Weeweeniekennel
08-08-2008, 04:50 PM
ANGULATION - Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to
impress judges
BALANCE - a) How to arrange the checkbook so your husband won't know how
much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done
in the bathroom with the door locked;
b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats, and
entry form all at once.
BITCH - a) Proper name for a female dog;
b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe a
female dog.
BLIND RETRIEVE - When you can't see the toy under the furniture.
CGC - Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe (aka GAS)
COAT - The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week
before the Specialty show.
CRABBING - What you do when the judge doesn't like your dog.
DAM - a) A female dog with puppies
b) Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave
the ring.
DISTEMPER - Shown by those competitors who just lost to someone they can't
stand.
DOG - To chase a judge from show to show in an effort to attain more breed
wins.
DOUBLE BLIND - Finding two toys under the furniture.
ELBOW - Method of getting to rigside quickly when late.
EXPRESSION - 'Sweet' look adopted by hungry dogs while staring ravenously
at chunks of liver.
FANCIER - Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.
FORCE FETCH - Dog drops the toy under the furniture, scratches at the
carpet until you're forced to 'fetch' it.
FRONT - Part of the dog often facing outside of the ring.
GUARD HAIR - An activity in which one watches intently as the dog's hair
falls out, in clumps, just after entries are mailed.
HEEL - a) What you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold
to an eager novice;
b) Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf
dogs.
HOCK - A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as
wedding rings.
KENNEL - Where you go when the kids fight and your husband is in one of
his moods.
LITTER - Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog
show.
MASK - What to wear when you have to show your gorgeous pick of the litter
that fell apart a week before the show.
MUZZLE - What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from
calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.
NOSEPRINTS - Cute marks left all over your French doors.
OUTCROSSING - What your husband tells the minister you are doing out in
the kennel with the dog and the bitch.
OVERSHOT - Running so fast as to pass the 1st place ring marker and plow
into the judge and the stewards.
PEDIGREE - Dog food with lots of coupons.
POINTS - Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince
your spouse are more important than cash prizes.
PUPPIES - Small, dog like food processing machines with the ability to
stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies. (These
creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with
leaky systems, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)
QUALIFYING SCORE - Just the 170.5 you got in obedience today.
RIBBONS - What competitive exhibitors with distemper (see above) will cut
you into when your dog places over theirs.
SPECIALTY - Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing home dead cats or
chewing on walls.
TYPE - What your dog has.....if you turn down the lights and squint a
little.
UTILITY - The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs.
impress judges
BALANCE - a) How to arrange the checkbook so your husband won't know how
much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done
in the bathroom with the door locked;
b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats, and
entry form all at once.
BITCH - a) Proper name for a female dog;
b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe a
female dog.
BLIND RETRIEVE - When you can't see the toy under the furniture.
CGC - Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe (aka GAS)
COAT - The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week
before the Specialty show.
CRABBING - What you do when the judge doesn't like your dog.
DAM - a) A female dog with puppies
b) Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave
the ring.
DISTEMPER - Shown by those competitors who just lost to someone they can't
stand.
DOG - To chase a judge from show to show in an effort to attain more breed
wins.
DOUBLE BLIND - Finding two toys under the furniture.
ELBOW - Method of getting to rigside quickly when late.
EXPRESSION - 'Sweet' look adopted by hungry dogs while staring ravenously
at chunks of liver.
FANCIER - Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.
FORCE FETCH - Dog drops the toy under the furniture, scratches at the
carpet until you're forced to 'fetch' it.
FRONT - Part of the dog often facing outside of the ring.
GUARD HAIR - An activity in which one watches intently as the dog's hair
falls out, in clumps, just after entries are mailed.
HEEL - a) What you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold
to an eager novice;
b) Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf
dogs.
HOCK - A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as
wedding rings.
KENNEL - Where you go when the kids fight and your husband is in one of
his moods.
LITTER - Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog
show.
MASK - What to wear when you have to show your gorgeous pick of the litter
that fell apart a week before the show.
MUZZLE - What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from
calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.
NOSEPRINTS - Cute marks left all over your French doors.
OUTCROSSING - What your husband tells the minister you are doing out in
the kennel with the dog and the bitch.
OVERSHOT - Running so fast as to pass the 1st place ring marker and plow
into the judge and the stewards.
PEDIGREE - Dog food with lots of coupons.
POINTS - Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince
your spouse are more important than cash prizes.
PUPPIES - Small, dog like food processing machines with the ability to
stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies. (These
creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with
leaky systems, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)
QUALIFYING SCORE - Just the 170.5 you got in obedience today.
RIBBONS - What competitive exhibitors with distemper (see above) will cut
you into when your dog places over theirs.
SPECIALTY - Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing home dead cats or
chewing on walls.
TYPE - What your dog has.....if you turn down the lights and squint a
little.
UTILITY - The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs.