impossible

[Dukey's Mom]

Please hum the theme of Mission Impossible while reading this post.


Dukey...she's gone...Sammy, come over and help...Roger, get Maggie...should we let the fosters in on it......Ya ok....ok, Dukey...give me a boost...I can't your too heavy...I'm only 10 pounds Dottie!....ok, Roger, come boost me up...Maggie, climb up....stop stepping on my head! Dottie, move your big fat head! Ok, Dukey your next, climb up....No way...I'm scared. C'mon Dukey...ok...I'm on..C'mon Sammy!...Ya, just cause I'm the littliest! Fine...hey, thats my head munchkin! Sorry Rog, it was in the way....almost there, almost...I got it!!!!!!

Ah, Dottie? Ya Dukey. Ah, wouldn't it have just been easier to have waited for mom to get home to get the Beggin Strips off the counter?

Ah...I guess I didn't think of that...sorry....


This post will self destruct in 10 seconds!

[Tanya]

Funny! /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif I came home one day to find Punkin on the table! I bet they do have conversations like that while we are away. They plan and scheme. Except for my Josie /ubb/smilies/angel.gif who would never do anything like that! (dog in a dachshund suit /ubb/smilies/smile.gif )

[weenie]

Hey Andrea!

You should get one of those "nanny cams".....I'll bet you would have a lot of fun seeing what they do while you are gone. Then again.....maybe you don't want to know /ubb/smilies/dizzy.gif

-Kris /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Dolly's Mom]

And so goes life in a house full of doxies!!!
/ubb/smilies/thinker.gif: Too too funny!!!


Sandi


PS....hey you guys and gals, don't give my girls any idears. They don't need any encouragement to be naughty!

[Mark]

0600 Zulu time
5 Feb 2000
Place: home
Mission: mischief

Agent Masse here . . .

It was a quiet night and everyone was in bed asleep . . . this would be a dangerous mission, but I chose to accept it because danger is my middle name.

Stealthely I creep out of the folds of the quilt I am forced to share with Duck Butter. She's a good egg, but leads a rather boring & obedient life. I gotta be careful not to wake her though, I suspect her of being a double agent . . . if only I could prove it maybe she would be reassigned to another agency.

OK, I'm out now . . . yeah that's it - stay on the carpet. If I go through the bathroom that clicking noise that follows me on hard floors will give me away.

Slowly I cover the distance to the living room, eyes darting left and then right . . . no one is on to me yet.

There it is . . . the ottoman has been pushed closer to the living room table than normal. I took note of the careless act prior to going to bed and pretending to sleep. It is the law at our place that I am not allowed to jump, though . . . a quick look around in the darkened room tells me that I am alone. I go for it! One jump, just like the old days, and I'm up.

Easily I stride onto the table . . . what if one of my humans come in? I know, I make a face like a Knick-Knack . . . if I'm seen they'll think I'm a trinket of some kind.

There's that bowl . . . the one Mama keeps going into for something to eat. Mmmmmmm, yum . . . these are good once you get past the foil wrappers. I eat 3 . . 4 . . 6 . . 7. Hey what's that noise? Oh no it's Daddy, I must have made too much noise - quick ! act like a knick-knack. Darn, it didn't work . . . busted! Why is he talking so loud? Why did he get Mama outta bed? Now he's using the phone . . . what is going on?

Musta been good news at the end of the call . . . Daddy's been calm since he stopped talking on the phone. Hmmmm he moved that bowl to the really high counter in the kitchen. Darn, now I'll have to think of some other way-y-y . . . hey, what about that new big guy, Top Spin. Naw, he'd never go for it.

Oh well . . . Daddy & Mama told me very sternly, "NO!" about the stuff in that bowl . . . but I'll keep my eyes open and maybe this won't be my last mission.

Signed, Agent double-O k9 Masse

The above is the true story of how Masse got into a bowl of Hershey Kisses. The Vet gave us the formula to determine if she had eaten enough chocolate to poison her . . . she hadn't. None of the names have been changed and there were no innocents!

/ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Boonech]

He Kris - Your Nannie Cam idea.... I actually tried it once when Annie went through her little destructive phase where she would shred and pee all her bedding while we were gone.

We strategically set up the camcorder to catch her in action...All we got was 2 hours live footage of her sleeping!

How did she know? /ubb/smilies/confused.gif

[Tanya]

Oh Mark. That's scary! I got up one morning to find Punkin sitting in her favorite chair chewing on a pack of Sudafed Sinus tablets. I left my purse on the floor and failed to zip it up completely. She wedged her very long nose in and opened it right up. There she found the meds. Luckily, she only crushed the tablets and none came out of the packaging. Sneaky weiners!

[pluto'slanie]

Mark, Your description was hilarious. /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif Glad that all turned out well and that you little /ubb/smilies/angel.gif didn't get sick.

[Mark]

Agent Masse calling Agents Dukey, Dottie, Sammy & Maggie come in please . . .

Agent Masse calling Agents Dukey, Dottie, Sammy & Maggie come in please . . .

You seem like a pretty devious (cool) Agents . . . what say we team up in our own IMF (Impossible Mission Force)? Just think of all the no-no's we could get into working together . . . Hmmm? What do ya say? Working together stuff like Hershey Kisses & Beggin' Strips are only the "tip" of the Iceberg. Let me know, but be sure to use "the code" . . . I think our humans have this board "tapped". /ubb/smilies/silly.gif

Agent double-O k9 Masse

[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 02, 2000).]

[Dukey's Mom]

Sshhhh...do you want my mom to hear? We been real busy this weekend. I, Dottie the Terrible...code name...pest, have single handedly...alright, Dukey, Sammy, Maggie and goodie two shoes Roger MAY have helped, destroyed mom's "don't chew on these things" she's always trying to stick her back paws in there, so we just thought we would make it easier...I don't think she appreciated it, the nerve!

Then mom and dad were using the grill and cooking some yummy smelling stuff on there. We all sat around the outside table waiting, and waiting...nothin'..we looked as cute as we possible could, and with us, thats pretty easy!

So, anyway, we get this measley little taste. I was insulted, Maggie wasn't happy either and Patches and Choppy ( The just visiting girls) kept up the cute act, duh, wicked old!

So, mom went in to get dad a drink and dad, he's so easy,had his back to us, so I Dottie the Terrible, lept up into the chair and then on to the table. Yahoo Yummies!!!!
Just then I hear it! DOTTIE!!!! Get down now!

Another adventure ruined, just like that. I get caught and Dukey, Maggie , Sammy and Roger all have this " I didn't do anything" look on.

It's tough being the brains of the outfit....or at least the muscle!

Over and out...you can join up with us anytime...just watch out for Dukey. He'll sell you up river for a Beggin Strip in a second!

D.O.T.

Dottie The Terrible Code name PEST

Out

[Mark]

Pssst, Pest . . . are ya there? Oh, OK - I <u>am</u> whispering.

I decoded your last transmission and wow were you guys close to yummies galore (not to be confused with a James Bond movie character). Next time you're all trying to look "cute" try using the secret weapon that we use . . . "the Look". All of you doing it at the same time will make them putty in your paws. Ha, Ha, Haaaa. <<(maniacal laughter)

I've been pretty busy trying to convert the big, spotted guy to our side. A little more brainwashing and just think of all the things we can get with his height on our side . . . hee-hee. So I haven't had any covert adventures lately.

Oops, here comes daddy to use this communication device . . . signing off for now.

Agent double-O k9 Masse

Watch your back . . . over & out.

[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 05, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 05, 2000).]

[Wienergal]

You guys crack me up! /ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[Dukey's Mom]

Hey....D.O.T. here....PEST Another failed mission! Mom and dad went to a grilly thing Saturday nite and left us. They brought home yummies from it, and my mom freezed em up in the big cold thing. Last night mom was getting stuff out of the really cold part...brrrrr...and a couple of little bags fell out,....she didn't see the one that went under the table.
Mom was cooking and I was watching that bag...I made my move and ran over Dukey to get it and I was outside in a flash..ok...maybe a little slower, short legs ya know. Anyway..I was going to my secret spot besides "Dukey's Place" thats our dog sized house and I was just started to enjoy what mom said was pulled pork...how do you pull pork..! So I'm out there and pee wee Sammy and Dukey found me! Gasp! I knew the jig was up because that Sammy was barking cause he wanted some. Mom came out to see what was going on...again, I heard that familiar yell..DOTTIE Drop it now! I hate that!How can I be an agent when my own brothers and sister keep blowing my cover!

D.O.T PEST

Over...but not out!

[Mark]

Psssst! Ahem . . . HEY Pest are you sleeping at the com? Oh, there you are . . . OK, received your last transmission 5 by 5. Huh . . . no, I don't know what that means either, but I hear it on TV sometimes and it sounds kinda cool. Anyway, bummer on the pull Pork, whatever that is. So-o-o-o, your brothers and sisters are Turncoat Dachshunds . . . haven't heard of that kind of Dachsie before.

Maybe we need to use a diversion on some of these missions. I mean, how many times will Central put up with these failures we are both having.

Take last night, for example . . . the big, spotted guy is chewing some kinda huge bone-type thingy . . . hee-hee . . . so I bark while looking out the rear doorwall. Sure enough, protector that he is . . . he goes out back on patrol. Not only do I snatch his thingy, but I also lay on HIS blanky. Success!!!!

Now comes the humiliation . . . he comes back and stands over me like "what do you think your doing young lady" . . . how nervy and boy is he big. Then with no warning or so much as a how-do-ya-do he puts his big ol' nose next to me and flips it so I roll over THREE times. Now I'm not only embarassed, but dizzy too. But wait . . . that's not the whole story yet. Later I'm sitting on the floor by the couch gnawing on my own chewie and minding my own business . . . he comes up from behind and sniffs me butt with that big ol' nose. Now I'm kinda getting used to that, but then he takes his big ol' paw and rolls my back end over to get a better sniff. Then he put it back the way he found it . . . but I was just mortified. Mama & Daddy just laughed which didn't help one single bit!

So . . . bottom line, Agent Pest . . . the diversion worked for a while . . . we need bigger diversions. Any ideas?

Let me know . . . I'm gonna go get a drink of water now, stirred not shaken.

Agent Double-O k9 Masse

[weenie]

PSST...Special agent Kaiser Wilhelm here.....

My last mission was deemed a success.....to get the cat to move out of my spot. I simply backed-in to him as he was sitting. This caused the "fatty" (also known as Lard-Butt) to topple over like a ton of bricks. Then he decided to "beach" himself elsewhere. It was just too easy....

Please contact me of any missions involving cheese-puffs or Fritos....

SP AGENT KAISER WILHELM out......

[Dukey's Mom]

Be very quiet.....PEST here....Mom is starting to get clued in about who is using the computer. Anyway..we do need a new strategy. We are having a meeting tonite to figure out how to get mom and dad to do what we want, more than they do now. We are also going to make a Dachsie pack, because this ratting out stuff has ta stop! If we can keep Sammy from wigglin long enough, we should come up with the plan of all plans.

Will communicate results later. Wish me luck, this could be dangerous!

PEST...OUT

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst..Agent Wilhem...good work with Lard Butt
That could have been very dangerous! We may need you for special assignments.

Will keep you informed.


PEST....out!

[pluto'slanie]

If I keep reading your posts at work I'm going to lose my job. /ubb/smilies/crying.gif This is just the funniest -- the weird thing is I can just picture these 2 secret agents communicating. /ubb/smilies/lol.gif

[Mark]

Welcome aboard SP Agent KW . . . we look forward to hearing more of your many exploits and congratulations on your overthrow of the evil and infamous Lard Butt. I've only heard the rumors of his dastardly crimes, and if I wore a hat - it would be off to you.

Hey . . . Pest! Oops - too loud huh? Ok hows this? Anyway, you can count me in on the pact you are forming and have full authority to cast my vote . . . let me know if anyone doesn't go along with us - I have worldwide connections to take care of any rats in the pack . . . you know - "pack rats". Be sure to use the "Cone of Silence" so you are not overheard by the wrong people.

