Missing Abby

[andy&abby]

Several friends have written me asking how Andy and I have been doing since we lost Abby. I want and need to thank each and every one of you for the love; support and caring that you have given so much of to us.
I was devastated when I lost Abby. It was out of the blue and hit really fast and was so unexpected. I kept telling myself that she would get better and I refused to believe any differently. She was just a few months shy of being 11 years old. And we all know that for a healthy dachsie that is middle age. Other than allergies she was healthy as a horse. It is Andy that has epilepsy and chronic back trouble. I always thought and that I would lose Andy first. The vet would give me the “let’s be prepared just in case” speech each time Andy would have problems. We would joke that Andy would end up out living us all. And yes I hurt now when I remember that. It all seemed so innocent then. When she passed I was so full of guilt. I remembered Tom (Dutchman) saying that we all can play the “what if” game but it was not productive and we shouldn’t. That is so much easier said than done. I kept thinking that if I had gotten her in sooner to the vets they could have saved her. It was my fault for not getting her in as soon as I should have. I had a lot going on at the same time that I noticed she just was not acting right. I really couldn’t put my finger on it and it was not something very noticeable. More of a feeling really other than she would pant when it was not hot out.
I also was angry with the doctor. I am good friends with my dogs doctor and trust him. He did an amazing job and support with Andy. Please remember I live In Wichita and we are not on the cutting edge of anything, least of all animal health care. However, I did get hurt and angry that he did not do more for her. I know now that he did everything he could and that thinking that way is a part of my grief. He also was saddened by her death. He made all the arrangements for me including calling Pet Traditions, a local pet mortuary. (Okay, so we are on the cutting edge of that and I am so very thankful for them) The lady who owns it and another lady who works there both have dachshunds and they shared how hard it was for them and how beautiful Abby was. My doc had told them that Abby was a very special one. I couldn’t help myself and shared with them our place here on the web. The love of a fellow dachsie lover is a powerful thing, and I hope they do visit and join us.
I truly feel that I let Abby down. That she depended on me and I failed her. I helped Andy through several serious times and the one time Abby needed that same care I wasn’t there for her.
I was looking at photos of her today and it broke my heart. I have photos of Abby and Andy having a tug a war with a small bobo the Saturday before she died. And to tell you the truth Andy was stealing it from her. Yes he did take it but I retrieved it and gave it back to her for which she was happy about.
When my heart starts hurting and I start crying I remember all of you here who have also lost a dachsie daughter or son and feels the same pain that I am feeling and I remember the out pour of prayers and love and sorrow from all of you. At the time I just couldn’t bring myself to post but now I want to say Thank you. Truly, thank you for caring enough to write a little note, to include Abby and my family in your prayers. It meant so very much to us and it did make a HUGE difference. Knowing that others care about our dachsies as much as we do/ did is really a huge thing. So again Thank you all.
Now that I am crying again I need a group hug…..
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x254/tlmeans/Layouts/Abby01-07_400.jpg

[Orchid Crazy]

Your post has me in tears Toni. I wish so bad that your heart was not hurting. I hope you can feel my arms around you, my dear friend....

[WeinerDogMom]

Lots of ::hug2::hug2::hugs::grouphugg:
It's never easy to remember the ones that pass, I still miss our Olive everyday, but it does get easier.

Hang in there!

[Patricia]

When I had to put my dog Dale to sleep 2 years ago I was so angry and hurt. Except for when my father died, it was the worst time of my life.

I have Dale's urn on my night table and it's the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night before I go to sleep. It took me a year to get back on my feet emotionally from her death.

I think many of us on here can relate to your grief. Be gentle with yourself. The love you gave Abby while she was here is the thing that counts the most. Comfort yourself in the memories of when times were good. Focus on all the love you had for each other, all the times she wagged her tail for you. Those are the things that truly matter.:hearts::hearts:

[doxi1myheart]

We are all here for you Toni. I know exactly how you feel,as I blame myself for Pickle's death. Because Lisa was working 7 days a week,and I was taking care of the housework on a day off,I know that I am the one who did not see the washcloth drop from the load of laundry that I was carrying. I KNEW that she was bad for eating non-foods,but because I did not go check on her right then and there (she must have snatched it and run under my feet-had big load of laundry in my arms), she was able to eat the washcloth. I will carry that guilt with me for the rest of my days,and nothing anybody will ever say to me can change that. Sending you many :hug2::hug2: as well as understanding.

[LUVMYGUNNER]

Here are hugs for you Toni.:hug2::hug2:

[WeinerDogMom]

I think we all learn from our "mistakes". When we lost our first cocker, Sweetpea, we didn't do it right. We'd never dealt with losing one before so when she was so sick and we should have rushed her to the emergency clinic, instead we decided to wait until the next morning (she'd just been sick a day and a half but she was almost 12 yrs old). Should have know what white gums meant but we didn't. So she died by herself on the bathroom floor on blankets probably in pain - hubby was the one who found her the next morning and he still beats himself up. She was our first baby. I try to look at it that we "learned" and Popeye and Olive did not go through that nor will any other animal we have.

ok, I wasn't going to cry . . .

