My Snuggie Wuggie

[SnugglesMommy]

On Monday August 25, 2008 I had to put my 10-year-old sweetie Snuggles to sleep due because she had become paralyzed. That Saturday night the 23rd I had been down in my basement on the computer and when I came upstairs she was in the middle of the floor dragging her back legs. There was no forewarning or anything. Then Sunday she wasn’t moving at all and had lost control over her bladder. She was so out of it and she kept staring up at the ceiling and holding her head back with her eyes closed like she was in pain and trying to find some comfort. It was so heartbreaking to see her like that because I didn’t know what to do for her to help her feel better. On that Sunday night when she refused food, I knew that things were really bad. Monday the 25th, I took her to our normal vet and they did some tests and then referred me to a neurologist to see if she had lost all deep feeling in her limbs. Well, she did. The vet told me that the most humane thing that I could do for her was to put her to sleep, because I could not afford the $6000 spinal cord surgery which only had an 80% success rate. I made the hard decision of putting her to sleep because as a graduate student working part-time with a car note, undergrad loan, and other bills, there was no way that I could afford a $6000 surgery. I feel so horrible and cry a lot even though it’s almost 5 months now. I feel a lot of guilt because I feel like I should have done more to help her, but financially I was not able. Then on top of that, I didn’t even request her ashes. I had her mass cremated, again because of my financial situation. I feel like I just threw her away, like the 10 years that she was with me were nothing. I didn’t even stay with her when they euthanized her because I just couldn’t bear to watch. I really beat myself up about this whole thing and spend time thinking about the shoulda would coulda’s even though there is no way to go back and change anything. I just wish there was a way to let her know just how much I loved her and that if I could I would have done all I could to help her. I still can’t believe she’s gone!!

[DixieDoodle]

Oh you poor baby!!! PLEASE don't beat yourself up!!!! You did what you could for your sweetie! It is easy to start with the "what ifs" and "I should haves", but they will get you nowhere but misery! You have to realize you did what you thought was right at that time!
I do understand your pain. We had to put our "Champ" to sleep a little less than 2 years ago and I still get choked up thinking about it. It is a horrible decision to make...but many of us do and we just go on... as hard as it is you will get through it.
Please know that you are not alone and we are here to lend a sympathetic ear and just be a friend when you need one:0210:.
I will pray you find peace in your heart and let go of your guilty feeling:pray:.
R.I.P. Snuggles

[LUVMYGUNNER]

Oh this is sad.
RIP little one:candle9:

[Tucker's Mom]

Aaawwww:hug2::hug2: I'm so sorry for your loss. :dbb_welcome: You've come to a place of understanding, dachsie loving people and we're here for each other. So glad that you've joined our family.

I can tell how much you are hurting over circumstances that you can not change.:sorry: We all have the would've, could've, should've times in our lives that we wish we could somehow erase.

You did the best that you could at that time, financially and emotionally. That's all that anyone could ask of you. You didn't "throw your baby away". You took her in for care and were advised by your vet.

You cared for Snuggles for 10 years and she knew how much you loved her during that time. She would not want you to continue to agonize over this, I'm sure. I hope that someday soon you will be able to think of Snuggles and smile - remembering the wonderful times that you had together.

R.I.P. Snuggles.:candle:

[doximom]

Most of us have been in your shoes, we lost our Baby Tinker Belle at the age of 9 to a disease GME there are so many things I still ask myself to this day and I do not talk about it alot, but there is not a day that gos by I do not miss her, and I always will. We lost her and 3 days later we rescued a boy from the HS. About 3 days later he looked at me & I knew she sent him to us, the signs were there. Take care we are here for you.

[Squirt]

:candle: rest assure Snuggles knew how much she was loved! I had to do the same for my best bud Squirt in July...doesn't matter what the situation is it still hurts and you'll still have doubts about your decision. I take comfort in the fact that my old Vet told me that "you sure did well with that old girl". You have to believe that snuggles knew she was loved and is waiting to kiss you just across the bridge...

[Dogmother]

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I too have been a victim of the mental torture that a person can put themselves through with the woulda, coulda, shoulda's. Know that you did your absolute best for her and that you loved her well and she loved you right back. You had 10 wonderful years with each other and you should try to focus on that rather than the sad ending. I hope that soon you will be able to think of her with smiles remembering the good times rather than with tears dwelling on the end.