Keep me posted.

OOk9

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Wotan AKA Minimuscle here!

Just heard the word "rat" and that got my attention!You guys need a dachsie PLAN!

First Pest, get the family involved before you snatch the goods/ubb/smilies/smile.gif .Eat faster. Food missions are impossible because the Hoomans watch what goes on that Ba-Bee-Q. I stole a whole steak b/f mom and dad discovered me. All that tipped them off was my toenails clicking as I thumped off the table to the chair, before I hit the floor.

Remember! Use that special agent L@@K and hypnotize to get others under your spell
/ubb/smilies/dizzy.gif.

This is M.M signing off. Ooops, it's hard to get the ritgh keys when you have fat little frito feeties...

[Dolly's Mom]

Agent SQUEEK at your service. I am a little pip SQUEEK and may be of service in getting into itty bitty places. I only weigh 8 lbs. I'd love to help spy out some yummy goodies.

Your humble b/t servant
SQUEEK

[Mark]

Attention all agents!

00k9 here,

"The Crow has sand in his ears and cannot walk while flying south"

I repeat . . .

"The Crow has sand in his ears and cannot walk while flying south"

Please de-code and you will see immediate action is imperative.

00k9 signing off for now . . . will communicate further when I can do so undetected.

OUT

[Dukey's Mom]

Attention..I mean...shhh...attention all fellow agents...PEST here. Me and my fellow agents at home are happy to have you join us!

Now, your mission, if you choose to accept it is:

Help Dachsies get World Domination!

Now, I , PEST, have assigned duties to my at home agents. I will list them out.

I, PEST. I'll be in charge

Agent Dukey Ground Control.he's closest

Agent Maggie International Agent...she came from Missouiri!

Junior Agent Sammy..Air Travel He kinda flys!

Agent Roger Communications...best barker

I, PEST will handle the lookout for yummy's

Now, we need to fill a few more positions

Interperter - Who knows what the hoomans are saying!

Crumb Patrol- hate to miss anything

Beggin Strip Agent ( Dukey won't join unless we have one)

Ok, please keep in mind, this could be very dangerous! We will all need to put our noses together and think how to handle this.

Any volunteers?

D.O.T. Agent PEST...out

This message will self destruct in ...yawn..after my nap

[weenie]

Special Agent Kaiser Wilhelm reporting for "crumb patrol" -over and out

[Dukey's Mom]

Hey...Ssshh....Agent Wilhelm..Dukey would like to know if you have experience in this area.

PEST...out

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Agent Minimuscle reporting in!
Tried to de-code former message given by Agent ook9! The cows are also trying to fly...

I would like to join DWD (dachsie world domination) as the Pacific Northwest Spy /ubb/smilies/cool.gif I can report on the migration of geese that lay eggs (yum) and root out all the EVIL rodents that want to share the earth with us,only to eat what we covet!

Can I have a red convertable sports car like James Bond? I'd look much better in it because my long beautiful ears would fly handsomely in the wind.... /ubb/smilies/eek3.gif

Oh-oh! Must sign off now! The meat's almost done on the cooker thingy. Time to do that thing I do sooooo welll- L@@K

Over and Out: M.M.

[Mark]

Good to have you on board Agent Minimuscle!

Yes, World Domination is at our finger... er, toe tips. With you on the west coast, Pest in the east and me in the midwest (insert maniacal laughter here). /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

Meanwhile I have been successful in finding a new recruit . . . he's really big and spotted. I'm sure he'll come in handy for covert operations that require unlimited height and strength. He is Agent OU812, aka Top Spin and will be our "Hit Doggie" for the midwest. Just last night he had his chin on the kitchen counter looking for yummies (for the agency, of course), but got caught by our humans before completing the mission. Gotta work with him on the perfection of AgentDachsies sneakiness. /ubb/smilies/cool.gif

Our Eastern Alliance sounds like it's growing in numbers every day . . . thanks to the recruiting efforts of Agent Pest.

Red convertible? Of course, we all get one. My human daddy has one, but I'm having 2 problems. I can't see over the dash board and can't reach the pedals (I think that's important?). /ubb/smilies/silly.gif

Gotta sign off now . . . we're having BBQ later and I wanna spend several hours practicing the L@@K. /ubb/smilies/oogle.gif

00k9, over & out of it

[weenie]

psst.....PEST, Sp Agent Wilhelm. I have LOTS of experience and expertise in the "crumb patrol" area. I never ever let a crumb go uneaten.....

-over

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst...PEST here..Minimuscle, glad to have you on board, you too OU812, we could use some height in our operations.

Agent Wilhelm, Dukey is satisfied with your resume.

Ok, we have the country covered. Now, Dachshund Central is having a meeting on July 28th in New Hampshire, there will be at least 65 Agents attending under the ploy of DRNA's Dachshund picnic. We will need to prepare. I myself have hidden many of dad's boxer shorts under the bed for disguises. Dukey has chewies in our doggy couch for supplies and Sammy has chewed up many tissues in case we need emergency bedding.

We need to complete the DWD plan.

What..er...excuse me...ok, ok..Sammy wants to know if he can just have a red bike for covert operations, he's only 6 months old and doesn't have his doggy license yet.

This is what I have to deal with!

I will continue to eaves drop on mom's conversations to find out the hoomans plans for this shindig and we will make our moves.

Um, I gotta go, I'm itchy and I can't reach...MOM!!!!!!

Oh sorry

PEST out MOM!!!!!!!

[dutchman]

OK now that Dad's back at work I can get a quick note off. Do you guys need a mountain region operative? I'll be attending the Colorado Weenie Roast on Saturday and dad tells me there were over 160 of us long guys there last year. The operation is being fronted by the Colorado Dachshund Rescue. I'm an expert at getting out. I ran away from my first home when I was just six months old. Made a clean break from that home but cot nabbed and put behind bars for a couple of weeks. I gave enough kisses and put on an act to get out to my operating base. I've managed to escape my kennel a couple of times and almost chewed my way out of the house by going through the mini blinds in living room window after a kennel break while dad was at work. I'm great at getting over barriers dad first tried the 24" x-pen he kept the little girl who lived here before me confined with but that was no challenge (I forgot to get back in before dad got home but forgive me I'm young). He then brought home a taller pen but I got out of that one as well. In the short time (less than two months) that I've been in this place I've managed to hide several chews and a buster cube full of food. Any operatives attending this weenie roast thing on Saturday that I can make contact with. I forgot to say I'm a bigger guy 13 pounds at eight months and not afraid of anyone.

