Never Say Never Again

[Mark]

Lone Wolf here . . .

This is our new, hooman-proof Com Center . . .

Communications here will be safe.

Keep up the good work agents . . . DWD is at our pad-tips.

[willsana]

Dis bein' Agent Little Bird, Records Officer DWD.

As yous have so many times before, Lone Wolf, yous has found a safe Haven for our ranks to communicate. Keep up the good works.

Dis Officer looks forward to readin' all 'ports of DWD Agents 'n' AIT's.

Agent Little Bird, ober 'n' out.

Shiny, Let's be Dachshunds. :gun:

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here at the safe spot. In fact I has hid unner the covers as we have had a very scary phenomenon around here. We had several large orange heads that glowed and the squirrels, well, became cannibals it seems. This is too much for me to digest- all this paranormal activitee....
But let me add a word to a few agints. First off, Agint Squeek, if those pheromonies work for yu ,send some for my hoomom. she could use some.
And Agint SC- oh boy- dats too bad -but sometimes nature is funny and maybe yer natural instinct kicked in. My guess is that hoomom will eventually unnerstand. See, i had a brudder Jake a terrier. I must confess I was nebber overly fond of him, and he of me. We kinda co-existed. It seemed to be nature's way. Give yer hoomom a kiss for me.:hearts:

[Double Trouble]

Dis be AIT's Monkey n da Mudpuddle! Boy has we gotz mishun weports!

Firsts, AIT Monkey here. I gave a good hard chase n bited da ebil carpet dwagon! Mumma was uzin' it to do sumfin cawed bacuming. I hates dat ting! I bited it hard. Den it made a louder noises and I had to hide frum it. Mumma laffed but I fink I skeerd it good!

Second, AIT Mudpuddle here. My brudder sayz I dint do nuffin to weport but I fink tis impodant! I sweeped in da big bed wif my hooman!!! Dis time I did it wifout piddlin!!

Dats our mishuns today.

[Madison's Mom]

Excellent werk AIT's Mudpuddle and Monkey. The fwoor dwagon can be a most noisy creeter and must be muzzled. I, Squeek, had the pwiviwege of silencing our fwoor dwagon when I was a much younger Squeek. I bitted its tail clean off of its body. Fankfully, the dwagon was not pwugged in or I could have gotten an unschedulted permememement. Dwagon had to go to the fwoor dwagon hostipital and have a new tail sewn on but I silenced him a little while anyway. Keep up the bold good work of dwagon swaying.

AIT Mudpuddle, how excellent! I, Squeek used to sweep in da big bed but now I sweep on the fwoor big bed. Agent Waggy Tail sweeps in her cwate and will NEVER let me in when she's in there.

We are happy to weport to this new top secwet pwace. WONG WIV DwD!

Agent Waggy Tail here. Just a wee report. We don't like this new time change as it has made our supper one hour late. We are NOT happy at all.

Squeek and WT out to go hound our Mommy to FEED US. We are STARVING!

[Caidanbi]

This is AIT Random Task reporting. It has been a long time since my last report. As you have probably noticed, I have been using the time to improve my English ^-^ I think this will help me better understand and manipulate the humans.

On the day called "Halloween", momma and grandma spoiled me with extra treats all day long! And in the evening lots of strangers came to the door. At first I wasn't happy with that, but they were all saying such nice things about me, so I let it slide.

I have finally convinced momma that it is better to hold me at the computer than it is to be holding the pens and paper like she usually does. I do not know how long this will last however, because she is already talking about starting another book! *sigh* I'm going to be extra cute now, hopefully I can talk her out of it. Although she says if she makes money from her books she can buy me stuff. So maybe I'll let her work on it just a little.

Since the weather cooled off there has been a large decrease in lawn dragon sightings, although they have not disappeared altogether. There was also an evil street dragon the other day! (momma calls them "street sweepies") They are so loud, and they shake the floor. They are very scary. Do any of you have street dragons where you live, or is this just a local phenomenon?

I'm glad we have a new, safe place to share our reports. Over and out...

[LaurieE]

Ajint Southawn Comfawt heah --

It's been about a month but Ah think ma hoomama has finally fuhgiven me. Ah kept pestawing haw and pushing ma way onto haw lap until she couldn't wesist me any maw. She's even stawted talking to me again.

SC out --

[Dogmother]

Montana Marauders wepowtin in.

We habs a big mishun to wepowt. Hodaddy is on bay cay shun fer 2 weekz. He haz been home ebry day so far and we wikes it. We git mommy up at brekfust time and gobble are brekfust, den we go bak and gits in da big bed wif daddy til he gits up. It is berry nice.

Today hoomom and hoodad tuk us in moms van and we went to da park, dere is dukz in dat dere park. We fink dat dukz are da gweatest tings in da wurld to bark at. Wen we barkz at dem dey make a funny noyz bak at us. Den we went fer a walk. AIT Puppinator and AIT Community Doxie (CD) wode in da stwoller and da rest ub us walked on leeshez. We had a wunnerful time. We met wots of kidz and got pets and lubs and mommy eben gave dem some tweets to gibs us. We wuz berry happee.

Montana Marauders
sining owt.

[wigglebutt68]

AIT bug-b-gone reporting!

have I ever had da big mishun! My hoomom has been doing da costume torture on me alot dis month! She has been twying hard to get da secrets out of me! Dey tookded me to some place called a T.B. stayshun. Dey tried to humiliate me by dressing me up in da cleopuptra costume and dey had me under these hot glaring lights. Dey had two hoomans in front of me and dey had these giant guns pointed at me. Da scariest part of all was these 2 hoomans called ankors-dey was all scary like wif their thick makeup. You ajints would be proud-I didn't give up da secrets of the DWD!!! The T.B. stayshun gave my hoomom 250$ to go to Moochie's to buy more humiliating costumes and instuments of torture. Try as they might-I will not do da talking!

AIT BUG_B_GONE

[Meekie]

Ajint Chowhound wrepoting...We finds da new comm center!!!! Da trees here have throwed thier clothes all over da ground again this year! I has been snuggling under da blankies lots waitly. So not many mishchin to wreport on.

Ajint WigglyButt here... The Hogrammy was upset cause I would use da ramp on da deck to go up but use the steppies to go down. It was so much fun you could run real fast and jump off da last two of them at once. But she didn't like that so my homommy and one of the littler homans with a little help from the hopapa made a gate for the steppies on da deck. I am nots happy bout it at all!! Now I has to use da old ramp to come up and go down! But Hogammy is happy so I guess it is alright.

Ajints Chowhound and WigglyButt over and owt.

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here- In a state of Frenzy.... It seems as if all the RAMS escaped from my hoomom's computer and new ones won't go in. I is havin' a hard time communicatin till the Winnows 7 comes here.
If you don't hear from me, remember I lives in Smallbunny NY down the street from the Hooman Hospital for Saint Peter.
Agint WigglyButt- i too have been showing my athletic prowess. Just yesterday I clumb up my mother's lazy susan and derived a bag of dental treats. For an almost 16 yr old hound,dats pretty good, no? I suspect your hogrammy is like my hoomom allas worrien about my back.
And AIT Bug-B- Gone... Better you than me in dat cleopuptra outfit....but i would make a good Caesar, I think being a handsome dude that I am.
Please send me new computer rays... can't stand it anymore. And please,tell me where did those RAMS go.. do you have any at yer houses?

[Double Trouble]

Dis here is AIT Monkey and I is needin' hewp! My mudder keeps frowin' me in da baff! I hab had TWO! Her sayz I gotz to hab dem a wot wite now! Her gonna frow me in da baff agin on sumfin cawd Munday and den agin on sumfin cawd Terdsday! Ebber week fer a monfth! Oh teh noooooooooos! And, AND!!! Her tooked me to da beternariam! Dey stikked a fing dat was swipperwy and code in mys BUTT! Dey say it wuz fer my tempershur? *Sigh* I hab a rashes. Hewp me fink of a misshun to sho my not happy? Fanks in abdance!

Dis here be AIT Mudpuddle. I gots to say I are gwad dat I is NOT da baffin' one! Dat wud suk! I hab had a mishun! I hided mudders shew unner da couch! I maked her wook fer ebber and ebber for I hewped her fine it!:laughitup:

[gunther's mom]

Dis is Adbisor Putty wishing all the agints a Happy Belated Thanksgiving. I was a sleepy Putty just for a bit secondary to the tryptophan in the bird....
But bein' awake now, I must tell AIT Monkey not to worry. Monkey,come to my house, you hardly ever need to worry about a Baff.
I must have special genes as I rarely gets stinky.....if you give me yer address I'll see if I can find some non-stinky genes for you.:laughitup:

[Double Trouble]

Dis here is AIT Monkey. I not stinky!!! I did hab a rashes. Now I got no rashes but da baffs, dey dint stop! Mudder says a monfth! Dat means a nudder week! I are a sad sad boy.

In udder news...our home moved! I are so cumfuzed! We did lib ober der! Now we lib in dis pwace but itz only acwoss da way frum da udder pwace! Now howz a maw-abdusted peepo dawg `posed tew figger DAT out??? `N corze AIT Mudpuddo is purfict! He not no nuffin anyhow!

Heeeeeeeeeeeey! AIT Mudpuddle here. I knows zactly wut happen but I not care as wong as my same peepo am here. b'sides...I a good boy!

Now fer a mishun wepote. Since AIT Monkey did da most tawkin' befor n in dis here post so far, I git to tell abut mishuns!

AIT Monkey did dese mishuns...

Chased da carpet dwagon and bark a yot at it!
Pee'd on da carpet AND his own bwankie (ok so dat not a mishun, dat last bit is jest funny!)
dispears a yot in da new pwace and makes da peepo wook fer him. Hide n go peek...yep.

I (AIT Mudpuddle) did dese mishuns...
barked at ebbery stwanger at my gammie and poppa's howse. I bited at sumone cawd "Ant Maryetta". I pwotect my hooman gurl!
I not pottied in da big bed so I sleeped wif my hooman girl!

[Meekie]

Ajint Chowhound here.... First wez like to say congraduations to all da great mishuns goin on here!!! Poision drops has been fallin lots weightly! Theys berry cold too. Da trees hab lost all thier clothes now and they looks berry cold too. Da horseys hab been moved to da perimeter right across from our perimeter so wez can bark at them all da time now! Theys don't seem to hear us dough, theirs ears must be all plugged up!

This is Ajint WigglyButt now. Wez had great fun yesterdy with da Turkey Day Feast. Wez were good Ajints and used da stelth methods under da table and gets lots of good fud to eat. Silly homans drops so much specially da smaller ones! HE HE it was sooo easy we couldn't call it a mishuns, Thats all fur now.

Ajints Chowhound and WigglyButt signin owt !

[LaurieE]

Ajint Southawn Comfawt heah --

I dont know what ma hoomama wuz doin'. Shes been aktin' vewy stwange. Ahz beginnin' to dink dat she's sick. Fuhst she walks awound ma fenced awea then up da back steps and Ah runs tew ma food dish. Den Ah tuhn awound and she's walkin' back down da steps :faint: so Ah won tew da dahwa tew see wayah she's goin'. Den she tuhns awound and stawts tew walk back up da steps and agin Ah runs tew ma food dish. :crsfnger: Den back down she goes agin. Dis happened quite a few times. Ah wuz beginnin' tew dink Ah wuz neva goin' to git ma food. Finally she came in and gave me ma dinna. :happy030: Ahz vewy concuhned about haw. Dew yew dink she's ok?

SC out --

[gunther's mom]

Agint Southern Comfort- Adbisor Putty here reporting that my hoomom also does major perimeter walks especially in da summer. She has however, ceased to do these now. Meebe yer hoomom goes cwazy in da winter, and mine in da summer. Dats how I look at it. It shall pass.
And AIT Monkey- oh i must watch my words, i did not mean to imply that you was stinky... oh dear- I must look up my Emily Post manner book. I send you rashy rays.:rayz::rayz:
And Chowhound- my hoomoms had what I would call a large chicken for Thanksgiving....:D By the way, my hoomom loves horsies. And to have them nearby would be grand. But we lives across the street from hooman hospital and we would need their permission. Do you think it would be granted?

[Meekie]

Adbisor Putty this Ajint Chowhound I thinks da horseys would be allowed cause hoomommy says that ridin them keeps her sane, what eber that means. She is happy when she comes back from ridin on thiers backs. So they must be good! We has some strange lookin things in our area now. Hoodaddy calls them chickens but hoomommy says they is Gin-knee birds. They makes da funniest noises and they don't seem to be fraid of ours barks.

Ajint WigglyButt here...those gin-knee birds is going to get it one of these days. They is going to come in our perimeter and wez goin a get them. I thinks they will taste like chicken cause hoopoppa calls them that. We is keeping a close watch on the perimeter fors them.

Ajints Chowhound and WigglyButt ober and wout

[gunther's mom]

Alright Agint Chowhound. Dis is Adbisor Putty. I shall tell my hoomom that horsies are allowed near the Hospital of St Peter, esp since dey have no mental health unit.
By the way- HEP:help2: in my older age I think I am losing my snoot abilities. When I wuz takin a walk tonight I started going into the State Twoopers dwiveway. .. not my own (altho I wuz on a leesh). Generally I head stratight for my own home. Any snoot adbise welcome.:laughitup:

[gunther's mom]

Hep, hep... da wind is blowin' the roof off hooman house I think. I haf to suspect that some silver birds will be grounded too.
Hey lookit agints and AITS, let me know bout yer winter missions.
By the way I am now a 16 year old Adbisor Putty. I gots wunnerful presents from Zoey's mommy and she eben sent me some birthday presents.But the bestest was da treats...
Tell me of yer favorite pwesent.

[Dogmother]

Adbisor Putty, dis here be da Montana Marauders, happy to finally be full ajints, ceptin of course AIT's Pupperoo and CD (Community Doxie) since they have both been in training less than a year. AIT Pupperoo wants to changer her name to AIT Mesitopholes since she thinks she is evil and a harvester of souls. Hoodaddy calls her Satahn because she likes to kill bugs, and wants to kill the hummerbirds in the summertime. Plus she rips the squeekies out of all of our stuffies and hides them from all of us in a little pile back behind the couch (she is the only one small enough to fit back there). Daddy says that she thinks their souls are in the noise makers of them and that is her sould collection. hee hee

Inneehow we gots lots of mishuns to wepowt bouts. First before the Krismus mommy went away for awyle and tookted us wif her but den she stayed wif are hoosister Amanda and talked to daddy and all of us but AIT CD and Ajint Chocolate Pie stayed wif her. She finawy commed home right befor Krismus and we was soooooo happy. While she was at hoosisters house Ajint Chocolate Pie met lots of new peepulz and conquered dem all wif his charm and dashing good looks. AIT CD made peepulz cwy when dey herd her story and saw how happy she iz now.

As fer our favorite prezents, Santa Paws sended us a huge box filled with toys, treats, and blankies for us. In dat box was a mailman stuffie and he has floppy arms and legs and we all love to beat him up. Eben dou in real life we lubs our mail lady cuz she bwings us prezzies sometimes. Also before da Kwismus hoomom went to lots of craft shows to sell her burrow bags and at most of dem dey let her bring a doxie wif her to show how dey werked. Usually Ajint Big Mama went as she is the fwendliest wif stwangers and lubs eberywun. We konkered many more peepulz by doing dat. So we are slowly but steadily taking over da State of Montana for doxies eberywere. We all got very nice fleece blankies too but our coonhound sister Sarah kind of stoled all of them. Mommy had them all laying around on the furniture and in the doggy beds for us and Sarah took dem all one at a time in her mouf and putted dem on da cowch den she made dem all but herz into a nest and pillow for her den she layed down on dem and layed dere staring and yelling at mommy and daddy to come cover her up. Daddy thought it was berry funny da she did it so we are nice to her since she is old and let her use our blankies for now be we will use dem when we needs dem.

Montana Marauders sineing owt.

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here- me thinks that this giant tree in the house is gonna stay here forever. Hoomom silly busy and seems to have no intension of taking it away. Anyone else seem to have a permanent addition of a tree wif silly things on it... in their living room.
Montana Maurauders- here is my belated "snif" as I think i might be correct in acknowledgin the passing of one of our agents. Pweese, I am an older Putty and cannot seem to correlate the name of the agent. I hope to be stating this in a respectful,lloving way....

[Dogmother]

We thank you so much Adisor Putty, Ajint Chocolate Pie did go to da Wainbow Bwidge wast Saturday. Mommy has been berry sad be sum ub her fwends gotted her a new AIT so we is twaining her now eben as we are sad for Ajint Chocolate Pie. We knows dat he has wots of fwends fwum here at da Bwidge but we cwy for us and how we miss him. We is happy for him to be in such a wunderful pwace but are hearts hurt at him not beeing here wif us innymore.

Montana Marauders sineing owt

[Mark]

There are 2 caring senior agents helping out . . . Wimpy and Susie . . . can't get much better than that!

[gunther's mom]

Oh-it is Adbisor Putty here. So it WAS our agent Chocolate Pie. Yes, one day we shall all have a grand mishun in hebbin, I knows that. But still I is sad that we lost our Pie. Now, my brudder in crime,Jake, the old scuzzy rat/fox terrier who went to hebbin at the ripe old age of 19- He will surely help Chocolate Pie around. Bein' a terrier he was not an official agent, but fwankly he wuz the very smartest dog ever known to man. He will help Pie,I knows it.

[gunther's mom]

Will someone be my Balentine? It is Adbisor Putty.
My hooparents no longer love me. I am convinced that they are trading me in. The reason I say this is this: Last night they were looking at my old purchase papers and laughed, wondering what i would go for now... I is heartbroken. Not loved.....

[Dogmother]

Putty, we is bettin dey still wubs you and were just laughing at the wunnerful memories you have brawt dem. Ajint Bit Mama thinks you is hansum and wood wub to be yer Balentine. She sez if yer hoomans reely don't wub you innymore you kin come wive wif us. We hab lots of woom and you and Big Mama can cuddle in the big bed like Balentines shood.

Montana Maruaders sineing owt

[Double Trouble]

Dis here is AITs Monkey n Mudpuddle. We's gots a kwezchun! What for is mudder gitten' da cawpet dwagon out n usin' it a WOT fur? We wike da us smew on da cawpet! We wike da us hairz on da cawpet awso! How kin we maked hur no more uses it?

[gunther's mom]

Dis is Adbisor Putty in a good mood having had a little bit of hooman chicken. So, yea I is gonna look up da pic of Agint Big Mama. Do tell me is she close to my age???What kind of Balentine should I send her. I is assumin' chocolates are off limits. I shall get da crewdit card and call 1 800-fwowerz and send her woses... pink or red, please adbise.
And AIT Monkey and Mudpuddle. Re the Carpet Dragon. Well ya can always come here -see our Carpet Dwagon tends to go in Hibernation. Does yours ebber do that? Now here's the odd thing, my hoomom has a baby baby carpet dwagon that does not sleep in da cave. For a baby dwagon, it is verry active.
My hoomom possibly has mild case of swine flu-she is a bit disoriented, which is noffin' new frankly-- oopps gotta go she might be looking over me shoulder.

[Dogmother]

My dear Balentine Putty. I am Ajint Big Mama, I is a lovely red dapple and am very sweet and kind. I lubs everyone and get lots of pets because of it. I is 4 years old but to me age doesn't matter if you reelly are compatible wif someone. Yes mommy won't let me have chocolates (darn it) Flowerz are bery nice. I like to smell dem. Here is a pitcure of me for you to look at.

http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s184/silverdapplebnt/Dachsies/Lexie/SANY0080.jpg

http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s184/silverdapplebnt/Dachsies/Lexie/DogsOct82008014.jpg

I hope you like to lay in the sunbeams when they come around. I don't much care for the snow, the summertime is the best time for me. In the spring time here we have way too much mud and when I go out my underneath gets muddy and darned if mommy doesn't give us rinse offs in the sink nearly every time we come in to get the mud off our tummies. Don't know why she won't let us up on the furniture until we are rinsed off.

Hope you have a good week and happy balentines to you my wunnerful balentine.

Ajint Big Mama

[gunther's mom]

Agint Big Mama, my lovely red eared Balentine. It is yer Balentine Putty wif black ears. If I kin git a flight on the silver bird I will come and smooch you on yer bootiful ears. They are so very nice. And my heart is warming up knowing that I do have a Balentine. An you are right, age is immaterial,- you would not believe how spry I am for my 16 years.
YIPPEEE I have a RED Balentine.....dwat, I can't find the little emoticons.....hearts to express my afektion....

[Dogmother]

Oh my dear Balnetine Putty, I would luv to nuzzle your handsum black earz for balentinez day. You just hop right up on that big silver bird and come and bisit me. I wood be berry happy to have you here. I know dat mommy wood too. Since she has been sick we hab all been laying on top of her on da cowch and she is very soft and squishy so you could help us all lay on mommy. :hearts::hearts::hearts: from me to my handsum balentine Putty.
:Valentine:
This is me and you my darling balentine.

:lovebomb::RainingHearts:

Big Mama

[gunther's mom]

Agints and AITs- Dis is Adbisor Putty. I have been watching the Olympics and I have Olympic feber. I am beggin my hooparents for a pair (oops a "quad" of skates) but they said nothing doing... Couldn't you see me on skates?
I want your answers. If you all had a chance what kind of Olympic athlete would you be?

[gunther's mom]

Hey-what's up all Agints. Did you all get buried under avalanche of snow? Or did the fewines get yer tongues?
Adbisor Putty, hearing something about Rabbit Transit. Any clues?

[wigglebutt68]

Hello Ajints,

this is AIT Bug-b-gone-there has been an attempt on my life!!! I have been twying to infiltrate da mafia of da chocolate hoo-man, Don Kendall. he is guarded 24/7 by a 3 big goons. All da time he tries to bribe the secrets of the DWD from me -foolish sneaky chocolate hoo-man! his main mob maul, Cleo, is very jealous of my svelte doxie figure and big chest. She always be looking at me all squinty eyed-doing da evil planning. Da udder morning, when i was in the yard for my daily constitution, I was sucker nipped from behind. I yelled and rolled over to see da evil mob goon cleo headed strait for me! the way to my hoomom was blocked by da udder goon Lexie, so i randed under the car where da chubby goons couldn't get me. They kept yelling at me , saying I knew too many secwets. Den, I heard my hoomom calling and I jumped into her arms and we dashed for da house. Da evil Lexie tripses my hoomom and Cleo grabs me. I thought I was one dead weiner. All of da sudden there came the rare cry of da super hoomom! Super hoomom picks up da goon and teaches her how to fly!
We only had seconds before da goon reached us so we decided to work together. Super hoomom sheilded me wif her body while I peed on my self and hoomom, knowing da smell would chase dem away! All of da sudden, da goon was gone! I heard hoomom say dat Don Kendall called her away so dey could hatch anuddder evil plot! Phffffft-I knowded it was da pee!!!! All ajints, pweeze be on the lookout for da evil goons!
down but not out!!!!
AIT BUG-B-GONE

Adbisor putty-do I gets da hazard pay for dis mishun?

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here, having trouble wif my paws on new computer again. YES Agint Bug-B Gone. i hear ya. But I think I must take exception wif your takin a lot of cwedit here. So wif that said, I deem that yer hoomom get a Metal of Honer. You will get a Purple Heart collar wif George Washington on it (I think dats correct).
I wuz shakin' in my tan boots upon hearin' yer story. I can only relate in that I wuz bit by a puny Jack Russell once and dat wuz trauma enough. Had to go to room of doom to help a mild infection.
As i think this through-yea, da pee pwobly hepped, but still Metal of Honor--- to hoomom.:pray::pray:for bwave hoomoms.

[Dogmother]

Bug b gone di is Big Mama wepwesenting all ub da Montana Marauders. We is happy you iz stiww awibe. We gots to agree wif my balentine Putty doh youz mama dezerbs da Metal ub Honer. Youz waz berry bwave too and da pee twick...pwicewiss. We must aww add dis to our doxie aresenal. We iz aww just happy dat you and youz mama iz ok. We wood be sad to not git to see picshurs ub you in your wunnerful owtfits. When youz mama lotteries dem away we awayz put sum ob are namez in the pot too since we hab 4 girlz here dat is bout da same size as you. Hope doze goons don't sucker nip you eber agin.

Montana Marauders sineing owt

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here. I am gonna make this short and sweet because I is tired. I helped hoodad get rid of Lions in da grass today. Yes, they have yellow faces just like the Lions in da Serengeti.
And for my brave mishun... I get a dental treat hrmphhhh.:sorry:
News needed of spring mishuns...

[Dogmother]

Oh Putty hab we gots a spring misshun for you. Ebery spring we get skonks. Skonks are icky and stinky lil varmints. Wif da way our doggy area is fenced off they can't get in it, but a skonk go in da naybors yard last Wensday and blew it's stink all over Hopie, der dog. We thot that was funny bekuz Hopie is are enemy. He comes to are fence and digs and barks mean at us so we bark back and den we get scolded for yelling at the idiot. Anywho back to da skonks. It came in the rest of are yard and back by are bedroom window on Toosday and Wensday, it left a powerful stink back der and it wuz so bad it woked up mommy and daddy at 5 am. We wuz happy bout dat part cuz it stinked so bad that mommy got up cuz she koodent sleep with the stink, and made us breakfast early. yay early food. Are daddys mommy finally cot the skonk in a trap (it was living under her shop) and now it is in stinky skonk heebben. I wonder if skonks go to the same bridge we do. If they do I hope the stink is gone. The akshully look like they would be fun to play with if they weren't so stinky. The reason the skonk went to hebben is bekuz it was eeting the naybors chikenz. It seems like ebry spring we gitz a skonk that eetz the chickenz and den it goes to hebben. Maybe duh skonks shud figger out not to eet da chikenz and it kud stay alive. Dis skonk was berry rude bekuz it killed 15 lil babee chikenz and 2 mommy chickenz in only 2 days, it didnt eben eet all of dem it jus killed dem.

Last time it was a weekend mommy and daddi stole part of your yard and made a raised terraced garden spot. Mommy put some viola's and pansies in one part and in another she put some lettus and radishes. Then she put up chiken wire so we kudent get in it anymore. How rude of her. It was so fun to go in it and dig and roll around. Now we can't play there inny more. Mean mommy.

Montana Maruauders
sineing owt

[gunther's mom]

Awrighty then- I knows all about skonks and you Montana Marauders have my symphony... umm sympathy..(you see my hoomom is a musician).. and I gets to hear them.
But I am off-course. And here is my major message.
" ALL SKONKS GO to hebben." Eben stinkly skonks.
I thinks it goes like this. Hebben is a majic place where all our vices (or assumed vices) sorta get taken away by some even more magic mishun.
SO, dear Montana Maurauders, dere will be stinkiness but it won't bodder you.

Your:pray: Reverend (oops)/Adbisor Putty

[gunther's mom]

Advisor Putty here. To announce that there is a new trend in da neighborhood. Hoomans abandoned their fud making machines that are in da kitchen. Thus, they are making fud on girls .. um grills. Dis is nose perfume....I was taken for many walkies today and it was hebbben to smell outside.
I is a bit worried in dat the hoomans are tlaking bout putting HOTDOGS on da grill. So far i haf not suffered da humiliattion of being called a H>D> What about you agints?:pray:

[wigglebutt68]

Hewwo Ajints,

Dis is AIT BUG-B-GONE and I need da help with a summertime threat! What is da white thing dat plays "pop goes da weasel" and has tons of kids blindly following it? I hab not seen any weasels popping out of it? Da hooparents do the laughing at me cuz as soon as I hear da weasel song, I run down the sidewalk barking at it! I know it's evil plot, I've seen it offering bribes to da kiddies. I'm assuming it's some sort of frozen weasel flavored treat. If you eat it, you become da weasel truck zombie and will follow it anywhere. Da kids in da nayborhood offer me licks of their weasel treats,but I will not become a weasel treat zombie!!! Is there any way to defeat it's evil plot? I think it's doing da psychological warfare too. It can't get da hooparents to eat da weasel treats so it keeps playing da weasel song over, and over,and over again. It drives da hoomom nuts. I heard her say dat if she hears da weasel song one more time, she's going to take da dwiver and stick a push-up where da sun don't shine! Any other ajints dealing with this threat dis summer?
AIT BUG-B-GONE

[Dogmother]

Oh Bug, those trucks are the most glorious thing ever. They are filled with ICE CREAM!!!! Reading your post about how it controls the human children makes me think that perhaps it would be instrumental in our world domination attempts. If we doxies gained control of ALL the ice cream trucks then we would have control of all the human children. If we get control of all the human children the big humans are next and not only that some day the children will be big humans and they will already be firmly indoctrinated in the facts of Doxie World Domination.


TODAY THE ICE CREAM TRUCKS........TOMORROW THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Agint Big Mama

[gunther's mom]

Agint Big Mama ( my lovely Balentine) and Bug B Gone. DRAT... i wrote a whole missive and lost it,maybe doggie alzheimers given my adbanced age.
Big Mama- you is a girl dog and should not be addling your brain wif conspiracy theories. Oh no-I sound chowvinistic...which I am not. I just want to pwotect my gal ...oh I am digging myself deeper.
And Bug B gone- What is wif yer hoomans? Mine would gladly chase a singing weasal for ice cream.
Just to add to the myster, our Samsung kitchen dragon sings when you open it for ice cream...like "ding ding ding", rather repetitive lyrics, I would say.

[Dogmother]

Oh my sweet Putty, I am just the brains behind the scheme. I would leave all the hard work to those able bodied boy dogs out there. While I am only 5 and still young by those standards, I feel I am much too old to be racing about trying to take control of Ice Cream Trucks. I would much rather lie around in the sunshine and dream of my handsome balentine Putty. I only came up with the ice cream truck idea because of Bug's story bout it. In our house the one that seems to be obsessed with world domination would have to be Ajint Mefistophales (AKA Pupperoo). She is very intent on world domination, and she is very excited bowt my ice cream truck idea. I would not be the least bit surprised to find out she has run up mommy's cell phone bill calling all doxies to action. (She's just that way you know) She can't help it she was born evil. hee hee hee

I hopes you is having a wunnerful summer time. We are just finally having nice weather here. We had sunshine 3 days in a row now and we haven't had sunshine for even two days in a row for over 7 weeks until now. All it has done is rain rain rain. But we is spost to have at least the next 10 days of sun so I am all up for working on my tan.

Ajint Big Mama

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here... my hoomom is threatening to throw me in the goat pen at the Sartoga Fairgrounds. I sneaked over her shoulder and I think she is critiquing my newly found singing voice.I may be almost 17, but I have now learned that I am a coloratura soprano.....and it WORKS for tweets. And My balentine, Big Mama, it will work for ice cream if you follow my lead.

[Dogmother]

Putty, my balentine, I bet your singing voice is beautimus maximus. I don't think your mama likes your new voice very much though. Maybe you should try a new tact for tweets. My sister Sarah the coonhound is 14 and she can make the best puppy face in the world, she kind of perks her ears a little but and puts just the right tip to her head and then stares eagerly at whatever it is she wants. IT WORKS. I would love to hear your singing voice but I really think your mommy would like to not hear it. Humans, they just don't understand. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you and your mommy can come to an agreement on how often you get to sing.

Ajint Big Mamma and the Montana Marauders

[gunther's mom]

Oh oh- It's Adbisor Putty- The suitcase sign is out again. This always means I nebber get my fud on time. There is a nice man that my hooparents rent to feed me, but it is not at my usual time. I am a very picky Putty- my fud must be essactly at the same time or I goes bonkers. HEPP- agints, I send you my cwedit card so you kin come and feed me.
I hear that hoomom is going to H.S. reunion and they asked HER to sing the Alma Mater. I think that is hysterical.....I AM THE ONE who should be singing... as you know it is a talent of mine, right?:Sun2:

[gunther's mom]

AWERT AWERT- It is Adbisor Putty to Agint Big Mama and other ajints. Lets get our cell phones together to arrange for PARTI for Big MAma's hoomom on her success in skool.
I am not so good wif mom's cellphone.. thank God is is not a new fangles smartfone.
What should we bwing for tweets.. I have alphabet cookies but no algebra cookies, i hear that there is a need for this. My hoomom has a recipe book for statistics as she took yes, four statistics recipe courses. Way back in the Middle Ages.

[Dogmother]

Oh Putty a Parti would be so fun. I will see what we can do here. Mom will really like that. She is about to dash out the door today to pick up the grandkids to babysit so I will check back in a bit later one.

Your red
Balentine
Big Mama

[gunther's mom]

Allright agents and AITS.. It really is pwayer time. So put yer paws together and say a nice pwayer for our gone but certainly not forgotten Agent Sqeek. If my memeory (which is not good due to adbanced age) seves me correctly, agent Sqeek had a thing about carpet dwagons. Slayed them i believe.
And i haf to wonder if we lost an honorary Montana Marauder-figuring she may hav e helped out agents being a coonhound. They are the bestest help because they always smell good. i mean that very kindly- going to say pwayer now.:candle::candle::candle:

[Dogmother]

Thank you my handsome Putty, we did lose an honorary Ajint the other day. Sister Sarah helped us on lots of misshuns. We are also saddened by the loss of Ajint Squeek too. We remember stories of her and the carpet dragon. 7 doxie heads bowed in prayer here.

Your balentine Big Mama and the Montana Marauders

[Madison's Mom]

Agent WaggyTail 'portin' in. I have just perused the notes of recent posts from our loyal agents and I am sooooo humbled. I (sniff) was so touched that Agent Squeek has been remembered as a loyal and not-so-humble servant of DWD right to the end. Yep, I've heard all about the floor dragon and how she bit off its tail. I hate to admit it, but I don't go near the floor dragon. It's very LOUD and I, Waggy Tail, do NOT like anything LOUD.

Thank you again, my fellow Agents for remembering our dear Squeek. Even the white coats wrote a note to the hooparents and said what a "sweet but quirky girl" she was. Quirky. Yep that was her.

I have some 'ventures cooking, so I will try to write in more often. For now, I am very under the covers.

Out,
Agent Waggy Tail, whose tail always wags gaily.

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here.. Hrmpph. Hoomom is putting a lot of time in with the new Shepard from Germany across the street. He is a blond shepahd- honestly it does not get goofier. Mom always likes the blond guys.
I must make it brief. I , at almost 17 have been successful at obtaining deserts left by TRIMS.....ya'll know what I mean. Am I not amazing for my age!!!

[Dogmother]

Oh Putty my most handum balentine. It is good to hear your report, even about your silly mom and her affinity for blonds. hee hee I hope all is well with you and that you continue to be amazing.

Things have been different here now that mom is going to college. We were used to having her home with us most of the time and now she is gone most of the time. But she makes certain we all get play time and snuggle time with her every day. So I guess we can live with it. Daddy is home now more than mom and that is pretty fun because he lets us lick his plate off if he eats something (mommy says doggies can't have food after 6 PM so we don't get to lick her plates because they eat their dinner after 6) But daddy has cereal in the morning and we lick milk, then he goes to school for not as long as mommy, comes home has some lunch, lets us lick his plate, does homework, has a snack, lets us lick his plate the does stuff outside. So we get to lick lots of plate while mommy is gone. hee hee

hugs Ajint Big Mama

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here. My hoomom is taking a critters course online and she gots feedback from anudder stoodent who says that I am overly indulged. Now this gets me- just how mean do they want to be to an almost 17 year old dachshund. I IS NOT going to twaining at my age.. I deserve my INDULGMENT. Hrmphh. I will be pouting for awhile.

[Dogmother]

My Balentine, tell your mom to tell that student to go suck a rotten egg. You are not overindulged. You are a good dachshund and are well loved. Sounds to me like that person didn't know what they were talking about and knew very little about dachshunds. Every breed of dog needs to be treated a little differently just because of different breed characteristics, a person also needs to treat each dog differently according to it's personality and anyone that says differently is a dork. Mommy is a dog trainer and knows her stuff, and from all the posts she has ever read about you, you are treated just the way you should be treated. It is kind of sad how a person can take one little course with no hands on experience and then make judgements about other. grrrrrrrrrrr to them

Ajint Big Mama and the Montana Marauders

[Dackelfan]

Special Agent Magoo, Walter Magoo. You thought the DGB (close affiliate of the KGB) is dead ? Think again, comrades ! Four legged cells of St. Bernards have been seen infiltrating the butcher shop and we need to go into action a.s.a.p
My dear friends and fellow agents - time is of the essence. We need to save what's left in the freezer and wire the sausages !
http://www3.pic-upload.de/27.10.10/attbpess458y.jpg (http://www.pic-upload.de/view-7542661/9.18.10-WalterSecretAgentMa.jpg.html)

[gunther's mom]

Special Agent MAgoo- dis is Adbisor Putty. There is no question in my mind, and I have a very fine mind, that no one will detect you in yer mission, given your incredibly well tailored disguise. :laughitup:

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here, sending up SOS- I am outa here, leaving my hooparents. This is the ONE day I look forward to-i.e. Turkey. Every year, and I have had 16 of them i have gottn Turkey. This year,,PHOOEY lasagna, and GET THIS- a sauerkraut salad. It does not get any weirder than this. Please fellow agints, someone invite me for a decent Thanksgiving dinner. I is starving... there is no sadder dachshund in the whole wide world.

[Dogmother]

OH NO Putty, my sweet balentine, you better come to Montana and has some turkey burd here wiff us. We have some and maybe poo in yer moms shoe on da way out to let her know in no uncertain terms your displeasure with this lasagna and sour kraut salad. Pack warm we have lots of snow and it had been quite cold up here in Montana.

Maybe all of us should go see you in Albany. Since there are 7 of us we could put on quite the skit.

Agint Big Mama and the Montana Marauders

[gunther's mom]

Thanks for the invite. I betya i do not get anything other than my healthy food until my birf day.
Anyway- I have some Berry bad news... Adbisor Putty here needs DEFENSE. I kin no longer hear da Carpet Dwagon and it gots close to me TAIL tonight. Please send da troops.Granted, there is nofing exciting in Albany NY except da stoopid politics of NY state. However, if we puts our minds to it we can do a skit....It would go over, ya gotta live here to understand.

[Dogmother]

Putty, my sweet balentine, my sister can't hear at all but she can feel the vibration of the carpet dragon through the floor because whenever mom turns it on she goes psychodog and races around like crazy until mom shuts it off. I wonder if the vibration tickles her feets? Maybe you should practice seeing if you can feel it through the floor when it is on.

We have the same situation up here in NW Montana, not a whole lot going on especially this time of year. Just lots of snow and cold. Hope you have a great Chrtistmas and a wonderful New Year

Ajint Big Mama and the Montana Marauders

[gunther's mom]

http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff167/spaniel_photo/IMG_0160.jpg
Alrright agents, this is Adbisor Putty needing' some adbise. I had referenced this green dachsie that came in da mail from SS (supposedly, though ya never know)... which is why I am asking if you think he/she could be in any way useful. I am,however, having a heck of a hard time waking him/her up... Friend or foe, huh> though I guess since it came from a redhead girl doxie, a really young one wif curly ears, that it is a potential friend. She is an agent here, but is on less, mainly because she is so busy being cute.
And OH- to my other redhead girlfriend, Merry Christmas........Big Mamma.:hearts:

[Dogmother]

Merry Christmas back to you handsome Putty. I think the green doxie that the lovely red head sent you is a friend. I bet you can carry it around and use if for a pillow for your handsome head. I have a very special friend that I carry around with me and use for a pillow..mostly so my younger sisters and brother don't rip it's stuffings out. Maybe you should do that with the green doxie. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and that you have a blessed New Year too.

Big Mama and the
Montana Marauders

[gunther's mom]

Allright Adbisor Putty here gotta make it quick... Did you Montana Marauders hear of the Massive 100 llama transport over here to NY State. My hoomom is paying me no attention as she is so wrapped up in this llama transport from Montana. She will try here darndest to post it but she is not swift....

[LaurieE]

Ajint Southawn Comfawt heah --

It's bean a vewy long time since ma last wepawt. What a time we've had heah! Fuhst ma hoomom's paws got huht. Da whitecoats even took off one of fingas and put it back on wif faw whyers. Den on another paw, she has fingas that get stuck down and don't want to come back up. If'n dat wasn't bad enuf, da dang computa goes kabluey. With a broken computa, I couldn't make ma wepawts! If it wasn't one thing it was anudder. Hopefully dis year will be betta.

It's gettin' vewy cold here in Flaw-wee-duh tonight so I think Ay'll investigate da blankets for a while.

SC out --

[Dogmother]

Allright Adbisor Putty here gotta make it quick... Did you Montana Marauders hear of the Massive 100 llama transport over here to NY State. My hoomom is paying me no attention as she is so wrapped up in this llama transport from Montana. She will try here darndest to post it but she is not swift....

Putty, all those lamas came from just 10 miles from my house, there were also lots of horses, cows, sheeps, and stuff like that, along with many doggies and kitties. Mom was pretty busy on the phone and stuff when that happened helping to set up foster homes for all the small animals.

Terri

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here- my brain is froze at Minus 11 so I had to re read agint Souther Comfort's post again. I was not sure if it was doxie paw or hooman paw:laughitup:
Welll no it is no laughin' matter. My hoomom had pawy surgery in 1995 but it was in da tunnel of da paw. Carpal tunnel, ya know, like the Holland Tunnel in NYC. But I digress. We is cointinly glad to have you back even if typin is not perfect like my hoomom's. My hoomom had to bwush her teefins wif her non-dominant hand, and had to do work wif non dominant hand.. oh what joy.
And Montana Marauders and My Big Mamm- holy cow, this is a small world is it not. Yes, this relocation of the llamas is not too far from here. It is a big story. My hoomom, as old as she is, would like to hep out in this llama thing if only to make pies for the other volunteers. Oddly NY State has some of the bestest farmland around. That is what is so wierd about NY State. Massive cities, little cities, and some of the best farming around. We live in the city but drive 5 miles and we are in country.

[LaurieE]

Ajint Southawn Comfawt heah --

Adbisor Putty, it was definitely a hooman paw. Ah won't let doze whitecoats come anywhere near ma paws!!!

Boy, did doze poison dwops come down today. And doze explosions. Day made da whole cave shake. De communication alam goes off. Ah heah dis voice say somethin' bout watching for a taw-nay-do. Ah wasn't shaw if'n it was Lone Wolf twying to communicate wif me awe if'n daze a spy hiding in heah. Please advise.

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty to Souther Comfort.. Well i lost my reading glass,so I, Putty am ashamed to say i heard of no such thing as Gators causing tornadoes. Maybe if they are very big Gators and are stomping around. You could do "paw" surgery on them like yer hoomom had.... oh that is an evil though... not right...
Well glad you is safe- i would stil like to livein Gaotr Country i is frizzin here.:sorry:

[LaurieE]

Ajint Southawn Comfawt heah -

Advisor Putty - feel fwee to hop on da fuhst silva buhd and 'come on down'. Ah'd be happy to show you awound. Maybe yew could become a Snowbuhd. Dey come down in da winta when it gits cold up Nawth and then go back up Nawth when it gits hot heah.

[gunther's mom]

Thanks Soutnern Comfort Agint. I , as Adbisor Putty, might have silverbird standby miles as hoodad works for the airline. I am currently not spekain' to hoomom as she made mention of me being too chubby now secondary to my refusal to go out. Mebbe tonight I will go as it is not below zero. My fillings are hurt...chubby....:sorry:My hoomom not one to talk in my humble opinion.....

[LaurieE]

Ajint Southawn Comfawt heah --

Adbisor Putty, Ah don't dink yew chubby. As da hoograndpawent used to say, 'dayah's just maw of yew to luv'. :hearts: Ma hooman complains dat I'm gittin' fat too whenever she picks me up and den she only gives me half a cookie. :sorry: Ah say, she's just gittin' old and weak.

Ma hooman must lose weight too. Da whitecoat said so and he has given haw 3 months. Ah don't know what will happen at de end of da 3 months. Ah will have to investigate dis and wepawt back.

[Dogmother]

Putty my balentine, my mommy says I am chubby too. In fact that is why they call me big mama. Actually I have slimmed down quite a bit but I am still a big boned red girl. :) So you just tell your mommy that you aren't chubby you are big boned. hee hee hee.

Big Mama and the Montana Marauders

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here... Dat goes it... my hoomom is going on a silver bird to find some sun for us here. But all i think she will find is Sandy Eggos....She may go to the zoo. Hope she does not find some weird dachshund there....
And way Ahppy Valentines day to all the agints.... esp my own Big Mamma. Sending you good loving vibes today.:hearts::hearts::hearts:Oh, Agent Big Mamma- i will ask hoomom to send you some sun as well.

[Dogmother]

Happy Valentines to you too my dear Putty. I hope your mommy finds more than Sandy Eggos. I have heard the zoo there is quite spectacular. I hope she enjoys it and that she finds some sun. We have actually had that old sun hanging out here yesterday. The day before it was very warm but the sun was hiding. Yesterday it was out and so nice to lay on our deck and soak it up. I hope you have a wonderful Valentines day.

Big Mamma

[gunther's mom]

Adbisor Putty here. Hep hep... hoomom is outa her mind. She is mumbling about fixing spoolies in the computer. She explained to a man on the phone-Texas support i think that she graduated school whne they used carbon paper. Does anyone know this man from Texas support???

[LaurieE]

Ajint Southawn Comfawt heah --

Ah was righting ma repawt when Ah lost da sekure channel.

Ah don't know about Texas suppawt. What is carbon paper? Ah neva heard of that.

Spring is definitely heah. Hoomom has planted vegitable seeds. Then she puts this box in yard, puts dirt in it, then plants something she calls herbs. Ah think she's been sniffing the catnip caws she called it a raised bed. That's not a raised bed. It was flat on the ground. There were no legs or blankies. Silly hoomom!

[gunther's mom]

Agint Southern Comfort. Well tell your hoomom that I am comin' over to lie in her vegetable bed, because I had been through the ringer here. Other agents you can come too,esp my Balentine big Mamma (but I guess you would need an invite).
As far as me- I will just be arriving. But beware of all the rooms of doom these days. They took my toes and get this tried to TAKE my NOSE. They did something to my lip to make me divulge secrets but I was stalwart and bwave.
Howebber, I is now wearing a BONNET. How pathetic is that. BUT given the fact that we are,yes, expecting 9-12 inches of snow i figure i will keep the bonnet on to protect my ears...
And yes carbon paper was used by people in the stone age like my hoomom when they were doing copying. Kinda like in caves i guess.

[willsana]

Dis bein' Agent Little Bird, Records Officer, DWD.

Dis bein' a very IMPORTANT communique....

Dis Com Center, code name "Never Say Never Again" will be closin' very soon. It has been a good ole Com Center fer sure. But da time has been comin' to open a new one. Be stayin' tuned to dis frequency for further instructions to connect to da new Com Center....

Agent Little Bird, over 'n out.

Puddles do not question why not....repeat...WHY NOT!

[willsana]

Regarding:

1. DWD Code Book Update

2. DWD Promotions of AIT's to Full Agent Status

3. DWD Com Center Relocal Op

1. DWD Code Book Update:
Da DWD Secret-type Code Book has been updated. All Agents please read 'er over and communicate with dis Officer any correction/additions to dis update. Da aforementioned document (pre-update) has been archived in da Secret-type Archive Place. If'n an Agent would be wantin' a copy of dis archived document, please submit your request to dis Officer.

2. DWD Promotions of AIT's to Full Agent Status:
Der are several good AIT's (Agents-in-Training) dat are due for promotion to Full Agent Status. The official announcements will be made at the new Com Center.

3. DWD Com Center Relocal Op:
To be gettin' to da new Com Center follow dis trail:
Casino Royale 2-Naught-11 (http://dachsie.org/vbb/showthread.php?63440-Casino-Royale-2-Naught-11&p=783306#post783306)