Terri

[CheddarsMom513]

I am so sorry for you loss. This is a very supportive group. We will all be here for you. Everyday I still think of my sweet cat Tigger that I had for 17 years. When my mom and I made the decision to put him to sleep it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I still think of what could have I done, should I have done something different. I know that Tigger knew he was loved and he wouldn't want us to be sad. Your sweet Snuggles will always be in your heart. Dachsies don't want the hoomans to be sad, just think of the happy memories and all the things Snuggles did to make you smile. She will be waiting for you at the Bridge.

[gunther's mom]

I really do know what you mean about the guilt, as I once gave away a Cocker Spaniel when i moved into a place that would not take dogs. But, really, it sounds like you loved your Snuggles so very much and that you did the best you could at the time. I really do feel so bad for people who cannot afford very expensive care.. what's a person to do? Snuggles' little doggie soul will be with you and you will know that all is well.

[SnugglesMommy]

Thank you all so much for welcoming me to the board and also for all of your kind words! I'm so glad that I found this site last night because I was in one of my crying moods. People often times treat me as though I'm crazy for getting upset over my loss and tell me to "just get over it", "it's just a dog" or "just get another one." But I'm so thankful that there are other people who understand how I feel because they have been through it too :hug2:

[Suzanne R]

I'm so sorry for your loss! Been there, done that. As mentioned, you did the best you could under the circumstances, and I guarantee Snuggles knows that. Snuggles is in a place of pure love. Please stop beating yourself up - it won't change anything, and at the time, you did the best you could, even with a vet's advice! My deepest condolences on your loss. :candle: :hug2::hug2:

[LUVMYGUNNER]

I lost a basset 20 years ago, while I could affort his care, there are many regrets on my part, and there isn't a day I don't think of him. He was not part of the family like G&P, it realy bothers me to this day.

[ImJustWingingIt]

As you can see, so many of us have been exactly where you are right now. We went through what sounds like the exact set of circumstances with our Prissy in August/September, 2007. We were awakend during the wee hours of the morning by her horrible, pain-filled cry and found her dragging her back legs. We kept her crated even after we were told by a vet that she would never regain feeling or control over her bladder, bowels, and legs. We just KNEW that there was something there and that she'd come around. She just got worse, and the night before we decided to have her put to sleep, it honestly looked as if she had tears in her little eyes, begging us to put her out of her misery. We were heartbroken and still, I cry when I think about her.

The thing that bothers me about what people have told you is this:

People often times treat me as though I'm crazy for getting upset over my loss and tell me to "just get over it", "it's just a dog" or "just get another one."

You are grieving over an extremely important "person" in your life, whom you have lost. Grief is real, even if it is for, "just a dog." We love our little ones as if they are our own children, and in a manner of speaking, they are. We bathe, feed, care for them when they're sick, cuddle them when they want and when we need the sweetness of cuddling, we take them to the doctor, love them, we do everything for them and they in return are loving, loyal, and extremely dependant on us for everything. They are like small children.

Whomever is telling you that Snuggles was, "Just as dog," is only looking at the body in which she lived, and that was the body of a dog. But there is much, much more there. There is a living being who brings us so much companionship and love, not to mention happiness. Yes, they can also bring us frustration, but so can our human children!!!!! These people, apparently, have never allowed themselves to be drawn in by the trusting eyes of a little four-legged creature. They probably enjoy them, but have never really "loved" them.

Allow yourself time to grieve.

[Suzanne R]

Very well said, Beverly!

[doxi1myheart]

How we all understand. I still blame myself and beat myself up over Miss Pickle almost daily. I don't want to sound harsh about what a body does with a pupper's remains after they pass,but don't fret that either. When dogs (just like us) pass they are rewarded for the contents of their souls,not the contents of the shell that carried them through this life. I am sure that if your sweet furbaby could speak to you right now,you'd be pleaded with to not cry,hurt..to know that Snuggie is in a place of awesome love and happiness. Whoever says "it's just a dog"? Well,those are the ones that we should pity and pray for because they have never known the awesome power of a dog's love. It is so much better than human's (no conditions on their love). Sending :hug2: to you and :pray: that you will see that Snuggie is in paradise,and your broken heart will be mended:hug2:

[LUVMYGUNNER]

Maybe what you can do, is put her collar and favorite toy, a picture of her, in a pretty tin, until you can affort a cute wooden box, to keep her memorable things in.
www.petedge (http://www.petedge) has some cute cremation boxes for under 20 dollars--maybe a friend, your parents could get it for you for a B-day, X-mas gift and you can keep her stuff in there, --I know you don't have her remains, but this would be the next best thing. This way you will always have part of her with you. The boxes are very nice and you can display them.

[Heidi's Pam]

:cry: I have tears in my eyes after reading your post - I can feel the pain that you are still suffering over your decision. :0204: As someone else has said Snuggles would not want you to continue to suffer over your decision - I'm sure she would rather have you remember the loving and fun times that you shared together. You did absolutely everything that you could for her with what you had at the time and I'm sure that's all she would have asked of you.

We absolutely do understand how you are feeling and I can only think that people who feel it was 'just a dog' are truly missing out on a wonderful relationship with their pet that we can appreciate. I know that my pups give me a whole other form of love from my family and friends and it truly enriches my life in so many ways. I feel sorry for people who don't have this amazing bond in their lives.

Snuggles is now pain free and I know that you will be reunited some day. We'd love to see some pictures of her if you would care to share them with us.:rainbowbridge:

I'm glad to have you join us and hope that being here has brought you some comfort :hug2: :hug2:

[Julian&MistyMom]

I'm so sorry. :sorry: All hearts here, are full of sadness and ache for your loss.

Hugs for you.

[Ribbit]

Sorry for your loss. You were a good friend to her and now she has no pain.

[Louise56]

Dear SnugglesMommy, so sorry for your lose and pain>Trying to type through tears because I feel your heart breaking>your heart would be no less broken if you had all the money in the world.
When my little Joey went down, I rush him to our Vet and within 4 hours we were at a orthopedic surgeon.
Thousands of dollars spend on surgery and he still had to be euthanized.
Had never heard of IVD, if I had only known what I know now. >
Going to send you a pm with a pet loss web site that help me cope.

[Jaxmom]

I had a very similar situation to yours... This past July I had to say goodbye to my little Jasper because he had a ruptured disk in his neck and I could not afford the $5,500 surgery that "might or might not" have helped him. I still feel guilty and it is a true nightmare when we have to make that decision. Is just doesn't seem right or possible that we should lose these dogs we love because of finances. I always took excellent care of him...for 11 years...and then this happened. All I know is that I didn't want him to suffer anymore. So...we do what we can for our beloved dogs, but sometimes we can't do all that we'd like and it's heartbreaking. I miss him terribly.

Snuggles knows that you love her and she wouldn't want you to be sad. I think the best way to honor our dogs is to simply keep them close in our heart and remember all the love and joy they gave us. I have a wooden box that I had made with a tile type photo picture of Japser on top. I keep his collar and some of his special things in there. It's right on my nightstand near my bed and every night I silently tell Jasper "I love you, buddy." It has been 6 months now since I lost him and it still hurts incredibly. I know it will take a long, long time to heal. Not sure I will ever lose the guilt I feel.

I now have a new puppy. I'm glad that I'm able to give her a good home and I got a job and am saving just in case... The more I save, the more I feel at peace with her future needs, should I ever be in that situation again. She's wonderful, but the hurt and loss of Jasper is ever present. It just seems like a nightmare that I can't change.

Please know how very sorry I am for your loss. So many of us have been there. :grouphug:

[SnugglesMommy]

You all are truly wonderful people! I sincerely mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much for the encouraging, kind, warm words. I feel alot better.

I would love to share some photos of her, but since she's been gone, I've had a bit of trouble even looking at any photos without crying, so it may take me a while to post some.

Louise56 I rec'd your PM. Thanks so much for sending. It's quite ironic that the day of Snuggles departure, that was actually a website that I had found through Yahoo to help deal with my grief, but I had forgotten which site it was.

[MomToMazzy&More]

I am so sorry to hear about your precious Snuggles. It is heart breaking to lose one our our family members. Some people just don't understand that we DO think of our pets as part of our family. But as you can see, we here on this site, do understand.
:sorrow: for Snuggles.