Frank

[Mandy]

This is Henry, aka Snuggle Butt. I'd like to join your operation. I think I would fit perfectly for your need for an interpretor. I understand what the parents are saying and know how to milk more info out of them (especially Mommy) by doing such things as tilting my head, using the L@@K, and many other tips I've picked up over my 2 1/2 years.

Also, I'm the best at hiding. You know those torture devices the parents have that they call nail clippers? I stole one of them. Mommy packed up the entire house when we moved and NEVER found those nasty things. I'm good!

No one tell Jakey about this though! He has a BIG mouth. He can't keep anything a secret. We may be able to use him as a diversion though. He's always doing something naughty to get into trouble. Well, don't we all...but some of us....(cough, cough) know better than to get caught! Maybe when he's older we can let him in on it. Hey, could we put Sammy and Jakey together for the diversions?

Can't wait to see all you Northeasterners at the Dachsie Day 2000!

I hear someone at the door...gotta go pretend Jakey shut the door and locked me in the den here....

Over and out,
Snuggle Butt

[Mark]

Pssst, Frank. Still there . . . Oh, good.

As leader of the Midwest Coalition allow me to welcome you to DWD on behalf of myself & OU812. We can use a good Agent in the Mountain region . . . especially one who is an escape artist.

Agent Pest has the largest group in the Eastern Coalition and will probably fill you in on some of our secrets . . . you know, like the secret paw shake and butt sniff.

Be sure to keep yours eyes open for any stray roasted weenies (hmmm, not sure we should like the sound of that?) at your Agent gathering on Saturday.

Pssst, Pest. Just so you know I am taking this recruiting of other Agents seriously . . . I've got a commitment from OU812 to convert and become a Dachshund . . . now what do I do?

And, by the way . . . good work on the disguises . . . are there enough for all of us?

Gotta go practice the L@@K some more . . . the hoomans lit the BBQ.

00k9, Over and WAY out of it.

[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 08, 2000).]

[Dukey's Mom]

OOK9...are you there...PEST here..yes, I have enough material for disguises for all of us. We have trout boxers, striped boxers and Christmas boxers.( my dad was lit)...Ok, as far as OU812, can he be trusted fully? I mean, he isn't a Dachshund, can we cut his legs down? Is he bendable? I mean, he HAS to fit in...althiugh( my evil side is kicking in...) we may have uses for the tall one. yessss...hmmm, I can never reach the darn counter or anything higher than moms knees, and then I am standing, ok, ok,he's in, but the spots have to go.

What about whitewash??

Greetings to all new recruits. Tomorrow we will all repeat the DWD pledge. be prepared

PSET out, way out!

[Mark]

pest are you there . . . PEST ARE YOU THERE! OK, OK I'll whisper (whatever that is). /ubb/smilies/oogle.gif

Anyway, good work on the disguises and we look forward to receiving ours. I'm not sure they'll fit OU812, though. And I did talk to him about the "spots" . . . he says they stay. As a consession, though . . . he has been practicing the L@@K. But he's so big it doesn't come off as cute as the rest of our Agents. We both tried lurking around the BBQ last night and you know what we got? NUTHIN! ZERO goodies! Nadda, Zilch, Zip!

Anyway along with the L@@K he has lots of good traits like the rest of us . . . stubborn, greedy, selfish and spoiled rotten. How's that sound?

We both have to watch our backs around DB. I believe she is actually a double agent for the hoomans! Like last night . . . there I was sneaking up on a nice slab of BBQ ribs, while Agent OU812 created a diversion and WHAM . . . she comes up and starts barking at me. Game over! /ubb/smilies/disgust.gif

Attention Snuggle Butt (strange name for a Secret Agent /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif ) . . . we can use a good Agent with your skills. As you can see, I understand the problems you have with Jakey . . . hmmmmm . . . I wonder if he's in communication with Duck Butter. You know, a Secret Agent "group" within our group? See what you can find out and I'll interogate DB, with the help of OU812. Be sure to communicate your findings to Dachsie Central.

ALL AGENTS: Remember this is not the CIA, FBI or NSA - it's the DWD with the DC HQ in a secret place. So to avoid becoming MIA or a POW in the USA, use the UBB so your VIP doesn't catch on.

00K9, OUT!

[dutchman]

I thought dad was never going to get to work this morning so I could check things out. I don't know if I'll come up with any good ideas but there is a costume contest at tomorrows get together perhaps if some of us swap costumes we can check out some new areas. I'll try to stash as many hot dogs as possible there is suppose to be a bobbing for hot dogs contest and I hope many of the two legged young there who we all know like to drop or sneak us food. I've got to watch that I don't eat too much of that food it is tempting but part of being a good escape artist and runner is keeping my weight down so I can jump over things and make a fast break if needed. I'm getting a little worried dad's talking about the possibility of bring home a little girl at some point I don't know if I might lose a little motivation to escape if that happens. The other good news is that dad may talk to this Dachshund Rescue gal on Saturday about some short term foster care in which case I'll have many more contacts that can spread the word but I guess I'll have to watch out for a double agent planted to find out our plans. Better get going dad forgot to leave the radio on when he left and I haven't learned to read a clock so I'm not sure how long till he comes home to let me out front.

Frank

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssstttt PEST here, Dukey and me and Roger and Maggie came up with the DWD oath last night,Sammy was busy chasing a bunny.

Ok, All Agents raise right front paw.

Please repeat the following:

I Agent ( your name here) swear to follow the following DWD rules.

1) Never volunteer any information and never ever give in willingly to the hoomans demands.

2) Prior to each communication, try to roll in something that smells really bad, no reason needed.

3)Stash as much yummies as possible.

4) Practice the LOOK to perfection.

5)When you are really Frito like, stick your paws in front of your hoomans nose, they love it.

6)When a car or person go by your home, bark like crazy, " mailman, come to kill us all" hoomans find this endearing.

7) As a DWD Agent, always practice Dachsie ettiquette. Be stubborn, very adorable, and get as much food as possible.

8)Be sure to sniff fellow Agents butts to make sure they are legit, very important!

9)Make sure you get the best spot on the bed, world domination will be tiring, push the male hooman as far as you can over to the edge of the bed. Then tell him "stay"

10)Last but not least, keep all kitty tootsie rolls under the bed in case you need extra energy.

Ok, paws up!

Now, if you think you may be being followed by a suspecting hooman, drop kibble all over the floor, they love to step on it in their bare feet. My daddy always gets excited when he does!

PEST out

Oh, please think of fellow Agent Sammy. Dad said he was going to the vets to get fixed
(ouch)and he was gonna come home lighter

He was mighty scared Agent Sammy, but he went bravely, as any Dachsie would.

[wireweiners]

00K9 and Pest, this heah is Pippin, code name Backhoe. Bein, a southun genlman, Ah hate to correct the ladies, but ma'am Ah believe y'all have exclude the South in y'all's plans for world domination. Theahfo' Ah am offerin' mah services as the southun representative of the Cause. Ah have considerable expertise in excavation and landscapin'. Why pahts of mah yahd resemble the surface of the moon. This makes mowin' much mo' intrestin' for mom. Ah have also recruited two junior agents, Whoppa and Button. They have successfully completed theah first mission by stealin' a cheese wrapper from the garbage and eating a $35 vial of Prescriptives eye cream. Ah also have one of those tall spotted gals on ouah side. She recently scored a whole cup of hamburger grease off the kitchen counter. While she got yelled at us dachsies were busy scourin' the floah for mom. Ah don't trust that Wheeler though, he had the audacity to bark at Stonewall Jackson's statue when we visited Manassas last spring. We'uns think he's a Yankee spy.

YeeeHaaaaa, the Southun dachshunds shall rise again

Agent Backhoe out.

[Mark]

I KNEW DUCK BUTTER WAS A DOUBLE AGENT!!!!!!!

She is in direct violation of DWD oath sections 2, 9 & 10. That's why she drew attention to me last night just as I was about to score the slab of ribs. Then I'm ESCORTED back into the house with a "Just what do you think your doing young lady" . . . whatever that means in hoomanese. /ubb/smilies/confused.gif

Welcome Backhoe! Yes, we seem to have neglected the south - our humblest apologies to the gentleman from the Southern Coalition. Glad to hear we've another tall, spotted Agent on board, too. Maybe the other agency personnel won't feel so uncomfortable around OU812 now. Impressive moves on the cheese and grease . . . had you planned those exploits for long?

We still need Agents in the Southeast area . . . then, of course we need agents in other countries. Any ideas? Pest? Frank? Snuggle Butt? Backhoe? Kaiser Wilhelm? Minimuscle? Squeek?

WOOOO-HOOOOO . . . boy Agent OU812 sure is good at the DWD oath #8!

Signing off for now . . .

00K9 >>>> OUT

[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 09, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Mark (edited June 09, 2000).]

[Mandy]

Snuggle Butt here.....scored big time! I stole one of those double hot mitts out of the dirty laundry this morning. Not only did it have some yummy grease on it, but it's the kind you can stick your head in to use as a hat. After cleaning all of the grease off, I hid it in one of my hiding places.

Jakey, aka Giggle Monster, may have his uses but I still don't trust his motives...he was helping Mommy fold the laundry and was sticking socks on his mose and undies on his head..Mommy said he looked like an elephant (I'll explain later). Still who knows. He is definitely in violation of rolling in smelly things. He has decided that he likes to roll on the dryer sheets (small white pieces of diposable material the parents put in the laundry to keep clothes from sticking together and to help make them smell good). What am I supposed to think of that? Rolling on something that smells good? WEll.....ook9 I think you may be right! The giggle monster may be in cahoots with duck butter....and you think you know your family!

Okay...an elephant is a really, really big grey animal with a big nose that looks like a big tail and they use to pick things up with. You can also ride on their backs.....We have got to get one of these....someone check on pets.com Mommy got me a little stuffed elephant there once....maybe they come in bigger sizes!

Have to go now! Daddy got food poisoning and was really sick last night. YOu know how daddies are babies when they are sick....that means Mommy can't watch me as much and I can sneak around and hear some more...

signing off
Snuggle Butt
Hail to the Cause!

[WOTANSMUTTI]

Pssst! Calling all agents! Calling all agents... this is Minimuscle direct from WA state. No geese on the rebound-saw a duck.

Woodrats in the car engines and dad with his fishing pole looked suspicious. I gave him a good sound barking.

The Hoomans are getting wiser. They haven't left any easy means of nourishment to get at for some time. I'm starting to depend on the L@@K and creating diversions for a yummers. I also think Diva, Labrador Extraodinaire, is a double agent- but it is unclear what faction she is a covert agent for. I'm sure it's not for the Hoomans since she seems to have her own plans within plans!

Description of Diva Dog: Eyes- naturally the L@@k. This is rare for a big dog. They are yellow. Fur: can look all shades of blond and red. Fur is waterproof.Diva swims. <FONT COLOR="Red">Warning:</FONT c> Not to be trusted with dachshund toys,Espc. Booda or kong balls...Guard these with your life.

Agents of Amerika! I have a recruitment idea. We must get Finnish Helga, Miss Piggy and Little Princess on our side. They can cover all of Northern Europe. Maybe they could send us some moose poop to roll in. /ubb/smilies/facelick.gif

I raise my paw and take the oath! I will protect and serve the cause of DWD to the best or <FONT COLOR="Green">DIE</FONT c>trying.

Welcome aboard Southern Coalition! I've heard about Hushpuppies. Are they really puppies? /ubb/smilies/eek.gif

Wotan- er, Agent Minimuscle over and out!