[5weeniesmom]

I cry with you as I can feel how much your heart is breaking. I wish I could say the right words or do something to take your hurt but I know I can't. You must know u were a great hoomom and when it was Abby's time it wasn't going to matter about the what if's even though I know u still think it, I did that with my dad. Sending you HUGE mega hugs from deep within and I hope u feel them there! :hug2::hug2: Let the bright memories shine thru!:candle:

[dutchman]

First a big :hug2:. Yes living the do not play the what if game is harder than saying you won't. With time things get easier and we can start to remember all the happy days much better than the sad ones at the end. We will always be here with shoulders to lean or cry on whenever you need them.

[stacicakes]

Toni I wish I could climb right through this computer and give you a big hug! I am trying my best to hold back the tears while writing this. I can feel the sadness from reading your post. Please don't beat yourself up.....You did your best! Grieving is a process and you will go through many different emotions before reaching the point where you are at peace. Allow yourself to embrace the grieving process and let go of the mental baggage you may be holding onto. You loved Abby with all your heart......it was her time.....as sad and unfair as that might be. We are all here for you....lean on us to help you through. :candle: Sweet Abby :angel:.

[MyFirstDaxie]

Ahhhh, I am all misty eyed! I can't imagine losing someone so loved and close to you. :hug:
And a :candle: for Abby, to let her know we still think about her.

[MomToMazzy&More]

Toni, I can only say that Abby was loved & knew she was loved. I know how your heart must break thinking about her. I wish I had the words to comfort you. Hopefully thinking of your happy times with her will give you peace & a little smile on your face. :hug2::hug2:

[Suzanne R]

Toni, I can only say that Abby was loved & knew she was loved. I know how your heart must break thinking about her. I wish I had the words to comfort you. Hopefully thinking of your happy times with her will give you peace & a little smile on your face. :hug2::hug2:

I, too, have no words to comfort you! Please know this, however, whether you believe it or not - I do! My daughter has learned to communicate with animals; she communicated with my now-deceased dachsie, Tumbleweed, long after his death. She said he held no ill will toward me for anything I did or did not do (I also felt guilty about some of the things I did during his lifetime) - they don't have that capacity, here or beyond. She said he knew I did the very best I could, and that he was in a place of pure love. Please believe that Abby is in a place of pure love, and that you truly did all you could - guilt will never bring her back, nor help you with your grief. We've all been there at one time or another - it hurts so deeply, I know. We all cry with you - please don't continue to blame yourself, because Abby certainly doesn't!

Please share your love with another furkid soon - you have so much to give! And there are SO many out there needing good homes.:hug2:

[doxi1myheart]

I, too, have no words to comfort you! Please know this, however, whether you believe it or not - I do! My daughter has learned to communicate with animals; she communicated with my now-deceased dachsie, Tumbleweed, long after his death. She said he held no ill will toward me for anything I did or did not do (I also felt guilty about some of the things I did during his lifetime) - they don't have that capacity, here or beyond. She said he knew I did the very best I could, and that he was in a place of pure love. Please believe that Abby is in a place of pure love, and that you truly did all you could - guilt will never bring her back, nor help you with your grief. We've all been there at one time or another - it hurts so deeply, I know. We all cry with you - please don't continue to blame yourself, because Abby certainly doesn't!

Please share your love with another furkid soon - you have so much to give! And there are SO many out there needing good homes.:hug2:



I would have never believed that until we lost Pickle and I had my dream. Many of the old-timer's remember this post:


06-04-2007, 01:18 PM
doxi1myheart
Alpha Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Norton, Va
Posts: 885
My Mood:

For the second time since we lost Pickle, I had a long dream. I never remember dreams, but this is 2 that I have remembered (only ones-other than nightmares that I have remembered in years). I was standing in a huge, beautiful, open field full of wildflowers, daisies, and black-eyed Susans-no pup in sight. All of a sudden, Pickle appeared, bounding full-speed toward me. Again in this dream, she was speaking to me-just like 2 humans. This time she was kinda scolding me, telling me to "let her go". She was telling me that after all that she went through, that she would not have been the same had she stayed, that there would be periods of discomfort and pain. She thanked me and her momma for loving her, doing all that we could for her, and she told me that she knew better than to consume the non-food items, that we had scolded, told her many times (even spanked her). She was upset with the guilt that me and Lisa feel. She sent her love to her mom (both human and Belle) and wheeled around and bid a hasty retreat. I think that me calling her is what woke me up. It was very obvious to me in the dream just how moved she was at just how much her momma and me loved her/have hurt over her.

I really feel that she came to me to ease my heart and talk to me.