[Dolly's Mom]

S.O.S.! S.O.S.!! Squeek here! Trouble here in N. CA! Need assistance!/ubb/smilies/uh-oh.gif Floor Dragon is out of surgery from getting its tail sewn back on (wonder how THAT happened)/ubb/smilies/angel.gif and is in the recovery room. It will be...gulp...coming home today and roaring to life! I will rack my brain...careful NOT to smash the pea...as to how to disarm the beast PERMANENTLY!!! Psssst! PEST! I took my oath and can be trusted for the tight squeeze jobs.

OUT
Squeek

[Tina]

This is Miss LP; the secret agent. Advice on the mission Floor Dragon: keep on trying. Remove small pieces here and there whenever you have time. Even single strings might be enough. This is a proven method: I´ve practiced it on another Floor Dragon. It lives in the house of the grantparents and I have attacked it with my sister every single time we have visited their place.This time Granny studied it and said she had never liked it very much and perhaps it was time to throw it out permanently. It took us less than a year and only one attack about every second month was needed./ubb/smilies/bounce.gif
They are also reconsidering whether it is really necessary to have roses (or any other flowers, for that matter) in the garden. But secret agent Miss P could tell more about that, if anybody is interested. Out Agent LP with-blue-woolly-strings-between-the-teeth.

[Mark]

00K9 here.

Snuggle Butt . . . come on! A big gray animal with a tail for a nose and can pick things up with it? Hey agents . . . are any of you buying this. AND you can ride on it's back . . . not this pooch, I'll tell ya! But you're probably right about Giggle Monster . . . how disgusting . . . rolling in something that SMELLS GOOD! Yuck!

Yep, Minimuscle . . . you got big problems with the yellow fur dog . . . definately be wary. Great idea on the Northern Europe connection, how do we proceed? We must be cautious though, with the like of DB, Giggle Butt and YFD around to vex us at every turn. Proceed with extreme caution - destroy any communications so they do not fall in the wrong paws.

Squeek, be careful of the Floor Dragon . . . I, personally have seen and heard these creatures. OU812 and I try to stay in the backyard when the one in our house is roaming. Better safe than run over and eaten. Fortunately they seem to hibernate most of the time. Judging by the noise they make, this must make them angry. Good advice from Miss LP, too! We've tried barking at it a lot and it does not seem to phase it one bit.

And, yes Miss P . . . honor us with a recount of your exploit with flowers.

The past few days have been quite here . . . maybe just a little TOO quiet. We'll be on our guard for the worst.

00K9 out for now.

DWD forever!

[Dukey's Mom]

Psst...PEST here! Wew, what a weekend. We scored big time! We got hamburgers and we didn't even ask....hey, wait a minute....I wonder if mom and dad are on to us...gasp! I will have to meet with Agent Dukey and discuss.

Mom was talking about going to see "her" Tom in a movie called....Mission Impossible 2..Dukey almost passed out, we thought they were on to DWD. We had this great plan, that maybe mom's Tom had some stuff we could use for DWD. So, when mom and dad were going to see Tom, Sammy tried to create a diversion by taking one of dads sneakers and then Dukey kept jumping on mommy to try to get her to take him. Nuthin.

We did listen to mom and dad talking about Tom and how much they liked the movie. I guess other agents have helacopters, and sunglasses that talk and motorcycles and all kinds of cool stuff.

Does anyone have any of this stuff? Geez, this Agenmt stuff sounds expensive.

Agent 00k9, please keep a close eye on DB, can't afford any to have any of our secrets told.

Agent Minimuscle...the cow is flying!
Agent Snuggle Butt, keep up the good work!

[Dukey's Mom]

Agent Squeek!

Stay away from floor dragon! I repeat stay away from floor dragon.They have been known to suck up a Doxie in a split second. Agent Dukey heard about this very thing happening during his last visit to the vets.

Scary stuff!

Agent PEST OUT

[Tanya]

Psst...Agent Pest and Agent 00K9. This is Agent Bootscooter (Josephine). I have taken the oath and pledge my allegiance to the DWD. I am here to represent the Southeast and to do my part for dachsies everywhere.

I have already served in several missions with my sister, but she is no longer with us...she gave her all for the cause. A better Agent there never was. I, Agent Bootscooter plan to take over in her memory. My hoomuns don't think I'm a real dachsie because I don't act as "crazy" as some...but that's just part of my plan to further our cause!!

Just this weekend I scored a plate of french fries with Ketchup from the 2 foot tall hooman. She is a weak link and I use her to get lots of goodies...she's under my total control!

Also, there's a new dog living inside my house and trying to take my toys! Advice needed. This is an old dog and my mommy says he has to stay in now to get out of the heat, but he STOLE my duster toy!! Well, I just took it right back. Who the heck does he think he is? His name is Cujo and that sounds like a mean name. I may need to call for reinforcements if the situation worsens.

DWD Forever!
Agent Bootscooter over and out!

PS: dryer sheets are for shredding...not for rolling!

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Tanya (edited June 12, 2000).]</font>

[dutchman]

Just a quick update from Colorado. Made contact with a number of prospective agents on Saturday. The humans tried to bribe us to reveal our secrets. They gave us puperonies and used pie plates with a number of slices of hot dog in them. I'm not sure what they laced those hot dogs with but I almost talked when they set those out. I've now got a disguise but not sure how good it is since dad bought it for me. I've got a pail blue tank top with a runners number pinned on it. Perhaps if I could get a number from someone else so dad didn't know what race it was from it might work. I got to go I will report more latter.

Frank

[Mark]

Pssst, Pest.

Good thinking on the hamburger . . . you get something like that and, well there's gotta be a catch. Let us know what you find out. We are ready to mobilize, at the drop of a collar, and rush to your aid.

Hmmmm, Tom? Sounds like a code name. What does a helicopter do? Would we like have to kick in lots of yummies to get it? Sunglasses? Motorcycles? It's all very confusing.

That's a good heads up on the Floor Dragon to Agent Squeek. I, myself have heard those stories from those who know.

Welcome Bootscooter . . . we can use an Agent of you caliber in the Southeast. Keep a close eye on this Cujo dog . . . he could be a Double Agent like you-know-who (DB). And there are others in DWD who suspect the same in our midst. As their numbers grow . . . so must ours, otherwise all may be lost. Good work on the Fries!!!! Just a little while ago my Mama hooman was pushing the hot thingy on a board with clothes on it . . . so Agent OU812 created a diversion by knocking the board thing over (he made it look like an accident) and in all the confusion I scored some of Daddy's potato chips and a bite on a roast beef sandwich. Yum! That OU812 is getting to be a pretty good DWD partner. Naturally Miss goody2shoes DB starting barking at me, but too late . . . I already had the goods. Again, we can mobilize quickly should this Cujo dog give you any trouble.

Frank, great job on recruiting this weekend . . . and on scarfing all those yummies. I don't know if we have a doctor within DWD, but I'll try to find out . . . they can run some tests to see if any of the hoomans drugged you. If they did, it will be pretty certain that at least some of them are on to us. Can you remember who each of them are in case we need to eliminate them?

Summary: Our plan is falling neatly into place. With the continental US pretty much covered, we await word from Northern Europe. Let's all keep recruiting . . . do not, I repeat DO NOT become lax or trusting of the hoomans or their Double Agents. It would mean doom for us all.

Pest: The shingles are below sea level


00K9 & OU812 - OUT!

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssst...PEST here....Dukey and Sammy and Maggie and Roger wanted me to relay their latest discovery.

All mailmen are against the DWD. They spy on our house everyday! Dukey is very suspicious!

Be careful out there!


PEST.....out

[Dolly's Mom]

At ease agents! I resqueek, At ease! The floor dragon has been subdued (for now) and is once again hibernating in his cave. Now on to more important things like scoring spicy cheezits and popcorn.

Agent Squeek OUT.....doing my wee part for DWD!!!

[georgette]

Agent Black Ice here (aka Danny Dog), Over and In, repeat, In and Over...hmmm, I think we'd better "bone-up" on dachsie code.

Need agent help here in Jerseyland. For now I'm underblanket - I mean undercover. Am being heavily infiltrated with hoomans but agent Clue-de-Knife (aka Gabby) and I are keeping them off the track. I overheard Georgie say that one of "them" will be here tomorrow morning to replace the hot water heater. (I wonder how that broke, he-he?) But we can scavenge for goodies while they are busy in the basement!
I think George is being watched as a dachsie sympathizer. The IRS (I think it stands for Inedible Refrigerator Snacks) has sent her a blackmail letter asking for $600 MORE than we already sent them. If she doesn't pay up, we east coast dachsies will be on their Most Wanted List. Hey, but we're not afraid, are we?

[Dukey's Mom]

Agent Dukey here. PEST is outside beating up on Sammy.

We are gettin vewy suspishus. We got hoty dogs wast night! We didn't even ask!I think they may be on to us!

What do we do? Dottie, um, PEST has set up DWD Central, we have wital infomation!

All Agents!! Please respond! Quick!

Dukey..under and low

[Mark]

ATTENTION Jerseyland Agents Black Ice and Clue de Knife . . . 00K9 here.

Hot water heater, indeed. Ha, Ha, Haaa. Be very cautious . . . it may be a ploy of the hoomans & traitor faction within our ranks.

"The calendar has a yardstick and it speaks Latin"!

Pest . . . we too have been very wary of the Mailperson . . . I believe we may be called upon to dispatch them all . . . with extreme prejudice. Be prepared, in that event, and make sure all your Dachs are in a row.

All agents: Agent Dukey has apparently assumed a leadership role under Agent Pest and has VITAL information for us. At precisely 0100 Zulu Time use the L@@K towards Freemont, NH and be prepared to receive coded Dachsie Rays.

00K9 & OU812, High & Low

[Krista]

Agent Rudy finally reporting for duty. a.k.a the Hypnotist

Mom has been watching too closely for me to join up officially until now. I have been practicing brainwashing humans and have now succeeded! My mom had a "candle party" whatever the heck that is on saturday and I gave each lady the L@@K after mom showed off my so-called obedience skills. They fell under my spell and were forced to rub my belly until I let them quit. The plan was so successful they were apparently blinded when I got away with a piece of chicken kay-sa-dee-ya and a whole tortilla chip.

Let me know how this skill can be used to further our cause more.
-I will be waiting for instructions.

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssst PEST here...

Please disregard Agent Dukey's last transmission. He thought we were out of Beggin Strips.

All Agents! All Agents

The Poop is Squishy! I repeat, The Poop is Squishy!

Oops! Here comes mom!

Next transmission will confirm

PEST out!

[Dolly's Mom]

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! This is Dolly, aka THE GRUB, Double Secret Agent and FRIEND to hoomans...as long as they placate me with spicy cheezits, popcorn and belly rubs. There may be a conflict of interest brewing here, as a certain agent SQUEEK and that new agent Hypnotist have been known to cyberly covort and chortle under the blankie together and act real silly in their feelings for each other.http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/love.gif It's enough to make one http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/sick.gif. I don't know, but this may be a breech of edykwette and something to keep your L@@K on. The fly has landed on the moon made of green cheese. CHEESE??? Did someone say CHEESE? I will tell ALL for FOOD!

Regards,
Dolly the Grub. http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/blue02.gif

[Tanya]

Calling all agents. Agent Bootscooter here with a communication problem. Please start a new thread Agent Pest or 00K9...or any Agent! My communication device is having difficulty downloading so much info and I can't miss DWD info...it could end tragically.

There is a double agent among us who will tell all for food. i dare not say his name for fear he will catch on. We may need to mobilize and rush to the aid of Agent Squeak and Hypnotist. Be on alert.

Agent Bootscooter short and stinky...I mean over and out

[Mark]

Pssst . . . Pest!

I'm more than a little concerned about the rumors of how easily some of the Agents can be swayed. I think we've already lost Agent Grub and Agent Squeek right behind. DWD can in no way afford these losses if we are to achieve the lofty goals of the group. Even with "squishy poop"! How is your read of the situation. And if the Grub has been turned to the Dark Side . . . she (gulp) has the code for our communications center, even though it's 256 Megakazillion bytes of encryption. OU812 is concerned as well. I've never seen fear in the big guy before and it breaks me up. We need your input to calm our fears - and be sure it's in the NEW secret code so it's not intercepted. If necessary, use the "Bone of Silence"! That's right . . . pull no punches.

Agent Hypnotist . . . good to have you on board. I'm sure your skills we come in handy as we approach "D" Day. Especially keep honing the mass hypnotism skills. Soon we will all be enjoying our fill of Chicken whatchamacallits. Heh-heh-heh

"The squirrel is out of her tree!"

ooK9 & OU812

[wireweiners]

Agent Backhoe here. The computer has been on the blink. Ah heard Mom talkin' about a virus. Hope its not catchin'. Maybe she should carry it to the vet for shots.

We'uns had some dissention in the ranks this weekend. Agent Speckled Pup (the tall spotted one) and Ah had a dispute over a piece of kibble Wheela had ovah looked. Jus' as she was fixin' to get the best of me, mom stepped in and saved me. But not befouh, ah nailed her good on the laig. They's some advantages to bein' short. :evil: Y'all should have heard her squall! She whined and limped and carried on like ah'd bitten it off. What a wuss! :D

Ah thank that DWD needs to address this business of having to go outside to potty in inclement weathuh. It rained all weekend and mom forced us to go outside. It was so bad that Mata Hari (aka Rita) was takin' covah under Speckled Pup.

Speakin' of Mata Hari, she is smellin' real interestin' these days. :love: But since mah surgery, ah cain't fo' the life of me, remember wha ah'm supposed to be interested. :confused:

The hushpuppies are in the grease. Repeat: The hushpuppies are in the grease.

Backhoe ovah and out.

[Dolly's Mom]

sniffle...sob...sniffle http://dachsie.org/ubb/smilies/crying.gif

Oh PULEEEEEZE your most honorable worshipfulness! PLEEEEEZE! Don't lump me as one with that evil quadruple crossing lard butt of a sister I have. I DO have a mind of my own, you know...and I know how to use it too to train the hoomans to obey my every squeek. Oh sir, it is true. I've been fratinizing with agent Hypnotist, but beggin' your great majesty, he IS one of OURS! Don't you think that this cyber relationship can come in handy for the really delicate operations? With his mind control powers and my size, why, we can do GREAT things for the CAUSE. I beg of you to please reconsider your appraisal of little ol' me and PLEASE give me a chance to prove that I'm for DWD thru and thru. I will just have to keep an eye out on that nap loving lazy hound and as a warning to all loyal agents to the DWD, don't pay any heed to the propaganda coming from double cross agent Dolly Doglet. Oh yeah, I'm her sissy and I love her, but I don't have to like her politics. Please Sirs ooK9 and OU812, I plead for your mercy.

your humble servant,
Squeek

[georgette]

Agent Black Ice reporting in over the blankie. The squirrel may be out of the tree AND the hushpuppies may be in the grease <FONT size="6"><FONT COLOR="Red">BUT</FONT c></FONT s> <FONT COLOR="Pink"><FONT size="6">IS THE CROCODILE SWIMMING TOWARD THE HIPPOPOTAMUS?</FONT s></FONT c>
I'm afraid we've overlooked a very obvious infiltration - the UPS turncoat faction! One of <FONT size="6">THEM</FONT s>left a package on our deck today - oh just a little <FONT size="6">TOO</FONT s>casually and enticingly, but Agent Clue-de-Knife and I were on to him - we ripped it to shreds, but, alas we did not find the microphone. What's our motto? - gee I forget for the moment - getting sleepy...

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by georgette (edited June 13, 2000).]</font>

[Mandy]

Agent Snuggle Butt here.....delayed in communications due to bodygaurd responsibilities...Daddy's food poisoning turned out to be a really bad flu and he gave it to Mommy. I heard him tell her he just wanted to share everything...well, if that's the case I think he could share some of his food with me!!!!!

ook9....Yes these elephants are real! Like I said, Mommy got me a little one, but I saw these big real ones on Animal Planet (valuable info can be gleaned from this channel). Someone check at Pets.com and see if you can get a real one...does anyone know their parents debit/credit card number? I know we need one of those....

Don't be too hard on the UPS guy....he's the one who brings all of the goodies from Pets.com!

Okay...being originally from Kansas..I know what these helicopters are and I don't see how we need any. Helicopters are these seed things that some trees have to have tree babies. The seed had this flat part attached to it so that the seed can fly somewhere else for the new tree baby to grow! They don't seem like they would be good for much. On the other hand, an elephant with a tail for a nose that can pick stuff up with it and give us rides seems much more practical!

Bad news! I heard the parents saying that they were going to cut back on my food (gulp!). They said that the weight I gained after getting neutered and stealing Jakey's puppy food just wasn't getting worked off very well when I am eating so much of my light food every day. I have to eat that much when Mommy expects me to go on all of these walks, swims, and fetches! What do I do?

Still watching the giggle monster for possible turn coat....

Dachsies walk on water when the dark swan dives!

[Mandy]

Snuggle Butt again.....regarding Floor Dragon!

We have two living at our house. We have one who goes around eating dirt and possibly low to teh ground dachsies.....and another one who goes around slobbering all over the place before sucking it back up....disgusting! These floor dragons have no manners!

[Dukey's Mom]

Pssttt...if you are a spy, cover your eyes...ok, All Agents! We have moved to a new post. It's "Psst PEST DWD"...meet us there!

PEST out!

[Mark]

ATTN. ALL AGENTS:

This DWD communications center is closed. Forward yourselves to Com Link "Psst...it's PEST DWD"

00K9

[Mark]

Attention New Agents:

This was the first DWD communication center. To get up to speed on the history and development of the DWD read this thread from the beginning, then continue to the 2nd one entitled "Psst ... it's PEST DWD". Read it from the beginning then continue to "DWD Members Only". Welcome to the cause.

00K9 - End Transmission

<font color="#00FFFF" font size="1">[This message has been edited by Mark (edited July 12, 2000).]</font>