[Heidi's Pam]

:hugs2: Oh Toni, my heart breaks for your pain. Please know that Abby would not want you beating yourself up over what happened - she would want you to remember her in happier times and with love in your heart. Please know that we're here for you whenever you need a virtual hug (wish we could hug you in person). I hope that in time your pain will ease...:hugs2:

[SirOliversMom]

Toni, sending you big huge heartfelt hugs. My heart still aches for you. Remember that none of us are perfect and she was healthy and happy and you couldn't have known. You might have liked to have known but you couldn't have. Often my puppers are off too, and I just watch them a little more closely but I certainly don't imagine that they are dying and need urgent care. You are no different and you are a great hoomom. I would entrust my dogs to you any day.
Love and hugs from all of us here.

[smilee1079]

Huge huges for you.:hug2::hug2: I don't know what to say since Zoe is my first pet. I can't imagine how hard it will be for me without her. I am so sorry you had to experience this.

[DixieDoodle]

I do understand and I KNOW it is hard. When we had to put Champ to sleep he was 16 yrs. old. I knew it would happen one day but just didn't dwell on it.
The night before we had to put him to sleep, I had him trapped in our kitchen because I knew we would be gone for about 5 hours. He only started having pee accidents the month before (due to his age I suppose) if we were gone more than 4-5 hours. That is why I put him in the kitchen. It has vinyl flooring and I thought it would be easier to clean if he couldn't wait on us. I did put his pillow in there so he could be comfy. He had been having some trouble holding himself up....if the floor was vinyl, his legs would slide a little out from under him. I can still picture him sliding on the floor when we weren't there to help him up and the desperation he must have felt when he went down and couldn't get up:sosad:.
Well....As we were leaving the concert that we went to, our son called and said he just got home and Champ was laying in the middle of the kitchen floor in his own urine. And, that he couldn't get up. We were still one hour from home and I told him to just pick him up and hold him until we got there. I was a nervous crying wreck until we got home. When we did get home, Champ could not stand. I took him outside and held him up so he could pee. He did go. Then we went to bed and I layed him right between us stroking his head all night long telling him how much we loved him and what a good boy he had been. This entire time, I knew in my heart that would be his last night.
I called the vet in the morning and we took him in that afternoon when my husband got home to be put to sleep. If you want to read the rest, I had a post in the memorial section titled something about "A letter from Champ". It would have been in Aug or Sept. that I posted it.

What I'm getting at is that I also felt so guilty...what if I hadn't trapped him in the kitchen? Why did we go to the concert? etc. It sometimes still haunts me even though he was 16 yrs. old, he had been very healthy until about a month before we put him to sleep.

Like you, this board has kept me going on bad days. It helps to know others feel so close to their pets like we do. Most people I work with and some friends just don't understand....in their minds...it's just a dog. BUT, we KNOW better! And I'm grateful for DBB because everyone here completely understands our pain!
:grouphug:

[CoppersOtherMom]

Oh, Toni, my heart just aches for you. I'm in tears reading your post. I wish I could reach you through the computer to give you and Andy a big, big hug. I wish I knew the words to say that would make you feel better. I, along with so many others here, know the grief of loosing our beloved furkids. It gets better in time but it never completely goes away. As much as Oscar and Elvis keep me busy there is a hole in my heart that belongs to Copper and only Copper. Just know you and Andy are in our thoughts and prayers and that we cry right along with you and we grieve Abby with you.

[JunMoll]

Many of us here know what you are going through and how much you grieve. Abby will always hold a very special place in your heart and I hope the pain will be replaced by good memories as the time goes by.
You, your family and Andy are in my prayers.:hug2:

[Julian&MistyMom]

Oh, Toni, my sweet friend, how I wish I knew what to say to help ease your grief. And I know, there really are no words, that are comforting enough. You are the most wonderful of Hoomoms. Abby was loved beyond reason, and because we love them so greatly, we open ourselves up to unbearable pain. Abby is your baby girl. You hold her very close. She fills your heart and soul. When you feel pain in your heart, it's Abby, giving you a hug.
Please know that there isn't a day that goes by, that I'm not thinking of you. :hug2:

[Jude18]

Toni,

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. Abby is still with you, and always will be a part of you. I learned that almost nine months ago when my beloved Casper went to the bridge. I was devastated. I clung to this board and the wonderful people on it like a lifeline. The pain was eased through the compassion of our fellow doxie lovers. While I miss him dearly, I also think of him daily and somehow continue to feel his presence. Please take solace here. It's helped me so much. :hug2:

[RobsDoxies]

http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/4.gif I feel as the same as everyone here ,I too have been there and have not recovered from the loss of Lena and Toby,even thou its been a number of years.Hugs for you and a:candle:for Abby R.I.P:hug2:

[Camilla]

:hug2: Toni. I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not second guess ourselves. We can only do what we can do in this world, and it has to be enough. You are a loving doxi mom and you did the best you could. The dogs cannot speak to you and tell you what is wrong, and in return we can't react immediate when we don't KNOW. Sending lots of big :hug2: to you and may the love of your friends and family lift you up and ease your sorrow. We're all standing right beside you!